Happy Lurker Introduction Day!

iStock_000014537812SmallGuess what today is?! It’s Lurker Introduction Day, a day when lurkers on this website are invited to come out of hiding and show themselves. It’s also a day I totally made up. But, look, I know what it’s like. I’ve been before, and am, a lurker on different sites. You read along for weeks or maybe months (maybe even years??) without ever having an intention to NOT participate β€” it just sort of happens that way. You might have things to say in the comments, but they’ve already been said a dozen or so other ways by other people β€” people who comment all the time. Or, maybe you’re kind of shy. Or maybe you can’t think of a good user name. Or you don’t want to leave any digital breadcrumbs to your real identity. I don’t know. I guess lurkers all have their reasons. But maybe if you’re specifically invited to come out and introduce yourselves and participate in our conversations, those reasons won’t seem as important.

So here it is: an introduction to you lurkers to come introduce yourselves (these brave people already got things started…). Tell us who you are and what your story is and how long you’ve been lurking in the shadows. Come out in the light and let us get a good look atcha, why don’t you?


  1. I’ll start! I’ve been reading since Wendy started the site (and am now embarrassed that I’ve been lurking for this long!). I have commented a few times, but normally I don’t feel like I have that much to add in the comments, but I’ll try to start commenting more often! I’m in my late twenties, in a long-term relationship, and am finishing up a PhD in history and have recently become obsessed with the new HBO show True Detective (Matthew McConaghey doesn’t usually do it for me, but he sure looks good in this).

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Drew and I just started watching True Detective too and it’s really good! Matthew McConaghey is amazing in it.

    2. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

      I feel like I asked you what kind of history before….but what kind? My husband is working on his PhD in 20th century American history.

      1. Early modern European history! As in, no idea what I will do once I’m done since the job market is pretty depressing right now. What are your husband’s plans?

      2. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

        He kind of feels the same way! His #1 goal is to stay in academia, probably at a smaller liberal arts school, but has considered private high schools, or basically leaving the field all together and doing something like community organizing. He’s planning on a spring 2015 graduation so we’ve got a little time!

      3. AliceInDairyland says:

        GGuy and I are graduating at the same time!

      4. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        It’s also when I’ll be done with my MFA

      5. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

        We’ll have to have a DW toast for the graduations! (I feel like I’ve been through enough just being the spouse of a PhD student!)

      6. But first we’ll toast moi because I’ll be done in August of this year. πŸ˜› I am counting down the days.

      7. I’m hoping to finish mine in May, but it’ll probably be this summer. We can toast each other!

      8. Mr. Othy should be finishing spring 2015 too. Of course, this is just his bachelors. I’m trying to encourage him to at least get a master’s degree after this degree.

      9. Othy – why? What’s his undergrad degree in?

      10. English. He’s always said that he’d love to be a perpetual student, and we’re at a spot that we can afford it, so I figure why the hell not.

      11. Cool! My plans are pretty much the same — I’d love to stay in academia but have to see how realistic that is. I am going to go on the job market for the next round of hiring in Fall/Winter 2014, so we’ll see how it goes! I just keep reminding myself that having a PhD won’t hurt me in the long run.

    3. LOVE True Detective. My boyfriend made me watch last week’s episode right before this week’s episode, even though we had already watched it last Sunday. Ha! But seriously, Matthew McConaghey is totally killing it with this role.

    4. I don’t have an HBO subscription. Does anyone know if you can watch True Detective without purchasing a subscription?

      1. I just wait until Netflix has them on DVD and then watch all the HBO shows. And I live under a rock to avoid spoilers. (Or in the case of Game of Thrones, I read the books).

      2. If you know someone else with an HBO subscription, and they don’t mind sharing their login, you can always watch on HBO Go.

  2. I’ve been reading Dear Wendy since the site started (and before, actually). I’ve commented here and there, mostly becase I read it on my phone at lunch. I’m in my late twenties, have a pet chinchilla named Norma Jeane, and I cook/bake all the time. My best friend and I go on a road trip every summer – last summer it was the bourbon trail in Kentucky. I’ve also got insane navigation skills (seriously, I once navigated us around the bayous in Louisiana using nothing but a cartoon map).

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      I guess since you’re a lurker, you know that we all trade pets on here all the time. I’m next up on the trade list, so let me know how I can get you my address so I can take a turn with Marilyn.

      1. How about using carrier piegons?

        Just be warned – she’s incredibly smart (or I’m ridiculously idiotic). It’s a humbling experience to have to regularly outwit something with a brain the size of a wheat Chex.

      2. AliceInDairyland says:

        I’m practicing cuddling (ahem, I mean “restraining”) chinchillas tomorrow!! Along with all the other furry little critters like ferrets, hamsters, and rats. Any tips? I have like zero experience with small mammals.

      3. Chinchillas are quick – and very opportunistic little suckers. Don’t let your guard down or you’ll be retrieving the fluff ball from the rafters. Also – they’re pretty much all fur, so you can hold them a little tighter than you think (don’t use a ninja death-grip or anything, but a firm hold is good). If you’re holding them away from you, support their butt and kind of hold their back feet in. If you’re holding them close, you can brace them with your chest (that’s how mine likes to be held).

      4. lets_be_honest says:

        I know what the pros are (they are cute and little). What are the cons to having one?

      5. Cons? Well, the usual stuff that goes along with rodents – especially the chewing. She chewed through a plastic waterbottle. Her food dish (she now has a metal one). And gnawed on the side of some bookshelves that I didn’t know she could reach with her teeth. She can also be noisy, especially at night. And the shedding, she has so much fur, very fine fur, that it can clog up your vaccuum if you’re not careful.

      6. Chinchillas are adventurous and fast. I had one get into the chimney that took forever to get out. Also, don’t get them wet. Not like gremlins “don’t get them wet” but something about their fur doesn’t dry properly. They take dust baths (which are freaking adorable and they love anyway).

      7. AliceInDairyland says:

        Whoo, thanks. Sounds similar to how I held my rabbits just a much round-er and smaller body shape. Should be fun, I think we get to skip all the un-fun parts like shots and blood draws and just do the snuggling tomorrow.

      8. They are rabbit like! Just a little more nosy and ornery. And so, so SO soft. Enjoy the snuggling!

      9. Ok, why do these little guys have to be restrained? This is hilarious. I used to have a ton of hamsters, mice, and gerbils, and basically I’d just pick them up and hold them in my hand. My first husband and I used to have this “miniature Siberian hamster,” and he’d stick it on his thumb like one of those koala bears that used to be on pencils (probably before your time!) and the hamster would just hang on like that.

        In all seriousness, my DOG needs to be restrained at the vet. They put a little muzzle on him, and they sedate him for even routine things. But why do rodents?

      10. chinchillas are a little bigger and i’m going to guess that no animal is going to just sit there while you say draw blood or try to give it a shot, etc. or do a lot of other things involved in exams πŸ™‚

      11. AliceInDairyland says:

        Yeah… blood draws, listening to their heart rate, giving fluids, inspecting anything that hurts… you gotta hold on to those little guys. I once had a whole hour long lab dedicated to restraining cats including wrapping them up tightly into towels (called the cat burrito, or purr-ito, technique). My life, ’tis always interesting.

      12. yeah i don’t miss restraining animals. i do know how to restrain dolphins and seals if you ever need advice on that, haha πŸ˜‰ doubt you’ll see many of those where you are though!

      13. Wow! Dolphins and seals. Yeah, cats, I can definitely see having to restrain. We actually roll our dog up in a blanket like a burrito at night just because he likes it.

      14. AliceInDairyland says:

        I kinda wanna do a marine mammal internship just because… fuck it, I can, and when would I get another opportunity to? But, it doesn’t make sense for my future job prospects so I will probably just save my cash and imagine myself doing awesome things like ultrasounding dolphins.

      15. lets_be_honest says:

        Have you seen DolphinTale?

      16. AliceInDairyland says:

        …No, should I? Haha.

      17. lets_be_honest says:

        YES ALICE! Tonight!

      18. well if you ever get a chance to and it’s not crazy expensive, i say go for it. it’s an experience that you won’t soon forget. they’re pretty amazing animals. and their anatomy is awesome!

      19. lets_be_honest says:

        Perfect! I’m ridiculously idiotic too. We’ll make a great team – the smart, little one and the dumb, big one.

