Happy Lurker Introduction Day!

iStock_000014537812SmallGuess what today is?! It’s Lurker Introduction Day (Take 3), a day when lurkers on this website are invited to come out of hiding and show themselves. It’s also a day I totally made up. But, look, I know what it’s like. I’ve been before, and am, a lurker on different sites. You read along for weeks or maybe months (maybe even years??) without ever having an intention to NOT participate β€” it just sort of happens that way. You might have things to say in the comments, but they’ve already been said a dozen or so other ways by other people β€” people who comment all the time. Or, maybe you’re kind of shy. Or maybe you can’t think of a good user name. Or you don’t want to leave any digital breadcrumbs to your real identity. I don’t know. I guess lurkers all have their reasons. But maybe if you’re specifically invited to come out and introduce yourselves and participate in our conversations, those reasons won’t seem as important.

So here it is: an introduction to you lurkers to come introduce yourselves (and start commenting if you want). Tell us who you are and what your story is and how long you’ve been lurking in the shadows. Come out in the light and let us get a good look atcha, why don’t you? We’re a friendly bunch (mostly) and would love to hear from you.

[Check out previous Lurker Introduction Days here and here and here!]


  1. Yay!!!!!! I love Lurker Introduction Day!!!
    I wish I could remember which letter led me out of lurkerdom. It was the first year of DW, I remember that much, but I also remember I had lurked for a few months up to that point. I quickly got hooked!! So fun!!! I also remember I hid DW from my now ex, whereas Navy Guy knows all about the goings on because I talk to him about some of the letters. Keeper? Yes I think so. πŸ™‚

    1. TheRascal says:

      Sometimes for fun during roadtrips, I read DW letters out loud to Mr. Rascal. He often gives the same advice that Wendy does!! Haha!

      1. On the way home some days (my husband picks me up from work) I’ll get in the car and just start out with “you’ll never guess what was on Dear Wendy today!” and he totally sits there and listens and offers opinions and advice.

      2. I’m like this with my mom haha. As soon as Wendy posted that she was pregnant yesterday I texted my mom to tell her the news (my mom doesn’t read DW but she knows I do daily). My mom texts me back and she’s like “You go Wendy!!” lol

      3. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Awww. Tell your mom hi for me!

      4. She’s says you’re a really lucky mom to have both a boy and a girl πŸ™‚

    2. Yeah, Bassanio knows about you guys. I like getting his take on some of the letters. When Wendy sent out the postcards he was thoroughly impressed. We haven’t talked about it as much recently because he got into Gilmore Girls and I’m very happy to watch that with him (we don’t have a lot of TV shows in common). Seeing him get all frustrated with the will-they-won’t-they that Lorelei and Luke have is the funniest thing.

      1. My husband doesn’t seem terribly impressed with my postcards, but he doesn’t argue with them being permanently stuck to the fridge πŸ™‚
        I love Gilmore Girls. They play it on ABC Family over and over again and I watch it every day and while he *claims* he doesn’t like it, he totally does. And he always sings the songs. And my bonus son always makes me keep him up to date with what’s going on in the show since he only sees it at our house. He really wants to do a Gilmore Girls marathon – maybe that’ll be something to do while I’m on leave.

      2. Oh, totally marathon it on maternity leave! It’s so easy to marathon that show. I think that’s one of the reasons why we’ve kept watching it, we don’t get tired of watching it. As for the songs, Bassanio likes announcing what the “mood” of the song is, like when things are going to get romantic, or they’re plotting something, or Dean is coming back, or whatever.
        And that is adorable that your bonus son wants to be kept up-to-date.

  2. I’m a bit embarrassed to say I’ve followed Wendy since her Frisky days and have never commented before. I’m married, in my late twenties, have two dogs and love sci-fi/fantasy.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, River! Welcome, welcome.

    2. Welcome River! Anyone who likes animals is certainly going to fit in fine here πŸ™‚ What kind of dogs do you have?

      1. A Japanese chin and a Japanese chin/Pomeranian mix; so small and fluffy.

      2. veracityb says:

        Ooo my bf has a japanese chin called Gizmo πŸ™‚ I can only imagine that a pomeranian mix must be even fluffier!

