Happy Lurker Introduction Day!

iStock_000014537812SmallGuess what today is?! It’s Lurker Introduction Day (Take 3), a day when lurkers on this website are invited to come out of hiding and show themselves. It’s also a day I totally made up. But, look, I know what it’s like. I’ve been before, and am, a lurker on different sites. You read along for weeks or maybe months (maybe even years??) without ever having an intention to NOT participate — it just sort of happens that way. You might have things to say in the comments, but they’ve already been said a dozen or so other ways by other people — people who comment all the time. Or, maybe you’re kind of shy. Or maybe you can’t think of a good user name. Or you don’t want to leave any digital breadcrumbs to your real identity. I don’t know. I guess lurkers all have their reasons. But maybe if you’re specifically invited to come out and introduce yourselves and participate in our conversations, those reasons won’t seem as important.

In the last 2 1/2 months, readership has increased by nearly 30% (!)… but comments have decreased, which says to me there’s a lot of reading but not a lot of participating. So here it is: an introduction to you lurkers to come introduce yourselves and start commenting if you want. Tell us who you are and what your story is and how long you’ve been lurking in the shadows. Come out in the light and let us get a good look atcha, why don’t you? We’re a friendly bunch (mostly) and would love to hear from you.

[Check out previous Lurker Introduction Days here and here!]


  1. Hello! I’ve been lurking since The Frisky. I love Dear Wendy but I haven’t posted because I almost always completely agree with Wendy’s responses and, if there’s ever anything I feel is missing, another commenter has already captured it. Plus, I’m an attorney living in Chicago so even that role is taken! I’ve been very content lurking but I feel bad every time I skip a Lurker Introduction Day so here I am! Thanks Wendy!

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      H E A T H E R – hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Thanks for outing yourself, Heather! As an attorney in Chicago who reads DW, you are in good company, as you know.

      1. Man, there are a lot of us DW reading lawyers in Chicago…

      2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Sometimes I wonder if they’re all me but I just log on as different people so I don’t wear out my welcome, you know?
        I totally know.

      3. I totally know too. I also love wine and cheese and puppies.

      4. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        the trifecta!
        know what’s better than a puppy? two puppies! and i have TWO at home right now and for the indefinitely future.

      5. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        indefinite – blerg

      6. I have no puppies, but my apartment building has a ton of them, so i get to play in the elevator most days. I do have wine and cheese, though. I forgot my daily string cheese snack today and I’m very sad. And making up for it with honey bbq fritos.

  2. Kimberlyt says:

    I’m a lurker since TF too. I always feel like Wendy has it, or AP or GG or BGM. I really love the community here, maybe I’m a little shy! I love advice columns and now that I live in a new city, (from Seattle to SLC) and just had a baby (2 months old yesterday!) I have lots of small blocks of time to lurk on DW everyday.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Kimberly! Congrats on your new baby. Hope you’re also using some of your small blocks of time to snooze!

      1. Kimberlyt says:

        Thanks, Wendy! I really appreciated your piece on friendship that you linked to last week, btw. A little more about me, I’m 30, originally from VT and have lived in a bunch of different cities in the US. My fiancé and I are super outdoorsy and nerdy. We both work for a national retail company. I am a bookworm. I really miss my friends, the culture and weather in Seattle. And beer.

  3. Hi! I’ve also been lurking since The Frisky days. I live in Sweden, was born and raised in the US. I’m learning Swedish and it’s going sooo slowly. I met my husband at med school in Poland and moved here last summer. I love reading the comments and the reader recommendations (I bought the dryer ball fabric softener from Lany’s list!). I check the site often daily to look for new stuff 🙂

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Are you enjoying Sweden?

      1. It’s ok. Where I was studying it was a small/big city. It had everything awesome restaurants, movies, theater, opera, the beach and now where I live it’s in a town so small that there are no stop lights!! It has definitely been a big adjustment. I can’t wait to move to Stockholm, hopefully in the spring.

    2. Ooo, Sweden! My SIL just moved there and I’m probably going to be visiting in the next year, so I’ll need to ask your advice about where to go/what to do when I do (/start a forum thread)! Have you seen the Northern Lights? Because I want to see them so bad and that’s probably the only place I’ll go that one can see them fairly reliably.