    2. I had a cat named Norma Jean! She was my cat in college but eventually went to live with my parents, who couldn’t stand to part with her when I graduated. She would fetch like a dog and loved going for rides. She would set on my shoulder (like a parrot) while I was driving.

      1. That sounds like an AWESOME cat!

        I’ve named quite a few of my animals after Golden Age celebrities. I had a guinea pig named Frankie (Frank Sinatra) and one named Charlie (Charlie Chaplin). The only one that wasn’t, was my hedgehog Snuffles. But I was 9 when I got her. She’s just lucky I didn’t name her Princess Sparkle Unicorn.

      2. lets_be_honest says:

        OMG AMANDA. Those were my 2 favorite names for girls when I was having a baby.

      3. Princess Sparkle Unicorn and Snuffles?

      4. lets_be_honest says:

        Ok, you are my new favorite. Please comment every day, at least 14 times a day.

      5. AliceInDairyland says:

        Amanda I didn’t know where to put this…

        But I snuggled some chinchillas today and I am IN LURVE and I had no idea that they lived so long!! Like cat-long!! We had some from a local breeder come in and this little female just snuggled with me and snuggled with me, and fell asleep in my arms. And I almost put her in my lab pocket and ran away with her. I want one as soon as we move into our new house.

        Also I surprisingly really enjoyed the ferrets too, they aren’t prey animals so they are so much more… gregarious than some of the other ones. And they feel like furry snakes.

      6. I just saw this (clearly). They do live an INSANELY long time. You should get one. Mine makes me laugh – daily. And they really are great little animals. Fantastic personalities, too!

  3. Although I’m not new to the comments, I have taken more of a lurker role as of late. So, HI EVERYONE! Lurker Eljay here. As a refresher, I’m in my 40’s live in Maryland with my awesome 14-year old daughter, tragically single and can’t imagine a day where DW isn’t a part of it. You all are so intelligent and spot-on, I find myself not commenting because you’ve already said exactly what I was thinking in ways I couldn’t verbalize.

    1. Welcome! Don’t feel too bad, even if someone else has said something more eloquently, it doesn’t stop the rest of us from adding our 2 cents. Even if we’re saying basically the same thing. Everyone’s insight, thoughts, and experiences add value to the comments.

      1. Aaaawww thanks for saying that! I’ll try to chime in more often. It doesn’t help that one of my comments once was picked apart by an asshat of an internet troll and made me out to be some sort of dumbass who has no idea about life & relationships. Gotta admit, that stung a bit.

      2. What the????

      3. Avatar photo theattack says:

        I think I remember that from a few months ago. I’m sorry that drove you off! Most of us who have commented much have been ripped apart, sometimes by randoms, and sometimes by each other. It’s just the nature of the internet unfortunately, but I think DW is a lot more friendly than most places. A break always helps, but we’d love to have you back!

      4. This is why I love you guys. LOVE!!! Thanks ta, that means a lot.

      5. Avatar photo theattack says:


      6. lets_be_honest says:

        Please come back Eljay! You were one of my favorites! I miss you!

      7. LBH!! You are still my favorite! Love your comments and look forward to your point of view. I’ll definitely try to chime in more often. πŸ™‚

      8. lets_be_honest says:


      9. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        oh you two need to get a room already

      10. lets_be_honest says:

        I was waiting for you to say how jealous you are of my love. AND I haven’t gotten random commenter hate in a while now. The tides are changing Additha. Soon I will take over.

      11. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        oh my god you’re so right. ever since Cats Meow commented as me I’ve felt so replaceable. I think I need to re-brand Addie Pray. That’s it, it’s make over time.

      12. lets_be_honest says:

        Where’s Brian? Did you ghost him?

      13. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        I think my friend came on too strong and he ran away. …

      14. Noooo! Be you.

      15. Avatar photo Guy Friday says:

        Hey, it worked for me.

      16. Then nobody else would be witness to our special love. πŸ™‚

  4. Avatar photo Guy Friday says:

    Hi, I’m Guy, and I’m an alcoholic.

    Oh, wait. Wrong meeting. *backs away slowly*

    1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

      Damn it, I was totally gonna say that!

    2. You’re not a lurker, you’re the new celebrity guest columnist. And don’t pretend you thought it said “lawyer,” neither.

      1. Avatar photo Guy Friday says:

        “Celebrity Guest Columnist,” eh? I like the sound of that. Wendy didn’t tell me I got to be a celebrity, but I’m not turning it down.

      2. “Now Appearing on the world famous Internet as Gregory Peck.” Sounds celeb to me. Don’t forget to spill your guts about your messy breakup with some forgotten Kardashian sister.

    3. lets_be_honest says:

      Anyone else witnessing this sausagefest on DW? All the boys, all at once! (where’s bagge?)

      1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

        we should totally have a sausage fest forum.

      2. What do we do, compare equipment or something?

      3. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

        oh I thought we were gonna talk about bbqing sausages for a festival?

      4. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

        perfect place for a DW guys meetup

  5. Hello! I’ve been reading DW since the site started but have become a more regular reader over the past 6 months. I’m in my late 20s and relocated with my husband from Pennsylvania to Hawaii last summer because he got a position at the University of Hawaii (we both recently finished our PhDs). It took me a couple months but I found a job at a lab on campus but it is boring, hence my increase in readership! I am happy to not be enduring the polar vortex and have also been watching True Detectives.

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Hawaii! I am jealous.

      1. Yep! Its fantastic. Although actually a little rainy and chilly today – only 70 degrees right now πŸ™

      2. So jealous right now! I wish it were “only” 70 degrees in DC. Darn polar vortex!

  6. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

    Hi! I’m a PhD student in the south and I’ve been reading since the very beginning! I have a dog and a boyfriend and a boyfriend’s cat.

    1. where in the south are you? i’m in coastal SC! freezing my buns off today!

      1. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        I’m in Nashville! Also frozen πŸ™

      2. awesome i know there are a few other dwers there!

      3. Anonymous says:

        I miss Nashville, we lived there from 2009-2012. The people were so friendly there!

      4. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

        jlyfsh- are you getting snow??

        peppers what kind of PhD?? Details people! (Also Vandy? If so, boooooo.)

      5. Avatar photo theattack says:

        What?!! We cannot be friends anymore if you don’t like Vandy, GG. I loooooooooove Vandy. In fact I’ve had three different dreams about it this week.

      6. unfortunately no it’s ice. which is awesome since all of our power lines are above ground and the only thing they have to treat the roads is salt.

      7. Avatar photo peppers87 says:

        hahah yes Vandy. Sryyyy

        computer science! Hopefully I’ll be done end of summerish!

  7. My name is Barb but most people online (and a few IRL) just call me B. I’m from Maryland, turned 31 in December (the horror!). I’ve been reading Wendy since she was on The Frisky and naturally followed her here. I actually read the site every day but never comment. Not sure why, I guess I feel like I don’t have anything to add!

  8. Hi all! Great idea! I check Dear Wendy multiple times daily but rarely ever comment. Just wanted to say I particularly love Wendy’s essays on motherhood as they are so open and honest about all her feelings – good and bad. They have been a major source of contemplation for me while I decide if I want to have a child or not. I’m an accountant, I have a cat and I live in Bermuda. Sorry to all you lot freezing your butt’s off. I’ll be in NYC the end of February and I’m really hoping the whole winter storm thing is sorted out by then!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Bermuda! I am jealous.

      1. it’s a great place for a long weekend. Flights are only 2 hours from NY. Happy to show you around if anyone wants to do a meet up in Bermuda.

  9. AliceInDairyland says:

    Waiting for AP to get on and demand people say who their favorite regular commenter is… πŸ™‚

    1. AliceInDairyland says:

      PS I had NO school today because a UNIVERSITY CAMPUS declared it a “Wind Chill Day” or at least a half day, but I had no afternoon class so yay no class.

    2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Oh but I get a bigger kick when they just sua sponte spill the AP love. … So that’s my invitation for you to sua sponte spill the AP love…. Ahem. I dunno, I think I’m old news. I feel like I don’t comment or read as much as I used to. Which I guess doesn’t say much because going from a million times a day down to just a million minus 1 still feels like a lot of AP.

      1. It’s you, Addie. It was always you. And it’s killing us to live without you, even for just that one comment.

      2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Oh Diablo for the win!

