Dear Miles,
My boyfriend smells like olives. Recently, he took me to dinner at a very romantic tapas bar and we were having a nice time. Until I accidentally ordered a dish that has olives (Eeeewwww.) “No big deal” he said. He LOVES olives and traded plates with me. But, of course, that night when we kissed all I could taste were those gross olives. Even weeks later it’s all I can smell whenever he gets close. I finally talked to him about it and he swears he hasn’t been eating any. I think I hurt his feelings. Nevertheless, he still smells like olives. — In a Pickle.
Dear In a Pickle,
I just fell asleep for 5 hours. It’s night time now. Soon it will be morning and the man will feed me the dry food. But it’s not soon enough. I long for the sound of the dry pellets being poured from the heavy bag into the metal bowl. It’s a happy sound. I want to roll around on the carpet. I LOVE TO ROLL AROUND ON THE CARPET! Once, the man left the front door open. I panicked and dashed out into the hallway. It was scary!
Many thanks to Miles for filling in while I took some time to rest and catch up on housework. He seems to have had a good time and even volunteered to fill in again in the future. I might let him answer a couple questions while I’m on vacation in a few weeks. ‘Til then, he bids you all good-bye and happy napping. — Wendy
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SpaceySteph April 1, 2011, 1:42 pm
Hah this is awesome.
Although… I totally do hate olives and everytime my boyfriend eats them I do taste them.
sarolabelle April 1, 2011, 1:45 pm
I didn’t even know olives had a smell….
RoyalEagle0408 April 1, 2011, 1:57 pm
I think Miles should get a regular feature every Friday afternoon.
Laurel April 1, 2011, 2:00 pm
When my boyfriend eats cheese, his beard smells like cheese until he showers. It’s weird.
thyme April 1, 2011, 2:05 pm
HA HA ew!
Painted_lady April 1, 2011, 2:03 pm
Is he a vegan? My ex was and he totally smelled like olives always. I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything, but that was the only reason I could ever come up with as to why he smelled so funny. His breath smelled like it too, and while I like olives, there’s a reason they’re not used in perfume and breath mints. It was really gross. And it was so funny because about a week before we broke up, he told me he was grossed out by kissing me after I’d eaten cheese or meat or honey or whatever. And I wish I’d told him he tasted like a bad Greek restaurant.
At any rate, it’s hard to hear someone you love say they don’t like kissing you. And I think you’re going to have to get over it. If the worst thing he does is run around on you with a few olives, then you’re pretty much just looking for problems that don’t exist.
thyme April 1, 2011, 2:06 pm
I was hoping that the letter was fake… do you really think it’s not?
Maracuya April 1, 2011, 2:08 pm
I’m sure it’s fake. But it doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there who have similar problems! 😀
Painted_lady April 1, 2011, 2:12 pm
It’s true. I’m a bit gullible. Faulty bullshit detector and all. I generally assume things are true or at least, if they were true what I would advise, hypothetically speaking.
Maracuya April 1, 2011, 2:47 pm
Don’t worry, Painted Lady, I am the most gullible of them all. It was only after this letter that I was 99% sure they were all fake and because I doubt Wendy would let her cat answer people’s letters.
plasticepoxy April 4, 2011, 11:19 am
HAHA! I thought the others WERE real! I think I’ll still stand behind you in the gullible line though, Maracuya, so you can filter a little of it for me. 🙂
Elle April 4, 2011, 11:52 am
Another cup I’d buy: “Faulty bullshit detector”. Love it!!!
And I thought that the letters were real too, hahaha!
Maracuya April 1, 2011, 2:05 pm
Miles, I love how you call Drew “the man.” Now he can walk around saying things like, “I’m the man!”
I love the smell of olive scented beauty products. My friends bought me olive soap from Greece. However, food olives (like black ones) are the worst!
All I have to say is that I love cats with super-pink noses like Miles. I think they’re extra cute. Also black cats, which is a little contradictory.
NolaGirl April 1, 2011, 2:19 pm
haha reading this made me just go get some olives!
Chaotonic April 1, 2011, 2:27 pm
OMG I love his kitty handwriting! He’s sooooo friggin cute. I can’t stop giggling such an overload of cuteness!
silver_dragon_girl April 1, 2011, 2:39 pm
I love Miles 🙂 I think Shakespeare the cat would probably like his advice on why she will suddenly only drink from a running faucet…
Anyway, Wendy, I think you should make Miles the official answer-er of any really asinine letters you get. Like ones written all in txt-spk or asking if they should “accidentally” get pregnant to keep their boyfriend of 3 weeks from breaking up with them.
ReginaRey April 1, 2011, 3:12 pm
Love this idea. “Because the answer is so obvious, a cat can respond.”
elisabeth April 1, 2011, 3:49 pm
Or at least as a response to the “Your Turn” posts! That’s what I thought these were until (like Maracuya) I was sure they weren’t real, hah.
Gullible or not, I had fun playing along!
cmarie April 1, 2011, 2:53 pm
Whelan wants to know if he can your BF’s friend. He just loves olives. And cheese. And Pringles. He’s an odd one.
PhillyD April 1, 2011, 3:50 pm
Thank you Wendy and MIles! My cats (Elsie and Trinity) both now have a huge crush on Miles! Please come back soon and answer their questions regarding what to do if you fight with your roomcat over who the advice-cat will like more…
HmC April 1, 2011, 6:49 pm
Olives make me gag. Anything pickled, actually.