      1. How is your SIL enjoying Sweden? Ask away I’ll try and help as much as I can 🙂 I live in west Sweden, but I’m in Stockholm once a month, so hopefully I’ll be able to help. I haven’t seen the Northern lights yet 🙁 It is on my list of to see. The best time is between September and March I’ve read, but you have to go prettttty far North, so be prepared to pack lots of warm layers!!! 🙂

    3. For no particular reason, I started watching Swedish language learner videos on YouTube a couple months ago. I literally just woke up one day and was like… I wanna learn Swedish! My then boyfriend walked in on me trying to say “Jag heter TaraMonster. Vad heter du?” and was like… why? I had no answer. And still don’t. Lol. I just like Swedish! It sounds like singing!

      1. Can you send a link of the videos?? They sound helpful. I love youtube videos, you can find anything on them! Swedish is extremely sing songy. I sit in class trying to translate a word and it turns out it is 3 words strung together and said very melodically. It is a pretty language though.

  4. I am a semi Lurker. Have commented a few times here and there. I have been reading DW since TF days as well. Love your site, i visit everyday with my coffee first thing in the morning. I am an accountant (boring) from Canada who loves her puppy more then I should!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! How old is your puppy?

    2. Avatar photo fast eddie says:

      It’s not possible to love a puppy or kitty too much. 🙂

  5. I am a lurker too, even though I have made a few comments on the forums. I found this site when it was new, maybe a few months old, and have to check it out several times a week. I’m a Southern gal, I live in Louisiana with my mate, J, of 6 years. We live on 5 acres of land with a dog and cat. I’m a bookkeeper/accountant in a private firm, and J works in sales. We are definitely the outdoor-sy kind and both feel trapped when we stay inside too much, but sometimes the heat here will drive you inside to the a/c quick! Anyway I want to say I love this site and you are doing a great job Wendy!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Thanks, JuneBugg! Lollita (commenter above) is an accountant, too. I wonder what the accountant to attorney ratio is on DW…

  6. I’m not a lurker, but I haven’t been commenting much lately. We’re crazy short-staffed and I barely have time read! Hello lurkers 🙂

      1. It’s true. We do.

  7. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

    This is my favorite day ever.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Better than deleted thread day??

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Ok, maybe second place then. In order of preference: deleted thread day, lurker introduction day, taco bar day

      2. Taco bar day! Is that when a bar has free tacos? Because there’s a bar in DC that does that; it’s the best when not overrun with brotastic college students…

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        once a month my firm has taco bar day and i go NUTS OVER IT. think, a buffet with all the tortillas and taco stuff you can eat.. when i see it on the menu i squeal.

      4. Not as cool – but we have walking taco day! Somebody brings in Fritos (or Doritos), the meat, fixings, etc. It’s so much fun!

      5. That sounds both awesome and delicious.

      6. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Ooh, I’m making tacos for dinner tonight, fyi. And probably margaritas, too. It’s Emmy night! Also: Bachelor in Paradise! I don’t know which one to watch live and which to watch later on DVR.

  8. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

    hey y’allll I’m a semi lurker and kinda shy commenter!

    1. Me too! My trick is to comment, and then close the window for a few minutes and distract myself with something. Or, you know, actually do work…

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      We won’t bite! Well, most of us won’t.

      1. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        Thanks! I read pretty much every post…just working up to commenting 🙂

      2. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        Oh and to actually introduce myself! I’m in my late 20s and finishing a PhD in computery stuff and live with my BF and dog and cat in Tennessee!

      3. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Memphis, by chance? That’s one of my favorite US cities.

      4. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        Nashville, actually! So, kind of close, but Tennessee is such a long rectangle that it’s still a 4 hour drive, or so! Memphis is pretty great, though!

      5. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        I haven’t been to Nashville yet. One day!

      6. Avatar photo call-me-hobo says:

        NASHVILLE! Peppers, I live close to Nashville, and so does Miel!

      7. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        Let’s hang out!

  9. A propósito says:

    Hi there. I’ve been lurking for about a year and I can’t remember how I discovered Dear Wendy. As opposed to many other readers, I’m male and I live an ocean (Atlantic) and a sea (Mediterranean) away from the US, in dusty old Cairo. I’m at the cusp of the end of my mid-thirties and a bit of a foreign policy wonk. I don’t comment much because a lot of the advice that’s given is for people who are either in relationships or involved to some degree with someone else – and I haven’t been either in the year that I’ve been reading the website. But I read because the advice that Wendy gives is spot on much more often than not, and hopefully I’ll remember some of the lessons the next time I’m involved with someone.