      3. Avatar photo Guy Friday says:

        I want to say something snarky, I really do, but you just seamlessly used the phrase “sua sponte” in that sentence and . . . I mean, I just can’t.

    3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Just did an “AP” search and you’re the only one who mentioned me. This is hogwash. I think every Tuesday should be lurker day. At least lurkers-for-AP day. Ok, my head is about to float away so I need to stop and get back to work.

  10. MeggiePie says:

    I’m Meghan, using a nickname my family called me when I was growing up. I’m in my late 20s and live in Milwaukee. It’s freezing here today, so we get an early dismissal from work. My work day is done in 9 minutes!

  11. rocketgirl says:

    Hi, I have been reading Dear Wendy since the Frisky days and, of course, followed over here. I think I may have commented once? But this site has been a big support for me as I went through grad school and losing my parents. Just graduated a year ago with a Master’s in Counsling and I work in community mental health. I have over 50, single(for now:)), have a dog named Yoshi and live in Portland. I have always been impressed with Wendy’s advice and all of the funny, insightful,sad . and snarky comments here.

  12. Hello everyone! I’m a SAHM of three young kids. I have also been here from the beginning. I am a total advice column junkie! My kids are 5, 3 and 21 months; which is why I never have time to comment! Also, I have no life experience as far as relationships are concerned because I married my very first boyfriend. We met at 18, married at 21; we are both 33 now. My husband is an ER doc and before I had the SAHM gig I taught public school. We live in Scottsdale, AZ, but we also spent 3 years in Nashville for my husband’s residency.

    I think Wendy is awesome for running this site, I love to read everything on here! Sometimes you all are my only adult interaction during the day! πŸ˜‰

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      Love this comment! I laughed about this being the only adult interaction you have some days. My brother is an ER doc too.

    2. Avatar photo call-me-hobo says:

      Andie- did your husband do his residency at Vanderbilt?

      1. Yes, he did. It was an excellent program!

  13. I’m fairly lurky, I guess? I comment, but not often, and I don’t think often enough for anyone to really remember me. I’ve been reading Wendy since she was on TF. I’ll be 28 in May and have been married for 4.5 years. I have one son who will be 2 in a couple months. I’m a former military wife and very happy to have left that life behind (because my husband got out, not because I’m divorced). I’ve worked in the social work field in one capacity or another for a few years now. I have a crush on Adam Levine. I have a cat named Charlie. And it’s really friggin cold where I live. And I want a user name that isn’t my first name but I can’t think of a damn thing. Help!

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      How about Jennn-nay – then it will be your first name but also Forest Gump’s girl.

      1. Gahhh that’s a sore spot for me, because I’ve grown up being called jennnayyy and gotten the whole peas and carrots shtick since that movie came out. That and “jenny from the block”.

        By the way AP, since you like hearing people’s favorite regular…you are definitely one of mine. Which is good because I tend to remember people better if I DON’T like them then if I do. I suck like that.

      2. Did I make it sound like I don’t like you? That’s not what I meant. I just mean there are plenty of people here who I frequently agree with and enjoy reading their thoughts but I can’t always remember details about their lives. But the ones I dislike…I remember it all. Because I suck like that.

  14. HI! I’m a lurker who found this when googling for advice on something (I can’t even remember what exactly now) and I’ve lurked off and on since. I love the collective sisterhood of wisdom here, we are all learning from each other and its awesome! I’m a little shy so not going to reveal too much about myself yet. But its nice too see all the lovely people here.

    1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

      hey there’s boys here too :p

      1. You boys can be honorary members of the sisterhood.

  15. I feel like the only time I comment is on lurker threads! But I’ve been trying to say a few more things here and there. I’ve been reading Wendy since TF as well. I’m 28, married and live in Boston, but still relatively new to the area. I’m a civil engineer, which tends to sound more interesting than it usually is. I am pretty excited to be escaping this cold soon, my husband and I are going to India in a few weeks, where I’m hoping it’ll be warmer, but not too hot!

  16. Greetings from sunny SoCal. Lurker from the beginning. Unlikely to become a regular commentor for two reasons (1) My company insists that I maintain a low digital profile (and I must assume they read everything I write) and (2) if I fall down the commenting rabbit hole, if could take way too much of my time. Like others above, I am an advice column junkie and enjoy reading the site multiple times per day. Thanks for the site, Wendy!

  17. I’m Naps and I have commented once or twice here & there, but am a lurker by nature. I just turned 33 and I live in Wisconsin with all my boys. Husband, 10 year old son, 7 month old son, and two fuzzy dog sons.

  18. ZumbaPsychLady says:

    Wow, lots of fellow PhDs (which makes me wonder if this is representative of DW readers in general or just lurkers)! I’m a psych professor by day and a Zumba instructor by night, and I live in southeastern Ohio. Like Jenny, I’ve been lurking ever since DW was on thefrisky.com… so, over 3 years? I got married in September and have 3 black cats. πŸ™‚

    1. I love Zumba!! I used to go once a week but haven’t started up again since I moved. I was just saying the other day how much I miss it

    2. I love Zumba too. I went three times last week, which was slightly too much.

    3. Us lowly M.A.’s are more likely to shoot our mouths off than you more learned, circumspect, noncommittal, timid PhDs, because we know just enough to get ourselves in trouble, but not enough to get tenure. Assuming tenure is a real thing, not just a rumour started to tantalize English majors.

      1. MAs/MSs unite!

      2. ZumbaPsychLady says:

        Is shooting one’s mouth off more or less socially awkward than timidly lurking in a corner? Hard to say. πŸ˜‰ Tenure is like the Loch Ness Monster, supposedly seen by some but just scary and elusive to most others! Speaking of which (sort of), Diablo, are you from the UK? Your spelling of “rumo(u)r” tipped me off…

      3. From extensive experience, yes, shooting your mouth off is more awkward, especially, if like me, you have no idea what offends the normals.

        My spelling is due to that linguistic identity crisis known as being Canadian. Caught between the stately elegance of the British idiom and the brash, reductive phraseology of alla y’all Americans, we don’t spell “tire” “tyre” or “organize” “organise,” but the “our” ending is a point of honour. Or local colour. Either way, don’t ask us why, or we’ll just apologise. I mean apologize. Sorry.

      4. ZumbaPsychLady says:

        Canadian, eh? That would have been my #2 guess.

  19. I’m mostly a lurker and have been reading since the Frisky days. I’m 24 and married, with a cat, and we’re just two nerds who don’t want to grow up. I’m a designer for a small graphic design studio, and I love my job. My name is Myla but sometimes people call me mylaray because my legal name is Malorie.

    I live in Atlanta but I’m from all over the northeast (I think of Park Slope as my home since I was there the longest), and it’s snowing today! I’m working from home because of the snow, but I totally understand why people freak out over a little snow when they aren’t accustomed to it. The city is so much more prepared than 4 years ago when we had a lot more snow and it iced over the streets because there weren’t enough plows and I’m just glad it won’t be a week of staying indoors this time. It’s so pretty and I can’t wait to play in it later.

  20. Hi. I have been lurking since the beginning, but I haven’t commented except maybe once? I had trouble getting it to upload and quickly became a quitter. I am currently waiting out the polar vortex in Chicago.

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:


      1. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        You know what else is the best?

      2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        oh stop it slash go on.

      3. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        Talk about awesome, welcoming people? HELLLLLLO AP! She’s awesome. Meeting her? Like meeting a celebrity. It’s awesome.

      4. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        just like that! but not as awesome as meeting a former child star and sucking face outside the Grand el stop.

      5. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        Well people I know tend to meet celebrities soooooo makes sense.

  21. Hi all! I’m Elin but I’m not Tiger Woods’ ex-wife! I followed Wendy over here from The Frisky. Am I the only one who feels like it’s tough for lurkers because the regular commenters have such a rapport already, It’s like walking up to a table full of people you don’t know and asking to sit with them? Hahah
    Anyway, hi! I’m 25, went to school for mathematics and now help manage a midsize company in upstate NY. I love baking, bouldering, and bird watching. I like watching the same TV shows over and over (currently re-watching Gilmore Girls lol). Recently single (booo LDRs) and starting to date so I’ll probably end up needing Wendy’s advice myself here pretty soon haha.

    1. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

      YES! It’s why I often talk myself out of commenting (though sometimes I do)!! I completely agree
      Also, love Gilmore Girls…I just finished rewatching it! Where are you now?