    3. Avatar photo kmentothat says:

      Welcome! I’m a big sci-fi fantasy nerd too. It’s not quite that, but reading Stephen King’s Dark tower series right now and loving it.

      1. Ooh, that’s a good read. I totally want to say more but don’t want to be spoiler-y!

      2. That’s a good one. I am interested to see how they’re going to adapt it for TV. The plans keep changing, last I heard it was going to be on HBO? Ugh, just please don’t ruin it.

      3. I haven’t read that one. I’m reading The Long Earth series by Stephen Baxter and Terry Pratchett now.

    4. blueheeler says:

      We’re twin-lurkers! I’m also late twenties + married + two dogs, and I’ve been reading Wendy since The Frisky too. The only question I have now is: River…Tam or Song?

      1. Ha! I assumed River Tam. Good question. Fess up, River! Inquiring minds need to know!

      2. And my mind went straight to River Song. Which fandom gets to claim River?!?

      3. My mind went to Song too πŸ™‚

      4. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Wait, is River Phoenix an option? That was my first thought. Who are Tam and Song?

      5. River Tam is from Firefly and River Song is from Doctor Who.

      6. For whatever reason I only had Firefly on the brain at that moment!

      7. River did belong to Firefly first. But, can’t we all just get along?

      8. I wore a Firefly shirt yesterday and I have a Doctor Who one planned for tomorrow, so I was purposefully going for both.

      9. Great question!!!! I want to know too!! πŸ˜€

      10. So many excellent Rivers to choose from. Oooh, my Comic Con starts in t-minus 2 hours. I get to see Amy Pond tonight. Tomorrow, I’m getting my picture taken with Amy Pond, Rose Tyler, and then 11th Doctor. Be very very jealous (on a related note, I’m now quite broke).

      11. WHAT?!?!?!?
        I’m so jealous. So jealous. Rose and Amy are my two favourite companions! That is fantastic!!! Have an awesome time! πŸ™‚

      12. I’m so incredibly jealous of you right now…

      13. Yeah, I’m insanely jealous. Amy, Rose, and 11 in one go? If the 10th Doctor were included it would probably be too much for me to handle

      14. Why can’t it be both?

      15. Oh, but it can!

  3. techandwine says:

    I honestly don’t want to admit how long I’ve been reading the site, yet never actually commented. Let’s just say it’s been quite a while.

    I’m 30, live in Nashville with my adorable dog, and work in the tech industry. I’m still single and trying to wade through the murky waters of online dating without much success. Hoping that my luck changes for the better sooner rather than later! *fingers crossed*

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      techandwine! Is that like blogginganddrinking? Because I’m good at that.

      1. techandwine says:

        It is almost exactly like that! I’m a tech writer, so a lot of wine is consumed when I write our documentation for various things.

      2. Do you ever hide jokes in the documentation? I’m not going to lie, there may be a few write-ups at the agency I interned with that have jokes hiding in plain sight…

      3. techandwine says:

        There are quite a few “that’s what she said jokes” scattered throughout my documentation πŸ™‚ I am very proud of that fact!

      4. Avatar photo Boobs Magee says:

        Hi techandwine – I’m a technical writer, too! I only wish I could drink wine while at work. Hahaha!
        Oh, and I’m still basically a lurker, but I’ve been coming out of my shell a little bit here and there. Nice to meet you!

  4. Hi! I’ve commented once or twice, but basically I’ve been lurking for years. I’m in my early 30s and live in California with my husband and our dog. And I love wine!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi, Mango! I love wine, too.

  5. pipsqueak106 says:

    I have been reading Dear Wendy since I got my current job (about 5 months now) where I work in an office full of guys. I catch up with DW during my breaks to get my daily doses of girl drama. You wouldn’t ever think someone would start to miss that but I do!

    Anyway, finally decided to make an account and actually contribute a little something to this amazing site!

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Are you single? Do you love any of your office mates? Are they cute?

      1. pipsqueak106 says:

        Ooo, no, not single. There’s a few cuties in the office but no love from me πŸ™‚

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Do they treat you different or ware you one of the guys? How do you feel being the only woman (or one of the only women)?