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Oh oh oh are you single? A friend wants to know.

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Oh whoops, my friend finished reading your comment – she got distracted by your first line and is kind of impatient and so didn’t finish reading before asking me to ask you.

      2. A propósito says:

        Addie – As a non-American, I sometimes find it hard to detect US humour. Was the single/not question rhetorical? I am – do you have friends in Cairo?

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Not in Cairo exactly, no. But in nearby Chicago.

      4. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        A proposito, if you had to choose one of the following, which one would you choose: British humor or French humor?

      5. A propósito says:

        French food over British, British newspapers over French, British humour over French (Have you ever heard a French joke that was funny?

      6. Have you ever heard Eddie Izzard do his standup routine in French? Hilarious. (He’s British, so it may be a point for British humor.)

      7. A propósito says:

        I haven’t – I didn’t even know the name Eddie Izzard. (I’m glad that I know now – Even so – there’s something about the dry wit, self-effacement of many British actors, writers and humorists that’s irresistible (to me). But then I lived in the UK for four years and am more familiar with that culture and people than with French.

      8. Oh the British humor has totally grown on me over the years.
        Whenever anyone I know is learning French, I always send them Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris and (when their French is a little more advanced) this Eddie Izzard clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1sQkEfAdfY . This still makes me crack up, especially when he talks about bringing around a menagerie of animals.

      9. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        I definitely enjoy British humor more too. As for the food, I’m torn. The bread and cheese is ZEEE BEST but other than that I generally like spicier food and more variety and French food was always so creamy and THE SAME EVERYWHERE and kind of bland. There, I said it, BLAND! But I mean come on, you walk into a French cafe anywhere and it’s always the same: steak and fries, croque monsier/madame, cobb salad, and like a ham and cheese baguette sandwich. Everywhere, I swear! At least in London I could always find everything, and the Indian food was SO GOOD.
        How/why did I get on this topic? I can’t remember. But now I’m damn hungry. I had vegan for lunch. My diet restarted today.

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Dusty old Cairo! How romantic.

    3. Yay, another male POV! Welcome.

  10. thenbeckysaid says:

    Hello to all! I comment very rarely, more so in the last week than probably in the last year. But, I’m also a carryover from the Frisky days. I’m an CPA in Charlotte, NC. I’ve been married just over 2 years and got my very first puppy on Saturday, her name is Scarlett. 🙂 I absolutely love this site, I wish I’d had a forum for some of this invaluable advice back in my early/mid-20’s. I would have wasted a lot less time on relationships that weren’t going anywhere.

    1. The puppy is SO cute. I saw her on the forum thread… Everyone should go look at the naming another puppy forum thread!

      1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Ooh, I just looked. Scarlett is ADORABLE!

      2. thenbeckysaid says:

        Aww, thanks guys! We LOVE her. Even though she had to go potty 4 times between 12:30 am and 6:15 am, but who is counting, right?

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! There are two other accountant lurkers who commented upthread. Now, I’m REALLY curious what the accountant to attorney ratio is here on DW. Any other accountant lurkers (or non-lurkers) reading?

      1. trixy minx says:

        I do bookkeeping. Does that count?

      2. Just saw this after commenting below, and yes I am also a CPA (auditor)! Go accountants 🙂

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        so now the ratio is 3.5 (trixy, you get half a point for bookkeeping) to 14,391.

      4. I’m another auditor! With a master’s in accounting…working on (okay really *thinking* about working on) my CPA. I currently work for state govt, so it’s not necessary and I have zero motivation to study at the moment.

      5. lindsaybob says:

        You can add me to the lawyer count!

      6. I’m an accountant! 🙂

      7. I was one of the accountants that replied above! I would be curious to see how many other accountants are on here as well! Sorry for not being more engaged yesterday…pesky work.