      1. Avatar photo theattack says:

        I think of you as a regular commenter though, Lady.

      2. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        That makes me feel so special! One of my goals starting in the fall was to stop chickening out on commenting.
        You just made my day! I needed that. Today’s been kinda of shitty for me and that makes me so happy! (I may have an unhealthy obsession with DW)

      3. Avatar photo theattack says:

        Hahaha. The number one sign of a true DWer: an unhealthy obsession. Symptoms include:
        – Dreaming about DW
        – Refreshing the page constantly
        – Trying to open a new DW page because you’re so used to being on DW that you forgot you already had one open
        – Not making any life decisions without either wondering or asking Wendy or other commenters what to do.

        Seriously though, I remember you commenting for a couple of years now, right? You definitely should comment more!

      4. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        I fall under all of those categories!!
        I’ve commented occasionally…I’ll start, then freak out that I’m crazy and no one wants to hear…er see…what I have to stay and just go back to obsessively reading!

      5. lets_be_honest says:

        This is awesome. That last one is perfect. I’ve been tempted to get engaged just to tell DW. haha.

      6. Avatar photo theattack says:

        Hahaha. That sounds completely reasonable and awesome.

      7. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Yea you’re a regular. Plus my new rule is that anyone who has gotten into an argument with BGM gets some sort of elevated DW status.

      8. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        Today feels like a monumentous day.

      9. Avatar photo theattack says:

        Do we get a higher status every time we fight with him?

      10. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        yes! a virtual sash of sorts with badges we can sew on each time you get shit on by BGM. some of you are BGM Eagle Scouts by how much you clash heads with him! It brings me so much joy to watch when that happens.

      11. Avatar photo theattack says:

        I think GG, LBH, and I are practically royalty then.

      12. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:


      13. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:


      14. Nice! I get a +1 in that category then, although many people came to my defense, so I should probably share that +1…

      15. Haha glad I’m not alone in that!
        I’m nearing the end of season 3, Rory just got her acceptance letters from Hhharvard, Princeton, and Yale because she’s the biggest virgin ever lol

      16. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        Ahhhhh so good! What’s your favorite season? And Dean, Jess, or Logan?? These are very important, serious questions!

      17. I think season 3 is my favorite because I like Jess the best, but I wish he and Rory had had sex! Is that super creepy of me? lol

    2. Avatar photo theattack says:

      I definitely used to feel that way about it being hard to get into the group. I thought it was hard to do that when I first started commenting too. From observing several people entering the regular commenter group, I think the key is just… doing it? Giving your advice, responding to people’s personal stories, giving your own personal stories, etc. If you comment enough times, people will start remembering you, and it will be easier. Having a unique gravatar might help too, because I know I always remember people by their pictures most.

      Ask Banana how to do it though. She just started commenting one day and then all of a sudden, BAM! She’s right in the middle of things. Probably the fastest assimilated regular commenter ever.

    3. LOVE Gilmore Girls! One of my favorite shows of all time.

    4. That’s exactly how I felt at first!! And then I commented in drips & drabs, but assumed no one remembered me or that I had nothing special to say, so I went back into my hole. We are welcoming people, though πŸ™‚ (also what TA said)

      1. Avatar photo theattack says:

        The best feeling ever is when someone remembers something about you for the first time and you realize that your comments didn’t just disappear into the abyss of the internet.

      2. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        YES! I can’t emphatically agree enough.

      3. Avatar photo theattack says:

        Omg best afternoon ever. You can’t emphatically agree enough. Iwanna agrees with everything I said on the other post. LBH thought the same thing I thought. TODAY IS THE BEST.

      4. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

        I also completely agree with your post in the other thread…I was too chicken to say anything earlier. Now I’m just too lazy to go back to it and agree, but I thought your post was genius.

      5. Avatar photo theattack says:

        omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg I”m going to explode with happiness.

      6. I love your comments, Fab. Especially when you addddddd letterssssss. Haha. I think my favorite was you talking about talking to families of exes and comparing it to mold: “I’m just the mold that is sneaking into your life through your family memberssss” I think it was. Bahaha.

    5. AliceInDairyland says:

      Bird watching cool!!! I took a birdwatching class in undergrad, and it was pretty cool.

      1. I am such a crazy bird lady! I have 4 feeders and fill them obsessively, and my instagram is basically all pictures of birds I take from my kitchen window haha.
        Now that I’m out of school I wish I’d taken soooo many more/different classes! Psychology, ornithology, finance, etc. So now I borrow (steal) textbooks from work and teach myself things instead lol

      2. Avatar photo theattack says:

        That’s really cool, Elin!

  22. Howdy,
    I am a lurker of a couple years and read the site almost every weekday (at work ha ha). I am 34 married with a 14 month old son. I have my PhD in Economic Geography and work for the federal government in Central PA (cold cold cold today). I especially love Wendy’s personal posts about motherhood because she puts into words a lot of sentiments that I feel about raising my son. Since Jackson is a bit older I can also see some challenges, phases, and sweet moments that may be in my future. I love the forums section as well to read everyone’s advice and personal experiences. I don’t know why I don’t comment….I think I will try to start.

    1. Oooh, what does economic geography involve? I LOVE geography!!

      1. AliceInDairyland says:

        I second this question, I need to know more.

      2. Hey thanks for asking! Economic geography looks at economics and related concerns such as poverty and resources spatially. For instance, I did my research on rural Appalachia and how the unique aspects of this area and their spatial components which include topography, culture, and history impact the lives of people who reside there. Most of my work is considered social geography and I focused on the household economics of people living in a rural Appalachian town that is in significant economic decline. I got to do tons of interviews and such which I really loved.

      3. AliceInDairyland says:

        Did you serve as an expert consultant for Winter’s Bone? Haha… that’s the first thing I thought of. Sounds very cool!

      4. Ha Ha. I loved Winter’s Bone! Well…. it was pretty depressing but what a good story.

  23. Hello! I have followed Wendy since her days on The Frisky, and have been reading this site religiously since, because, honestly, what is more fascinating than a peek into other people’s lives?? Wendy, I also really admire your writing.

    I’m in my late twenties (very late)(too late)(oh god months left), and I live in Boston with my husband and our small brown dog. I’m a Serious Business Professional With Clients and Everything and I’m currently in the debate of whether or not to have kids. I swing back and forth – sometimes that idea seems totally great, and sometimes it seems totally not.

    I love potato chips, porters/stouts and San Francisco. I’m on a mission to try as many restaurants the Boston area as I can. I’m also a giant nerd and open to all sorts of nerdy conversations. I would love to write a novel, if I could ever find the time to write anything, ever. This post alone took a herculean effort of time management.

    You all seem like a really cool group of people! Hope I can get to know you all a bit better. πŸ™‚

  24. Yay! Hi Lurkers!

    I remember when I was a lurker for…a few months maybe?…when the site first started. I think what got me commenting was something on LDRs because I was so in lurrrve with my ex and we were in a LDR. It is incredibly addicting! No one in real life knows how much time I spend on here…

    1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

      Oh man, I remember when I was a lurker too, I wish I could remember what brought me out of lurkerdom, but I remember when I stopped feeling like a lurker because AP said something I said was awesome.

  25. Hey there, I’m a lurker that has made the rare comment here and there. I’ve too been reading since the Frisky days and these type of threads always come up when I’m actually getting work done and am busy. I’m in my mid 30s and live in Las Vegas, I’m terrified of people figuring out my real identity, which is why I keep to myself the other reason is I usually feel someone else has already said what I’d say in the comments so I just keep quiet and enjoy the read.

  26. Oops! I guess I’m a lurker too. I’ve been reading BDW (before DearWendy) & only comment sometimes. And I’ve written a few questions to Wendy, & you guys were pretty awesome about answering them (thanks!).

    I’m 30, currently in grad school right outside NYC, & I just got engaged 3 weeks ago yayyyyy! I like puns, photography, plants, & periodic tables (I’m a chemist). Also I guess I like things that start with P? My current all-consuming thoughts are how I’m going to graduate on time, how I’m going to plan (and pay for) a wedding, how I’m going to find a job in the next few months, & how I’m going to prevent my ring from getting chemicals on it.

    I read DW when I need a break from all that, which is, unfortunately, way more often than it gets updated lol. And I feel like I read so often that I know you all, which just sounds kinda creepy now because I’m a Lurker. Lol πŸ™‚

    1. Hi jottino! Care to point us to the questions that you wrote into Wendy? πŸ˜‰ (If not that’s totally cool, I’m just really curious.)