      1. pipsqueak106 says:

        I am not the only female but I am the only girl under the age of 50 who isn’t married with kids and/or grandkids! So being the only female in her early 20’s is quite the experience. There was some awkwardness at first with multiple inquiries about my relationship status. But ultimately the ones I have become closer to are complete gentlemen. Most of the time I’m one of the guys, especially since I enjoy joining in on the discussions about cars and video games.

        But I won’t lie, every now and then it’s nice to ask for help carrying a heavy box to another floor and watching the boys fight over who gets to show off.

  6. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

    Happy lurker day! This is one of my favorite days! Hi River! I techandwine! Hi pips! Hi mango (my favorite kind of smoothie), and blue! This is so fun.

  7. ItsSunnyInSunrise says:

    I’ve been reading Dear Wendy since the Frisky days, have never posted, and very rarely, if ever, comment. But I’m an extremely faithful reader who lives in South Florida with my husband of almost 9 years, my 3.5 year old daughter, 2 dogs, and with baby #2 very recently on the way. I should really do a post cause my life is full of drama, I mostly keep it in, and would love some advice. But sometimes the very thing I love most about the Dear Wendy site (the super honest comments/advice from the loyal site supporters) is what I’m afraid of subjecting myself too. I might need a shot of liquid courage, haha, but have to wait for that until July when DD #2 arrives. πŸ™‚ But you will hear from me more in the comments, and I will post soon. And Wendy, congrats on the new addition to your family! I’m so excited for you and your family.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      We want to hear your drama!
      And congrats on your #2, too. When is your due date?

      1. Anonymous says:

        Hi Wendy! I could write a book on the drama, I’ll have to take a night to write it out and email you. I’m technically due on August 3rd but baby #2 will probably make her debut in mid/end July. My first was about 2 weeks early. 3rd trimester in the South Florida humidity should be interesting…I’m so grateful that where we live we’ll have a pool we can use to battle my soon to be “cankles”. πŸ™‚

  8. EvergreenLady says:

    I have been lurking since, at least, 2010. It’s about time I show myself.
    I have had one letter answered by Wendy, it was about how to handle my conservative immigrant parents who were trying to control my relationship with my now husband. Happy to report that I am still married and just had a baby boy five months ago. The situation is better with my parents, but we constantly have to reestablish the boundaries with them. Thanks for all the advice!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Good to hear it’s all working out — and congrats on the baby!

  9. Avatar photo Mr. Cellophane says:

    You are hereby grounded to your room, with only your Netflix, until you have watched a significant portion of Doctor Who, and had your life ruined by the 13 hours of pure genius that is Firely.
    Report back when you are finished and understand the meaning of
    “Hello Sweetie”

      1. Hahaha, awesome! Also, fish fingers and custard!

    1. Avatar photo call-me-hobo says:

      Don’t watch Firefly. Don’t DO IT. YOU CAN’T TAKE THE SKY FROM MEEEEE!

      1. Watching Firefly is perfectly acceptable. However, I have to pretend Serenity didn’t happen. In my world, Wash and Zoe went and had a million darling babies.

  10. ghostchips says:

    Hi! Lurker introducing herself here. I’m from Christchurch New Zealand and I’m studying to try and get into vet school here. I love travelling, cats, coffee and running. I think I got on to dear Wendy via the frisky but can’t quite remember as it’s been years. Anyway, nice to meet you all – I’d love to visit the US one day!!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      I want to go to NZ one day. Should we do a house swap? Do you want to stay in Brooklyn? We have cute cats and good coffee shops…

      1. Thanks for the offer! I’m not usually a big city person but New York is at the top of my places to visit in the US list for sure. Congratulations on your pregnancy too, by the way πŸ™‚ I hope everything is going well!

    2. Bassanio’s cousin lives in NZ and she makes it sounds like such a magical place. Good luck on vet school!

      1. Thank you! NZ is definitely gorgeous πŸ™‚

    3. Fun fact: my ex studied abroad in New Zealand for his final semester/student teaching, and though he apparently loved it, his host family didn’t love him, so they kicked him out. Last minute they had to find him a new host family because the other people called him a “spoiled, lethargic American” who spent his entire time playing video games. So there was that. He also kept on saying “we’ll go here for our honeymooooooon!” Ha.
      Though, admittedly, I would LOVE to go there! πŸ˜€ Some day.