  11. Wendy (not Wendy) says:

    Hi! I’m mostly a lurker, though I’ve been stepping out more recently, maybe… another one who’s been reading since The Frisky. It’s intimidating but also challenging, in a good way, to see how my few posts here can be read in different ways resulting in meanings I never intended. This is the place on the internet where I feel like I can ask my dumbest questions and give my baldest responses, so I’m often hesitant to say anything because what if, by weird chance, someone identifies me? (should probably change my username if it bothers me that much!) Anyway, I’m a nurse, mid-thirties, single, with a weird divorce story (it comes up from time to time but I’m not, like, “this is my divorce story”–again, I’d be easy to identify if anyone who knows me reads here) and relationship/dysmorphia/eating craziness. I bike, I cook, I read. I love to read All The Magazines (Women’s Health, Self, Shape, etc) and shop at Title 9. I travel a lot. I try not to be a one-upper but I’ve done/had done to me some crazy stuff, and one reason I like it here is that I feel like a lot of us are that way. (Do you guys ever get the thing where people think you’re making stuff up because no one’s life is as interesting as that?) I don’t have a smartphone and I wonder how long it will be before I have to get one simply to be functional in the world, as that becomes more and more of an expectation. I miss a simpler/less connected life.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Wendy. I like your name.
      Also, a friend of mine just got her first smartphone last week. She said it has not changed her life yet, but it has made little things (like coordinating schedules with her husband through an ongoing text) a bit easier.

  12. Hi everyone! I might as well officially introduce myself, though I’ve left a comment here and there. I’ve been reading Wendy’s column since it was on The Frisky, and even now I can’t go through a day without reading the advice posted. I’m a contractor in the DC area, an exercise-aholic, and a writer withe a bit of a sarcastic bent. If Wendy’s advice has taught me anything, it’s that being single is way better than being in a horrible relationship. Oh, and that the human race can miraculously survive through anything, thanks to a few letters I’ve read here. 🙂 Nice to meet you all!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Kay! Fun tidbit about moi (oh, were we talking about you? Oops): my middle name is Kay!

  13. Hi everyone! I’m a semi-lurker – I occasionally comment. I’m a Post-Doc at a Big 10 and I live on a farm with my husband of 4 years. I’ve been reading since The Frisky, and followed Wendy to this site because I think her advice is really thoughtful. I also really enjoy the comments.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      What kind of farm?

      1. Equestrian! There are a lot of other animals around, too, though – mostly dogs and barn cats. We just rent, so we don’t take care of the horses.

  14. Hi! I’ve been a lurker since The Frisky. I’ve posted maybe one or two times but not many! DW is part of my morning ritual at work. I read CNN, then DW and THEN I start working!! I feel like I need a cool handle and I can’t come up with one to save my life. That’s part of the delay in ever commenting.

    AP, BGM, and LBH are probably my favorite commenters! I have a 3 year old goddaughter that I love more than anything. She’s every bit of a red head already!

    PS – If I’m going to start commenting I guess I better take a refresher course in math!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      The math problems are meant to keep the spammers out; Unfortunately, they end up keeping a lot of the English majors (guilty) out, too…

      1. Yeah, but I hacked through your wall of math by taking my socks off. My upper limit still 15 though, cuz i have to use my one hand to count the other digits.

      2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        i totally followed everything you just said, diablow. (that’s my new nickname for you. it’s cute, no?)

  15. I’ve also been lurking since The Frisky (where I did comment sometimes, however now it’s become blocked at work–I suppose the name sends up red alerts 🙂 and always loved Wendy’s columns there. I may have commented here a few times, but same as others are saying, I always find myself agreeing with some of the commenters or Wendy herself! I’m in the DC area. To be super creepy, I’m in NYC often visiting family and whenever I walk around Brooklyn I keep thinking I might run into Wendy and fam or one of the Frisky writers and recognize them lol!! I would 100% feel like I was meeting a celebrity.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Aw, that’s sweet! I hope we do run into each other some time and that you say hi. It makes my day when that happens!

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Wendy, I’m coming to New York in early October and I plan to roam the streets of Brooklyn until we accidentally run into each other. Ok? Ok.

      2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Yes! Or… we could just plan a meetup.

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        That works too! That’ll save me some walking, too. Win win.