      1. It’s ok! I asked a few years ago how to deal with seeing an ex-friend weekly. (It was on that other website.) And more recently I had a question in the forum about +1s in wedding-related situations. I guess I could follow that up, now that you reminded me … lol.

  27. Northern_Coast says:

    Hi everyone.
    Here’s another lurker. I’ve commented once before under the same user name. Usually I don’t write anything myself, but I will occasionally upvote comments of others that I like.
    I’ve been reading DW regularly for a couple of months now, but I’ve read some of Wendy’s columns when they were published at The Frisky.
    I’m in my late twenties and I live in Europe. I’m in a relationship, so there’s lots of stuff that I can relate to, in the advice columns and in the comments. I think I’ve learned some reasonable things from this site. Sometimes I do feel that my culture is a bit different from the experiences that I’m reading about on DW (maybe less conservative or formal – especially regarding weddings).
    But it’s still interesting to read around and get some ideas, and maybe from now on I’ll comment more often. Or maybe not. At least I’ve said hi πŸ™‚

  28. Hi!

    I’m a lurker too and I think I’m happy that way. I’m 23 and been reading for a little over a year and a half now. I’m doing a Ph.D too, first year in Organizationnal Psychology. I love hearing Wendy’s comments, but it would take too much time to read all the comments and the forums, and as has already been mentionned by others, I don’t feel I have much to add. That being said, even though I don’t comment, I did write in once for a letter, so thank all for your feedback, it was appreciated! As soon as I have a suitable update, I’ll update too :). You all form a great community though πŸ™‚

    I think I’m slowly warming up to the initiatives too… I didn’t participate in the last two book drives, but I think it’s a great idea and will probably pitch in next time. So there! πŸ™‚

    1. ZumbaPsychLady says:

      Oh cool! My PhD is in Organizational Behavior (and I’m somewhat of a hybrid social/organizational psychologist). πŸ™‚

  29. I’m not a lurker, but I haven’t been commenting much lately, mostly because I feel like I’d just be repeating what everyone else has already said. But I’ll just come out and say hi anyway. Been a DW fan since The Frisky days πŸ™‚

  30. JessainDC says:

    Hello! I’m Jessie, in my late 20s, originally from Long Island but live in a suburb of DC with my fiancΓ© and adorable 15-year-old cat, Jinx! I work in marketing, was a journalist in a past life, and have been lurking since Wendy had her column on the frisky. I love the sisterhood here, but I’ve always been shy so this is a biiiig leap for me to be welcomed into the fold and not be a lurker anymore, haha.

    1. Jessibel5 says:

      We are like the same! I’m Jessi, live in a DC suburb, and am from right outside NYC! I love coincidences like that! πŸ™‚

  31. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:


  32. I’ve been a long-time reader of Wendy’s columns when they were on the Frisky, but was so pumped when she made the move to her own website a few years ago. I don’t even go to the Frisky anymore.

    Besides the crazy hilarity of some LWs, the columns on long-distance relationships really resonated with me. I had been in one for five years that ended last year and I’d like to think some of the columns helped ground my position. (Of course, then we traveled the world together but it was kinda too late to get a refund on all those visas and travel arrangments. That’s another story.)

    1. Avatar photo mrmidtwenties says:

      Tell us the story, we love details here !

  33. SummerChat25 says:

    Ok fine I’ll bite! I’m a true lurker, also since BDW, thanks to whoever coined that above! I’ve posted in the forums once or twice and I *might’ve* asked Wendy for some advice not too long ago, which ended up being a great experience – but I’ll keep it to myself which life dilemma was mine, for now! I’ve kept from commenting mostly bc I read all.the.time at work and I’m too nervous to login from my work computer and leave a trail!! I’m paranoid which is why I’m on my phone now. I live outside of Philadelphia, work full time, am single, have a cat, love to read, am obsessed with Netflix streaming (I’ve recently finished Breaking Bad, the first season of OITNB, and I just started 30 Rock) and right now absolutely cannot wait to get out of this cold!!!

    1. I recently just started (and finished) watching Breaking Bad too! I don’t know why it took so long for me to get into it.

    2. SummerChat25 says:

      Oh and I wanted to share – there’s been many a time when I had something going on I needed advice about and I would think about posting in the forums. But I feel like I’ve gotten so good at giving myself the right advice from reading the site for so long, so thank you to all for that!! Not to say I won’t post in the future but it’s so much easier to say to myself “you should MOA/do this/do that” if I know that that’s the response I’d get on here πŸ™‚

  34. Oh geez, I almost spit my water over “Additha”

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Additha! That’s me! That counts as AP love.

      1. Nuthin but love for you AP!

  35. Hi Everyone! I’m Bethany. I feel like I’m a lurker because I was unable to comment yesterday and this morning, and then before that I was on vacation, and I didn’t comment for like 4 days, and it was horrible. I feel like I missed so much.

    That is all.

  36. It’s so fun to see who else is out there! Wendy should do this semi-regularly.

  37. Longtime lurker from the frisky days, infrequent commenter πŸ™‚ I’m 28, a lawyer in chicago, and my husband is halfway through his residency (which is… so exhausting). I never have anything novel to say, but i love avoiding my billable hours by stalking the forums. Hi!

  38. NerdyNikki says:

    This is so fun! Hello fellow lurkers and regulars alike! I’ve been reading Wendy’s sage advice since TF days. I’m 28, originally from a small town in eastern PA, and I now work in higher ed communications & marketing in central PA. I previously worked on The Hill in DC…and while its good to be closer to home, I miss all of the good restaurants and things to do in the city. I live with my boyfriend, our two all-white kitties, Malcolm and Dougie, and our guinea pig, Chooch. My latest TV obsession is Sons of Anarchy. We were a bit late to that party, but just got all caught up, and are anxiously awaiting next season.

    1. Avatar photo LadyinPurpleNotRed says:

      YAY! I love Sons of Anarchy…I just got one of my good friends hooked, so he is steamrolling through them!

    2. SOA was crazy this season!

  39. TheRascal says:

    Total lurker here! For maybe about a year? I remember some Dear Wendy articles on The Frisky, too, but I stopped reading that site a while ago. It became boring to me. Perhaps I outgrew it.

    I’m an NYC resident, in Brooklyn for the past decade. Early 30s. I like cats. Books. Football. Volleyball. I just started yoga because I can’t touch my toes (who am I kidding–I can’t even reach my ankles). All in all, I live a full and centered life, with the occasional bump.

    My 20s, however….that decade was a different story. If only I had had the sage MOA advice back then!

    Still, I’m grateful for those turbulent times, as I wouldn’t be who I am today without them!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Where in Brooklyn? I’m in Prospect Heights.

      1. TheRascal says:

        Ditmas Park! (And previously Sunset Park, Greenpoint, Williamsburg…)

        I love Prospect Heights and Crown Heights. Mr. Rascal used to live in CH before he moved in to my place and we head back to the neighborhood frequently for dinner and drinks. If we move out our current apartment, which is unlikely anytime soon as it is 1.) HUGE and 2.) rent stabilized, we want to move to either Prospect or Crown Heights.

      2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        I have friends in Ditmas Park. And my first ob was there, right off the Newkirk stop. I like a place there called Ox Cart Tavern.

  40. ADDlibrarian says:

    I’m a research librarian with a very short attention span. The job suits me quite well because I get to research something different every day. I’ve been lurking for close to a year but have never commented, probably because 99% of the time my response is “OMG WWS”. I’m in my early (mid? what’s 33?) thirties and lead a delightfully boring life with my fiance and two cats in the Philly suburbs.

  41. Hello! I am not sure I am a lurker? I have commented once in awhile, but not very often. I have followed since The Frisky days. I guess I like to creepily stalk people on the internet πŸ™‚

    I live in the KC Metro area with my boyfriend, 2 cats and 2 dogs. I just turned the big 4-0 and from my dr visit today – apparently once you hit 40 you just fall apart. Which is something for everyone to look forward too!

    1. Rangerchic says:

      I just turned 38 and already feel like I’m falling apart so thanks for that!!! LOL πŸ™‚

      I live in NW Arkansas so about 3 hours south from KC and was actually thinking of doing a weekend trip to the zoo or something…do you know if it is worth visiting or have other suggestions?