      1. God, that sucks that people treated your ex like that! I’d like to think that the majority of Kiwis wouldn’t do something that cruel but there’s a small percentage of nasty people no matter where you go.
        Anyway, feel free to come visit! I’m happy to show people around cos it’s fun:)

      2. Actually…it said more about him than it does his host family hah. Like he would literally sit in his bedroom at their place and play video games instead of going out and seeing stuff.

    4. Count me in on the NZ-fetish!! I have a pen pal there (that’s not a euphemism, btw). We met on myspace years ago and keep in touch regularly!

  11. de Colores says:

    Hi there! I’ve been lurking since late summer (2014). I’m 27. Engaged (April 2014) and a member of the two under two club in California. I love reading the advice you guys dish out and it keeps me sane being able to read some adult thoughts and conversations!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Do you mean two babies under 2? God bless you.

  12. I’m not an official lurker, since I finally got the courage up to post once or twice, but I’m usually here in the shadows just reading. I’m a single fortysomething single mom with a great daughter, a greyhound, and a boatload of dating horror stories. I seriously suck at dating! I love hearing everyone’s thoughts and perspectives. Lots of wisdom here.

    1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

      Yay, storytime and go

  13. Inkyboots says:

    Hi! Proud lurker since last summer. I live in Texas, just got married almost 4 months ago, and live in a tiny condo with husband and dog. I’ve perused other advice sites but didn’t really like the vibe until I stumbled across this one. Love it!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      I love your name, Inkyboots!

  14. Girlchrisesq says:

    Hi! Longtime lurker since The Frisky days! Always tempted to comment in the forums, but other people tend to always have my same advice, so I’m just lazy and don’t. I’m a one-time Dear Wendy letter writer too! The situation has resolved, thankfully. 30 year old attorney, live in Los Angeles, CA. Currently planning a December wedding!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Ooh, I wonder what letter was yours. Glad whatever you issue was that it’s evolved now!

  15. Jillybeans says:

    Hi! I am also a long-time lurker (for years!), and am a one time letter writer, too. I have never been brave enough to join in on the commenting fun, but I think the time has finally arrived! I am 30 years old, married, have a rescue dog (named Wendy!), and we are also expecting a baby in July (our first, not sure if it is a boy or girl yet, find out in two weeks!)

  16. Hi everyone! I have been reading Wendy since her days at The Frisky, and I’ve been lurking here since she started this site. I’ve commented a couple of times, but I will come out of hiding now. πŸ™‚ I live in Vancouver, Canada, I’m getting married later this year and I have a step daughter.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi! I love Vancouver and would weigh a ton if i lived there because the restaurants are all so good.

    2. I love your city! Were you born and raised? I have clients in Vancouver and they always surprise me with amazing restaurants and people.

  17. Hi! My name is Marcela. I’ve been a lurker since you wrote your column on The Frisky! I’m from Costa Rica, I’m married (2 years), no kids yet. I love to read the letters, the answers and the comments. I almost always agree with you guys!!! It’s like you can read my mind! Dear Wendy, congratulations on the new baby! I was really happy for you when I read the announcement!!!! I hope you are feeling good and enjoing this special time! πŸ™‚ Hugs and kisses from the happiest country in the world! πŸ˜‰

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Thank you, and Pura Vida!

    2. Ah Costa Rica! I’m actually planning a trip there soon. I’ve heard it’s so beautiful and everyone is so happy.

      1. It is beautiful!!! I hope you can come visit! The beaches are the best! πŸ˜€

  18. I have to wonder how many of us who followed from TF still read TF…I pop in every once in a while but it’s pretty rare…

    1. I check it out pretty much daily just for something to do (and out of habit) but I actually read very few of their articles. I dunno, not sure if TF changed or I grew up but I seriously dislike most of the content these days.

      1. 100% agree. It has changed in tone overall. I used to read it a lot and now I *maybe* go over there once every couple weeks. From my snooping many commenters on TF have noticed the same.

    2. I very occasionally skim things on there, mostly to read the drama of Dater X, but oy. That’s a mess.

      1. I love the trainwreck Dater X column! I can’t look away!

    3. They got super NSFW on their main page, and that combined with the lack of interest in their articles, I stopped reading. That and DW was the main reason I was there in the first place.