  16. Avatar photo Boobs Magee says:

    Another semi-lurker/once-in-a-blue-moon poster here. I, too, found Wendy on the frisky, and followed her over. Home is in San Diego with my 17-year old daughter and 3 kitties. I spend my weekdays as a technical writer, my evenings cooking, reading, and hanging with my kid, and my weekends performing at renaissance faires all over California.
    Oh, and I’ve decided to head to my fave Mexican place for lunch, they make sublime tacos. Nom nom nom….. Thanks for the idea, AP!

    1. lily in NYC says:

      Hi Boobs! I love your username – I actually almost used it as my name on another site but ended up going with a different Simpsons reference instead.

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Everyone should have tacos today! Taco Monday.

  17. Not Naughty Librarian says:

    Hello! I have been a lurker since the Frisky. I have commented once or twice and even wrote in for advice a couple of years ago. I am an urban school librarian and cheer coach who frequently spends 13+ hour days in the company of high schoolers, so DW serves as my tenuous thread to the grown-up world.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Mine too (though it’s toddlers I’m spending most of my time with, not high schoolers). Welcome!

  18. Lovelygirl says:

    Hi everyone! I’m 32, an engineer at a power plant in FL, and happily married for 1 year so far. We are extreme foodies (some could say food snobs), love to travel, make our own wine, and about to embark on making our own beer. I’ve been reading DW since the Frisky days just like most others who have posted before me. I love Wendy’s advice and never really have much to say that hasn’t already been said so I rarely post. Also I don’t have time to post till the end of the day since my job is so busy lately (gotta love downsizing and doing 2 jobs nowadays). But I will try to be more active 🙂

    1. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

      I’ve done a homebrew with my boyfriend 2 or 3 times and it’s been super fun! We’ve used kits of the hops/grains and stuff but they have come out great. What kind of beer are you going for?

      Also making your own wine?! That sounds amazing.

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi Lovelygirl. You’re lovely!

    3. Avatar photo call-me-hobo says:

      Oh, lovelygirl are you having luck with your winemaking? We’ve been experimenting with mead recipes since we have our own beehive.

  19. Hi DWers! I’ve been following Wendy from when she was at The Frisky. I’ve been coming here almost daily. I love Wendy’s tough love approach and can’t get enough of cute Jackson pictures. I’m from Montreal Canada and I just got a new job today in my dream industry (interior design)! I’m in my mid twenties, unattached and I just bought the book Calling in the one and started the lessons (thanks Wendy for the recommendation!). I’m excited to see where it’ll take me!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Congrats on the dream job! I think interior design would be my second career choice after writing. I home design.

      Good luck with Calling in the One. I’m curious how it works for you!

      1. I’ll let you know. So far I’m pretty into it!

      2. SummerChat25 says:

        Belle, keep us updated! I bought the book when Wendy wrote the post about it but have yet to get into it. Life and reading fiction for pleasure has gotten in the way. I want to devote more time to it.

  20. Hi everyone! I have also been reading since TF… Which is crazy because that was back when I was high school and I’ve just graduated from college! So a little about me: I am currently a lab tech working with honey bees in Florida and I have plans to go to grad school in the next few years. I have a lovely orange tabby and rabbit who keep me company, and I’ve been with my bf for nearly 2 years. I’ve sent a letter in and posted in the forums before but I would like to get involved in commenting! Thanks Wendy for this site – I read everyday and I really think reading advice columns can teach you a lot about relationships.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Thank you!

      How do you rabbit and cat get along?

    2. Avatar photo call-me-hobo says:

      beenice! Me and my fiance have two personal hives! That’s so awesome- is your research work about hive collapse?

  21. Hello! I’ve been lurking for years (also since Wendy’s TF days) and really enjoy reading Wendy’s responses to the letters and what everyone has to say in the forums. The checklist of things to discuss before you get married really helped me and my fiance have a good discussion about our expectations before we got engaged.

    I briefly came out of lurkerdom a while back to ask a question in the forums about my future in-laws and got great advice from everyone here that I should butt out of my fiance’s relationship with his brother, so thanks to DW community for that! The situation has gotten crazier and crazier, so I may be back to vent at some point. I’ve been taking so many deep breaths lately that I feel like I might pass out. Anyway, even though I mostly lurk, I feel like I’m part of a community here and really enjoy reading everyone’s great relationship advice.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! What does MuGW stand for/ mean?