      1. The zoo is pretty nice. The Polar bears are loving the polar vortex! There is also a new aquarium at Crown Center. I haven’t went yet, but I have heard good things. And from there you can walk over to Science City in Union Station. The Plaza area is always fun for eating, shopping and people watching too.


      2. Rangerchic says:

        Thanks! I’ll look into those πŸ™‚

  42. Hi all! I’ve been reading since the Frisky, but am trying to comment more. I’m from New England and am currently getting my Master’s degree and am also recently engaged, so I’ll probably need lots of advice!

  43. Wendy's Sister says:

    Hi, I’m Wendy’s sister Allison. I’ll be 31 on the 31st, I live in Austin, and I have no pets. I just got a manicure/pedicure on Saturday, and I like catching glimpses of my fingernails.

    I am super proud of my big sister for not only starting the site/keeping it up and running, but for forming a community where people can turn to each other in times of joy and sadness. I truly believe I have the best big sister in the world — someone who is always there for me, and someone to whom I look up. Thanks, Wendy!

    1. Wendy's Sister says:

      Hmm, that’s an old photo from back when Jackson was a newborn and I briefly commented under the name “Auntie Allie.” How do I change my photo?

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Group hug! (Can I group hug you two?)

        I’m AP and I like inserting myself in places I don’t belong. I just like to be in the middle, surrounded by love.

      2. Wendy's Sister says:

        Aw, Addie Pray, I’d like a hug from you!

    2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Aw, right back atcha, Allie.

  44. Rangerchic says:

    I’ve been reading since TF as well and comment sporadically. I’d like to comment more but always feel everything has been said or I’m intruding on the regulars. I just turned 38, EEK! Married with an 18 yo and 14 yo. Love to read and have recorded True Detective. Fell asleep in the first episode and just haven’t returned to it so it sounds like I should try it out again.

    We’re thinking of taking a vacation to Chicago this summer (I’ve been there several times and love it!) as a family (kids have not been there) so if anyone has any suggestions about what to do/see I’m all ears! :()

  45. Hello all! Been following, and commenting occasionally since the beginning. Followed DW from The Frisky? Was that where it all started? On slate maybe.

    Anyway, I’m 45, in a great relationship with my girlfriend and having fun. She has a son that she fostered then adopted. He was sadly abused and neglected and now is a troubled young man. I try to be supportive but can’t help much. I guess you could say I’m bisexual, though I normally date men. Still, it’s a great relationship and I’m in a really good place in my life. I have a great job and see and speak to my family often.

    I enjoy the site and hearing Wendy’s great advice!

  46. Hi all! I’ve been following Wendy’s columns ever since the site started (and even before that on The Frisky). I’ve commented on here a few times. I am a PhD student in my mid-20s and live in WA. I’ve been married a little over two years. I enjoy reading fiction, and just recently got Netflix and I’m super addicted (OITNB, Sherlock, Parenthood). I really like the close-knit community that is DW and a lot of things discussed here as well as Wendy’s advice (always so practical and sensible) have struck a chord with me several times.

  47. I’ve been reading DW off and on forever, but more regularly since I started working at home full time. I think I’ve maybe commented twice. I moved to VA, just outside of DC, with my husband when he got transferred four years ago. I can’t wait to move, sorry to any locals, it’s just not home. I’m 36 and we are trying to have a baby, which has not been easy. We moved on to IVF earlier this month and I find out if I’m pregnant on Friday. The wait is killing me.

    1. I find out Thursday! The wait is killing me!

  48. PlaneJane says:

    Hello DW!
    Glad to know I’m not the only one who’s been reading since The Frisky days and has yet to comment. Everyone here is so eloquent by the time I get around to commenting there isn’t much to add! Some quick facts about me are I’m 31, a military spouse, currently residing in the DC area, employed in health care and a “parent” of two awesome cats (one of whom is blind but you’d never know meeting him) Thanks for being so welcoming, my goal for 2014 is not to be such a creeper!

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Hi PJ! My nickname for you will be PJ here on out

      1. PlaneJane says:

        I feel like I’ve just had a brush with fame! I’m honored AP πŸ™‚

      2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Oh PJ you silly goose!

  49. trixy minx says:

    Hello everybody. I suppose I’m consists a lurker. My name is Trix.

  50. I’ve made comments here and there but I typically just follow and read. I have been following since before Dear Wendy. I saw a CNN article once and that led me to The Frisky and City Wendy so I’ve been around for a while.

    I’m 32, Lawyerly (sometimes) and live in Boston. I have a husband and two cats and a dog. That’s about it for me.

  51. Hello everyone. I’ve been lurking since Wendy was on The Frisky, so over 3 years. I love to read the advise being given, which at some point I can relate to.
    I am a teacher and counselor in Chicago (so I’ve had the past two days off), so I get to interact with tons of adults, but mostly talking about our students, our growth in the classroom and as a school. I am single, with a dog named Neo. I’ve been taking kickboxing/MMA classes since July, which is my other source of adult conversations.
    It’s nice to read the advise being given by Wendy and others. This is the one place conversations about education don’t happen, but more about life, which I enjoy reading. I don’t comment much because I feel someone else said it before me (I read late in the evenings), but will try to comment and join in the conversation.

    1. MMA classes sound so awesome! How did you get into that? I’ve always wanted to take some kind of fighting/self defense class but am too much of a wimp.

  52. Volcano Girl says:

    (I’m not sure I’m going to push publish on this one…)

    I’m a big time lurker, mostly for the same reasons as everyone else–not at a computer most of the day, don’t have anything to add to the insightful/ moving/ hilarious/ intelligent comments, etc. I adore reading Wendy’s advice, and just as much I adore reading through the comments. You are all so amazing, I couldn’t pick a favorite!

    I found Dear Wendy through Instapundit, I think. I’ve probably been lurking here for over a year?

    So! Three things about me, as if I were introducing myself at a party: I love volcanoes (going back to school this fall to finish my MS in geology), I am lucky enough to stay home with our five kids (oldest is just ten, youngest is 3.5, and no multiples) (yes, I’m crazy, but I really love it!), and I sit in my front room for hours, basking, whenever the sun comes out in January and February. Like right now. πŸ™‚

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Volcanoes! Speaking of, I hiked Mt . Fuji when I was 9! It was one of the highlights of my life. Thus far.

      1. Volcano Girl says:

        Oh, Fuji! It’s totally on my bucket list. Was it amazing?

        I’ve only been out of the country twice (once to the Bahamas and once to Mexico, both geology field trips as an undergrad), but I’ve hiked or otherwise explored a bunch of US volcanoes. Including an awesome helicopter ride into the crater of Mt St Helens! (Some husbands give flowers as presents, mine arranged my tour of a volcano. He really gets me!)

      2. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Um, that’s awesome!

        Yes, Fuji was amazing. My family lived in Japan at the time so it wasn’t a big trip for me to go. I went on a class trip, but I was the youngest in the group and the only one to make it to the top. I think I pretty much peaked at 9, because I’ve gotten super lazy since then.

  53. Avatar photo muchachaenlaventana says:

    Hm this is a little late but I will bite. I am a sort of lurker here, although I am trying to be more proactive in posting. I have been following Wendy since the Frisky and when she left the site I did too. I lived in Europe for awhile and sort of stopped reading but when I came back I picked right back up. I feel like I am constantly in the throes of a quarter-life crisis, although soon I won’t be able to say it’s quarter life…I live in the best state in the country, love traveling, baking, my dog, hiking, and have worked more jobs in my short years than most people will their whole lives, so I like to say I am a bit of a renaissance woman. I came out of lurkerdom to post in the forums and received some really helpful and constructive feedback! I hope to start grad school in the not too distant future and Wendy and the commenters here have actually gotten me through some really tough spots in life.

    1. AliceInDairyland says:

      …mucha, you are not a lurker. PS I really wanted to post something related to your anxiety freak-out the other day because I too did a whole break-up-make-up and then had a bunch of tailspins in the months following the make-up. But then you figured it all out, so yay!

      1. Avatar photo muchachaenlaventana says:

        ha okay I lurkish? also-really? I knew from my actual lurking days one regular commenter married an ex and that you had broken up and then gotten back together with your now forever-train seatmate. I think the tail-spins may come on and off, if there is a next time (hopefully not?) advice from someone who has been there would be great, as this is a really unique and interesting situation I find myself in and it is really hard to get like relevant advice I guess? Although everyone was really helpful when I had my little dram-sesh the other night.