  19. Hi guys! I read DW every day and have since The Frisky, but I think I’ve only commented once. I’m 28 and from PA. I’m currently a stay at home mom to an 8 year old girl, a 2 year old girl, and an 8 month old baby boy. DW is my hiding-in-the-bathroom-for-a-break reading.

  20. HollyMarie says:

    Hi everyone! I’m another one who’s been following DW since The Frisky days. I did post my first two or three posts last week but I’ve been very lurky otherwise πŸ™‚ I’m 35 and live right outside DC (like, walk into the street and it’s DC, according to my parking tickets!) with my wonderful and neurotic rescue Pointer, Pearl. I’m an unemployed social worker (but I have an interview tomorrow morning!) who’s working as a dog walker right now. I love dogs and work with rescues up and down the east coast (my user name actually comes from my first rescue dog).

    1. Good luck in your interview!

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Good luck on the interview this morning!

    3. Hello neighbor! Good luck on the interview πŸ™‚

    4. Good luck!! And I’m curious, since you’re near the DC border, are you near a boundary stone?

      1. HollyMarie says:

        Thanks for the luck, everyone! I’m supposed to hear by next week so fingers crossed.
        And Portia, it’s so funny you ask that. My mom’s a big history person so when I moved here, she looked it up. Apparently, there was one right up the street from where I live but it was “accidentally bulldozed and removed” in the 50s. Ooops πŸ™‚

      2. Aww, that’s too bad, but at least you have a story out of it.

  21. Hi… I am a semi-lurker. “Came out” last week and would like to thank those of you who reached out to me. I reported that I had recently lost my job and someone asked what I did. I have been a really great admin assistant (formerly known as “secretary”) for MANY MANY YEARS.

    Today is three months exactly since I lost that job… one that I loved… due to a simple, but HUGE fuck up on my part re confidentiality. First job I have ever been “terminated” from… I am nearly 60 yrs old… it was truly devastating.

    On a happier note… today the recruiter I’ve been working with for a few weeks informed me that an offer is pending (only needing a final signature). It’s a good company from CA that has been growing rapidly since moving some of their operations to our city 3-4 yrs ago… I am so excited and HUGELY relieved. And can’t help but notice the irony that it’s been EXACTLY three months since I was “terminated.”

    Thanks for listening!!!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hi Deni, Congrats on the pending offer. I hope you love the new job as well as the last one.

      1. Thanks, Wendy! I got specifics on the offer yesterday. I will be making 5% more than at the last job, and accruing more vacation time each month. So after all the stress and uncertainty it actually will worked out better for me in the long run. Such a relief!

        Enjoy the weekend!

      2. DUH… will work out (not will worked out) better. Combined two thoughts there. Hate errors like that!!

  22. march hare says:

    Hello! I wrote a letter to Wendy wayyyyy back in time myself. That situation has, thankfully, resolved itself. Been reading this thing on and off for 4 to 5 years now, but have never commented before this.

    Anyway, I’m from India (anyone else from my part of the world here?), work in a publishing house, and just got married last month! And even though this is an advice site, my favourite posts are generally the Weekend Open Threads. Ha.

    1. Ooooo which letter did you write??? I’m too curious about who wrote which letter!

      1. march hare says:

        It was about my boyfriend being a jerk. And I’m sure Wendy has figured that out. πŸ˜‰

  23. ah, did i miss lurker intro day? well i’ll post anyway. been following since 2011 and have only commented a few times… and actually posted a few forums about (now) exes.
    i’m a 25-year-old english teacher living in prague, czech republic.

  24. Woman of words says:

    I’ve lurked since TF! I’ve commented maybe twice in that time, because I live in Australia and the time difference means you guys have commented and said everything I would say by the time I’m reading it. I’m 50, a single mum to two fabulous teenagers, have a pretty demanding job and I paint in my spare time. I’ve had a 3 year long distance relationship and it’s looking like this will finally be the year we’ll be together permanently. Congrats Wendy on your impending arrival – your so clever arranging a pigeon pair! No more ‘so when are you trying for a…’ comments! X

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