  22. I keep missing the Lurker Days, so I guess I’ll jump in while it’s hot! I’ve also been reading since The Frisky, and comment occasionally. I’m mid-30s (really?! I thought I was still 24. I had to think about it for a minute) and I live in the DC area with my husband, our cat, and our 15-month-old human pet. I love advice columns – they’re great fodder for conversations, and also for getting my judgy on. Who doesn’t love to indulge in some good old-fashioned judgment from time to time? Isn’t it the same reason we watch “The Bachelor”…? (I totally thought Marquel should have been the next Bachelor! Sigh.) Also, I had tacos for dinner last night. I was doing tacos before tacos were cool!

    1. Also, Wendy, I love your essays, especially the ones about becoming a parent. I’ll admit to getting a bit misty when reading them. This blog was part of what got me through the day when I was on maternity leave!

      1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Love hearing that, thank you!

        Also, are you watching Bachelor in Paradise? Marquel is on it and all the ladies love him. I think he’s really attractive, but when he’s wearing his Urkel glasses (and weird outfits), not so much. Still, he’s probably the best looking guy on BiP right now.

  23. I’m a loooong time Lurker from The Frisky days. I read Dear Wendy every week. I’m based in Johannesburg in South Africa (JHB meetup anyone? ) and live with two flatmates. I love Dear Wendy and the community that you have built. Thanks Wendy!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Ooh, I want to come to the Johannesburg meetup!

  24. I’m a long time reader since TF days too. I’ve posted a few times but I mostly just lurk. I work in finance in nyc and am in a super long distance relationship…my bf just moved to the other side of the earth a couple months ago. anyone have any experience with this?

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! There’s lots of LDR stuff here:

      If you’re a longtime reader, you’ve probably read most of it and probably know I was in an LDR with Drew before I moved to NYC to be with him. Other side of the earth is different that halfway across the country. Good luck!

      1. Thanks Wendy! Yes! I’ve read through all of your LDR tips (very helpful) and have been inspired by your success story! I hope mine works out just as well too 🙂 We’re still adjusting to it. The 11-hr time difference is difficult to manage.

      2. For about 5 months, me and my guy were 8 hours apart (France-Australia) with very weak internet connections. We did a lot of skyping (mostly audio, video turned into a game of “what was Bassanio doing 2 minutes ago?”). It ended up working out well for us, but it was extremely frustrating at the time. Make sure you’re both keeping busy, and send each other postcards, even care packages if shipping isn’t too pricey (think buying something little off of amazon or something)! I loved getting snail mail. Or find a video or TV show that you can stream at the same time, it was fun for us catching our favorite show together, and streaming services are way better these days.

      3. Thanks for the tips, Portia! I love the postcards/snail mail idea. Who doesn’t love getting something in the mail?

      4. My thoughts exactly :). Glad I could help!

  25. Hi! I’ve been a lurker since The Frisky – I have something of an advice column addiction. I live in Texas, I’m in my mid-thirties, married to my high school sweetheart (17 years together next week), but I don’t feel that old. We don’t have any kids, but we do have three cats with French names. I’m a counseling intern in private practice, and I just started work on my Ph.D. I think I want to write my dissertation on children of hoarders. I also love tacos, and didn’t know what to eat for breakfast when I lived in Denver, where they don’t have breakfast tacos.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Fascinating dissertation topic. (I have hoarders in my family, so I have a particular interest in the subject). Congrats on 17 years with your husband!

      1. Wendys Dad says:

        Wait! What? Is this hoarder anyone that I know? Or are you speaking ill of the dead?

  26. lindsaybob says:

    I guess I’m still a lurker, though I’ve tried to comment a little recently. I live in the UK with my husband and am a SAHM to my little boy, who’s turning 1 year old tomorrow!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      I’ve seen your name pop up lately — glad to have you among the commenters. And congrats on surviving the first year of parenthood!

      1. lindsaybob says:

        Thanks! I can’t believe it’s been a year already.

  27. ficklishjlo says:

    Hello! I’ve been lurking for a few months now, love the advice and forum conversations! Thank you all for making it a great site. I’m Australian, living in London with my husband and our two-year-old son. Wendy, thank you for your writing about the decision whether to have a second child… I’m following along with interest!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      I will definitely keep everyone posted! It’s been a hard decision to come to and I’m not quite ready to share my final thoughts on it, but soon.