  54. Hello all! I’ve also been following Wendy since The Frisky days. I’m a daily lurker, but enjoy reading all the sage advice you all give! Fortunately, my life is boring and I haven’t needed any advice (yet).

    My name is Casey, I’m 32 and live in the suburbs of Chicago. I’m a small animal veterinarian, and I know a lot of you are pet lovers. Being a regular reader, I’ve come to the conclusion that Addie Pray and I need to become friends…if she’s not afraid of the ‘burbs.

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Hi hi C money! I’m not afraid of the burbs at all! In fact sometimes I take field trips out to explore cute burbs. Which is your burb? My favorites are highland park, Evanston, oak park, la grange … And those I think are the cutest I’ve seen. Also you should meet Moose he’s the best doggie and he can sit now!

      1. Hey Addie!

        I live in Naperville, work in Downers Grove. My dog is also awesome, but she’s not so great with other dogs. What kind of dog is Moose?

      2. AliceInDairyland says:

        Oh hey… do you take 4th year externs? πŸ˜‰ Nice to hear from a veterinarian who still has enough time to read DW!

      3. Hey Alice,

        Yes, my hospital does take 4th year externs – we are a 24 hour general practice, specialty and emergency hospital. Where are you going to school? I went to Ohio State. It’s been a long road for me with vet school, internship and residency (which I finished a year and a half ago), so I feel I’ve earned my current position which allows me to read DW. πŸ˜‰

      4. AliceInDairyland says:

        Oh my gosh, you are so dedicated. I’m over at University of Wisconsin Madison. I’m in the middle of my third year and the thought of doing an internship and/or residency seems absolutely insane. Congratulations, that sounds amazing.

      5. Wisconsin is close – we have externs from UW all the time. It’s hard work, and I’m not gonna lie, I probably cried weekly during my residency. But to be at the end of the training road, doing what I want to do (neurology) is amazing! I can say it now, but it was all worth it. Good luck to you! I don’t know if it’s possible to do a private messaging through the site, but feel free to message me if you ever need anything, externship or even to bitch to someone who’s been through it.

      6. AliceInDairyland says:

        Oh my gosh you are awesome!!! Thanks for the encouragement (and honesty) from someone who’s been through it. I will have to come down to a Chicago meet up sometime!

      7. Yes, another Chicago meet up needs to happen! Addie, can you initiate this?

      8. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        Moose is a havanese. And in addition to sitting and fetching he has now learned to hump my leg.

      9. Havanese are very cute, I approve! πŸ˜‰

        When the weather is nicer, we need to have another Chicago meet up – I am definitely in.

  55. HOLA!!!! I’m a big-time lurker as well. Moved to DW from The Frisky. I comment very, very rarely for same reasons as above, it’s already been said, nothing new to add, blah, blah, blah.

    I’m from SoCal. Lived in L.A. for years, then moved to the IE. I have three AMAZING adult children and have been married 36 years to my high school sweetheart. I love, love, love my job and checking on DW throughout my work day. Also, I know it’s so wrong, but I’m obsessed with Teen Mom 2. ~ Hope Ya Have Fun Livin on the Streets wiff ya boyfriend!

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Hi bubbles! What’s the IE?

      Also do you know Sue Jones and Classic? They’re my moms on DW – you can be my mom too.

      Speaking of, where the F is classic? She’s been gone a long ass time.

      1. Anonymous says:

        AP! I’m honored you noticed! My daughter lives/is based out of Chicago so yes I will be your mom too. You can be the sister she never had. The IE is the Inland Empire in SoCal. Its about 60 miles east if L.A. and consists of Riverside and San Bernardino counties.

        Yes where is Classic?

      2. Here I am! Hi Bubbles!

      3. Hi Sweetie!
        I love you!

      4. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

        Classic! We miss you!

      5. Hi Dear Wendy! Hi everyone! I missed you, too.

      6. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        You don’t write, you don’t call, you don’t send flowers!

  56. Hi all!
    Like many of the lurkers, I have been reading Wendy since before she had her own site. I am an environmental microbiology professor at a big university, and reading advice columns is one of my vices. I am in my early 40s, divorced with 4 kids (all boys), and have colorful stories about my first marriage that would have made an interesting DW letter!
    I am in a nice long-term relationship now and pretty happy. Since I got tenure here (part of the whole “being happy” thing), I’ve decided I can have a life, and now I enjoy dog training. I have a border collie and am thinking of getting another. I like to travel and cook elaborate meals as other forms of procrastination.
    I don’t really contribute in the comments section (you all have great comments, while I get paralyzed just trying to pick out a screen name), but I enjoy reading all yours, and I often try to guess what points of letters will get attention in the comments.

  57. Bethanyui says:

    Hi I’ve been reading DW since The Frisky. I’m from Colorado, living in New Mexico. I’m 26 and married and I have a little boy who is 1 and a half. I’m a SAHM and and avid reader. I wear and collect lolita clothes. I like video games and have 2 cats too, Arthas and Calia. I’ve never posted, but I love reading here and the community seems awesome v

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Hi! What are Lolita clothes?

      1. Bethanyui says:

        Lolita is a fashion subculture that originated in Japan. It focuses on fluffy, frilly dresses, skirts, and blouses. It’s very girly.

  58. TheRascal says:

    I can’t seem to reply when logged into the site on my phone, but Wendy, I do dig Ox Cart Tavern! And the whole strip of Cortelyou has exploded with new business, as has Church Avenue, though to a lesser degree than say, Franklin Ave.

  59. Elizabeth says:

    Hi there, I have been reading DearWendy since the site started, and back when it was a column on the frisky. I actually wrote in once about 4 years ago, and received great advice! Guess now I’ll stop “lurking”!

  60. I’m Nick and I read here and upvote. Clear away enough cobwebs and there are comments I’ve made on a thread or two. I’m in Los Angeles, age 40. I enjoy Wendy’s writing, her empathy, and her sense of helping people set boundaries and expectations. Other advice sites too often degenerate into politics or arguments. Like others, it was Glenn Reynolds who first introduced me to Wendy several years ago (I’ve been a 12+ year reader of his). I come back because I like to work on my EQ by reading about difficult issues from many different perspectives. Being a lurker here helps me be a better listener IRL. I like the balance of advice posts, personal reflections, and the shopping ideas. Thanks to everyone for enriching this site with their comments too.

  61. Lurker since the beginning of the site. Came over from another site Wendy used to be on (for the life of me I can’t remember the name). I’m 36, have a 15 month old and am a Special Ed teacher. And well that’s all I have to say, back to my lurker hole. πŸ˜‰

    1. Did you see your shadow?!!? πŸ˜‰

  62. PirateLawyer says:

    Lurker here! I’ve been reading the site since its inception. Stats: 33-year-old female lawyer in Portland, OR, single, with an eye out for a nice, tall-if-I’m-lucky, emotional available, smarty-pants guy looking for same. πŸ™‚

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Hi! Is Portland as amazing as it is in my head?

      1. PirateLawyer says:

        Yes! I just moved here, but it’s a pretty great city. I realize you likely will not see this given the delay…but I wanted to respond! Maybe I will delurk more often. Hmmm.

  63. Something random says:

    Welcome lurkers! I lurked for a long time (since the frisky). I started commenting more when i decided to stop caring about being too redundant or correcting poor spelling because really, who cares? I don’t know that I’m particularly insightful but I have fun.

    I love the site and all the regulars (Addie, Lbh, attack, Katie, Kate, Alice, Diablo, Friday, snarky mark, Bgm, sky blossom, mid twenties, banana, and everyone else that I’m too lazy to look up for. See? That is how you post a comment without worrying about grammar or adding anything important. That’s why we have Wendy πŸ™‚ ( to do all the pretty writing for us)

    1. Avatar photo theattack says:

      Dude, we’re all redundant. Sometimes I think we just keep commenting to hear ourselves speak (see ourselves type?). Also I love you too for loving me! Haha

      1. lets_be_honest says:

        I love her more ta. I love you SR!

  64. legblonde355 says:

    Looooong time lurker here –since wendys TF days, do I win a prize? Anyway I’m in my late 20s live in upstate NY single but married to my job although I think I want a trial separation — ironically I’m a divorce lawyer. My hobbies are drinking wine while reading facepalm Friday columns. They always make me feel better about my life haha.