      1. ficklishjlo says:

        My apologies if it seemed as though I was fishing for an update – that was not my intention! The sharing you’ve done already has been really helpful to me and I thank you for it. But of course no expectations of more!

  28. Hi everyone!
    I’m another one who has been reading regularly since TF, so long ago! I’m in my late 20s, was born and raised in Canada, but moved to Sweden a couple years ago with my husband. I feel like DW has helped me in so many ways, even as a lurker. Thank you for creating this community, Wendy!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! There’s another lurker in Sweden who commented upthread (jk is the name). You guys could have a meetup!

  29. Another longtime lurker form the citywendy.com days. Not a big commenter on any website, but I do love reading advice columns and Dear Wendy specifically for her words of wisdom. Even though I’m only reading I do feel a part of the community and was so glad to be able to go to the Chicago meet-up this summer and meet some of these amazing commenters! Hey ladies!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Meems! City Wendy readers always make me happy.

  30. Guess what, everybody! Wendy’s birthday is two weeks from today. I just thought of that. Okay, carry on.

  31. Crazy how many people are still reading from TheFrisky days! Wendy, you’re just that good 🙂

  32. Avatar photo something random says:

    Its great to hear from so many lurkers! The summer camps are over and I will taking a break and probably sliding back into lurker-hood for awhile. It will be fun to see who the new regulars are (and hear from the old commenters, too). Bonsoir.

  33. Hi lurkers!!!! Any Minnesota lurkers out there?? Anyone???

  34. I’m another one from The Frisky (which I don’t even read anymore).
    I missed the Houston meet up for a good reason (engagement party or something I couldn’t get out of)
    I’m single, living inner loop, financial analyst, and have a pit bull named after a line from Spinal Tap. I grew up in the UK (dry british humor) and have been in the US ever since. The farthest I’ve ever lived from salt water is 300 miles, big time foodie, excellent cook, and I like to travel in cushy conditions.
    I almost always agree with Wendy and the sarcastic comments are usually there by the time I get there.
    I’m hating this new tablet but it was a gift so I’m stuck with it and everything is taking twice as long to write.
    Hello all!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Rhedd! Do you have a British accent?

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Also, ask Rhedd if he’s a man.

      2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Addie Pray wants to know if you’re a man. And if so, she probably wants to know if you’re single. And if you like dogs. And red wine or white?

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        i like to wait a little before i broach the red v. white question. i figure if i’m emotionally invested i can look past the man’s preference for white wine, but if i hear about it right away i may have a hard time keeping an open mind, you know?

      4. Oh, I didn’t think about that. I wasn’t trying to be ambiguous, my usual avatar gives it away. Female, hetero.
        I like white wine and good conversation (and long walks on the beach n stuff). The pit bull is male, points to any Spinal Tap fans that guess his name. I’ve never told him he’s a pit bull, he thinks he’s a corgi.
        Hi Addie, I’m a fan! Obviously you too Wendy. I’ll pretend Addie still has a little crush on me, I’m just that cool. :)~
        No accent unless I get upset or drunk (and am happy to say those never happen at the same time), then you can hear a bit of the inflection. I did have a wedding and Queen’s Jubliee tea party, mandatory hat (or fascinator, or tiara) and a cabinet full of Bisto and Marmite so that’s something.
        Hello again everybody!

  35. Bekahtravels says:

    I know I’m late to the party and maybe it’s over, but I’m a 29 almost 30 year old long time reader. I started reader on TF and read daily ever since. I’ve even been an LW and I really appreciated the advice Wendy and everyone gave me. I live I’m Taiwan, but I’m American. It’s just for work and to be with my husband. It’s a great way to stay connected with the English speaking world and have a community feeling when I feel lonely out here!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      You’re not too late. Hi! How cool to hear from a reader in Taiwan. How long have you been there?

      1. Bekahtravels says:

        I’ve been in Taiwan for 5 years. I moved here from Europe. I read your site all over the world! Even though, I’m a lurker it feels like a home.

  36. I’ve been lurking since The Frisky (still lurk there too)! I love your site! I’ve found myself about to write a letter several times but found answers on the forums or in letters and responses already sent in by other readers with the same issue(s). This site also makes me feel like my life is a whole lot less messed up than I thought it was compared to some people, hoo boy! It’s a good feeling 🙂

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      I love when people are able to find answers to their questions by looking through old columns!

  37. Crazy_Pug_Lady says:

    Hi, I’m an off and on lurker since the Frisky days. I don’t comment because I’m kinda shy and most of the time people have already said what I would say. I’m a Registered Nurse and I live in Canada with my live-in Boyfriend and an 8 y/o pug. I’m 32 years old and I love the no-nonsense advice that is dished out around here.

    1. Give your pug a hug for me, because I love pugs 🙂

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Your DW nickname is CPL. Since you have an official DW nickname, that means you have to comment regularly (or at least sometimes ;)).

  38. Hi! I’m a bit late also – saw this thread yesterday but was too busy at work to write!
    I’ve been lurking since the Frisky days too, and rarely comment. Wendy’s advice is always spot on, and the regular commenters usually say everything I think of, so I just sit back with my cup of coffee and appreciate the conversation. It’s very weird to feel like I sort of *know* the regular commenters, even though we’ve never chatted … you guys are pretty cool!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Jennyou! I like your avatar.

      1. Thanks! 🙂

  39. Hey everyone, for some reason the forums started hating me, so I changed my username (I´m the commenter formerly known as JK)

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      i still think you should go by Addie Lover.

      1. Too late! Next time I need to change 😉

  40. ThePeanutGallery says:

    Hi! I hope people are still reading this. I’ve been lurking since the days of The Frisky and vowed that I would introduce myself during the next lurker day. Also: I just moved to Brooklyn! As in, today. Commenting is the first thing I did once I got wifi. I’m on Atlantic between Hoyt & Smith. I’m excited to participate in future DW NYC meetups!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! Welcome to Brooklyn! I live a couple neighborhoods east of where you are, but head your way for Trader Joe’s. Also, Jackson’s new preschool is close to where you live. If you ever see us, say hi! Hopefully, we’ll have another NYC meetup this fall, maybe when Addie Pray is in town in October.

      1. ThePeanutGallery says:

        Thanks so much! I’ll definitely say hi if I see y’all. The neighborhood seems great so far!

  41. If anyone is still reading…I’m a lurker/occasional commenter and felt like it’s probably time to out myself:) I’m a 29 year-old SAHM to our sweet 9-month old little boy; my husband is a Navy pilot, and we just returned to my home state of FL from a year in the arctic tundra (aka the midwest…so cold…I’m still thawing out!) Pre-baby, I was an interior designer, so once we’re settled down here I’m hoping to do some projects on the side/out of my house while I stay home with the kiddo. Nice to “meet” you all!

    1. My bf flies hueys in the Marine Corps. What does your husband fly?
      And interior design sounds awesome, though my knowledge of it really only extends to what is on HGTV. When you say doing some projects, what does that specifically entail?

      1. My husband has some good buddies from college (he went to a military academy) who fly Hueys. He flies P3’s…well, now they’re transitioning to the P8. They do a lot of sub recon and counter-drug ops.
        Haha, yes, HGTV is a mixed bag. I think they’ve gotten a lot more “accurate” over the years but there is definitely an element of “the magic of television” in a lot of the stuff they do! My husband and I watch a ton of it, though:) (we love HouseHunters, Property Brothers, and Fixer Upper!) My background is in residential design, so everything from reno/remodeling projects to space-planning, updating furniture or paint colors, or selecting new art/accessories:)

      2. I love me some Property Brothers! And House Hunters…though they make me think that going over budget is totally normal and okay. As does Love It or List It. I wish I had the ability to make my rooms at least look put together.

  42. Allô!
    I’m mostly a lurker, rarely comment. – I can’t remember if I introduced myself during the last lurker post or not, so here it is.

    I live in the province of New Brunswick, on the East coast of Canada. I currently work as a program director for a theatre. So I do bookings and promotions of shows and other events. French is my native tongue. I’m also single, live alone, and have no pets. One day I will have a dog – but its not in the cards for me right now.

    I’m fortunate enough to live very close to the beach (20 minute drive – WHAT!), so in the summer, that’s where I am. I’m also an avid runner and yoga-goer. I’m a huge political nerd – there is currently a provincial election. So I’m glued to Twitter for the next month. But there is always room for DW.

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