  65. I have also been a lurker since the TF days, I hope I’m not coming too late to the party! I have commented a few times in the past, but am normally pretty shy. I am 36, and am sitting with my baby girl asleep in my arms (which makes typing interesting). I love reading all the comments, and got through some tough times after the baby was born by reading DW and Wendy’s posts about her experiences. So if there is anyone still out there, thanks and happy to “meet” you all!

  66. shakeourtree says:

    Hi everyone. I’ve been reading for a few years, rarely comment. I’m about to turn 27, in professional school in the South/mid-Atlantic. I’m in a very healthy and happy newish relationship. I would say more, but I am currently writing this on my phone while my cat is laying on my head with her paw in my ear.

    1. Avatar photo theattack says:

      Another cat lady!! Hello, you will fit right in here. πŸ™‚

  67. Moneypenny says:

    Hi! I’m Mary, a sometimes commenter. πŸ™‚ I always feel like I’m late to the party since I’m on west coast time! I’ve been reading since TF and I’ve even met up/gotten to know a few of you in real life!! πŸ™‚
    I’m an architect, late 20’s, and I work in a rather large city in Northern California. I love black and white movies and browsing antique stores, and I sew clothing for myself as well. Hi all!

  68. sideshowshelby says:

    Hi I’m Shelby… and I’m a lurker. I’ve been lurking since TF and am finally ready to de-cloak πŸ˜‰ (I’m also kind of a dork)

  69. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

    Thank you all for coming out of your Lukerdom, even if it’s just for a quick intro and then back in again. But keep commenting if you want! We’d love to have new voices and stories and experiences in the mix.

    I cannot get over how many PhD students (and grads) and lawyers read this site.

  70. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

    This has been so fun – everyday should be de-lurker day!!!!

  71. Lurker since The Frisky but first time commenter πŸ™‚ mid 20s, live in Pacific NW, have two beautiful baby boys (cats), and live with my long term boyfriend who is an amazing cat dad πŸ™‚ I love Wendy’s advice and think she does a great job giving rational, well thought out answers to even the more “exciting” letter writers. Also, the essays are beautiful! All you regular commenters are hilarious too!!

  72. I’ve also decided to delurk after many years of reading! I’m in my late 20s and living in Delaware working in the banking industry. I’ve been in an amazing 6 month relationship with someone I didn’t expect to meet. Over the years I’ve sometimes felt like I could have written several letters that have appeared on DW, and the advice from Wendy and commenters has helped through some tough situations. I doubt I’ll fully come out of lurkerdom but it’s been great to introduce myself!

  73. Hi, I’m a longtime lurker who’s been reading Wendy since her Frisky days. I’m on West Coast (No. Ca), so I read pretty late in the day when everyone’s mostly done commenting. But I think it’s a great site and Wendy is a great writer. I am in my early 50’s, married 25 years, two teenage sons. Also, this may be a stupid question but: I don’t really understand how you get a tiny picture for your avatar? Like can you use any picture and it gets shrunk down to the avatar size? Hate asking my sons obvious computer questions like this because they already think my computer skills are pretty weak.

    1. Wendy's SIster says:

      I don’t remember how I put mine on there, but I want to change mine, and I don’t remember how. Any help would be appreciated!

      1. @GabbyCat @Wendy’s Sister – to change your avator, once you’ve logged in go to the very top, right side of page it’ll say “Howdie (Your Name)” click there and it’ll take you to your profile. Scroll down to where it shows your avator, then click on browse to change your avatar picture. Hope this helps!!

  74. Avatar photo Abby Normal says:

    I hope I’m not too late! I’ve been a lurker as well since the Frisky. I’ve recently commented a few times here and there but since I’m on the West Coast in the lovely state of Washington, most conversations are done by the time I’m able to check the site. I’m 22 and currently finishing up my anthropology and history degrees. My boyfriend and I own two wonderful adopted cats, a one-eyed Maine Coon and a 20-somethig pound Siamese mix who’s on a diet. My hobbies include reading and playing board and video games and I’m currently working my way through all of my Hellboy comics again.

  75. Dietcokeaddict says:

    Hello. I am jumping in too. I’m an accountant in Pennsylvania and mom to two little girls aged 2 and 1. I read Wendy’s column on the frisky and googled to find her when I had my first baby. I love Wendy’s advice and her personal columns especially the alphabet a history series.

    I usually don’t comment because I don’t have much to add and also because I sometimes feel shy. Silly to feel that way on the internet huh?

    Oh I’m 31. So I think that puts me somewhere in the middle age wise?

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      31 puts you at SUPER YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m 35 so you have to be SUPER YOUNG, so I can be considered SUPER YOUNG +4.

  76. Avatar photo plum blossoms says:

    As always, I am late to the party, the main reason I just read comments instead of making them. I have limited internet access at work, and DW is part of my evening unwind, and by then most of the good comments have been made!

    I’m a speech therapist, living in Chicago the last 5 years, and been reading DW since it started on TF. At some point I realized I might be living on Wendy’s old street in Chicago – Winthrop Ave? Can’t remember how I came to that conclusion but it might be from something in one of the ABC stories she posted (miss those). At any rate, I live very close to Lake Michigan and recently finished a project where I went to the park in Edgewater and took photos of the lake every weekend for a year because the water looks so different day to day. I doubt I’ll spend the rest of my life in Chicago, as much as I love this place, and I wanted a record of the way the lake looks under different conditions because it is my favorite part of the city. Fortunately, I finished my project before the subzeros set in… brrrr.

    Now that I’ve signed up, maybe I’ll join in the comments and forums now and then, if something worth saying hasn’t been said yet!

    1. Avatar photo Dear Wendy says:

      Yes, my second Chicago apartment (out of four) was on the 5200 block of Winthrop. I lived there from 2002-2004. I loved being so close to the lake!

      1. Avatar photo plum blossoms says:

        My first apartment was on the 5700 block, and my current is on the 5400 block. Only drawback is being a little *too* close to the Red line.

  77. Hello Everybody,
    I’ve been lurking/ stalking since TheFrisky. I have an addiction to this site, especially since I check it every morning before I check my email.
    I’m in my late 20s and in the process of getting my PhD. in bioengineering. I have two cats and a dog who I talk to everyday to keep me sane. My hobbies include reading trashy romance novels and playing video games.

  78. Skittlegryph says:

    I’ve been lurking and reading since DW was on The Frisky. Commented once or twice I think. I’m 26, and live in Austin, TX with my boyfriend and our houseful of pets. Two senior Pugs, two rats, five guinea pigs, three leopard geckos, a Rosy Boa, an Emperor scorpion, a Honduran Curlyhair tarantula, five goldfish and three bettas. >_> I work at a pet store, what can I say. I have a BFA that I’m not using, since I went to college because it was expected of me and not because I wanted to.

    1. Wendy's SIster says:

      I live in Austin too! Woo!

  79. I heart all the lurkers, all the cats, and all the cakes. That’s my life in a nutshell.

  80. Hi everyone! Like most here, I’ve been reading since the Frisky days, but haven’t commented. I work in education right now, but am planning to go back and get a BS in Computer Science, hopefully starting at the end of this year. I live with my husband, and we both like to brew (and drink!) beer and go hiking. We are child-free, but have two cats who can be super adorable and super annoying.

  81. Add me to the list of BDW/read since the Frisky, PhD student 20-something city dwellers. I live in NYC and have been married 3 years. I don’t have any pets right now, but I really really really want an 80+lb dog. I don’t work with many women so I love the fact that there are so many ladies to well, I suppose as a lurker not speak with, but hear opinions from on this site. I read this site all the time (recently every day), because Wendy gives the best advice. Also, I love seeing the commenters get into mini-fights, especially with overly-defensive LWs. Since someone asked, I think my favorite regulars are AP, Bethany, and bgmark.

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      Love you, coconot!

  82. I’m a bit late, but I might as well join in! I found Wendy’s old City Wendy blog ages ago, and I just loved her writing style. I’m 31 and live in Florida. I have a BA in classical studies, which I later realized wasn’t the most practical field to study, and I’m a nanny for my almost three year old nephew, as well as a boy three months younger. They’re super cute kids, but sometimes I feel like they’re driving me crazy.

    1. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

      Ahhhhh Florida!!!! Where?? I’m like the only DW Floridian and I want a meet up!

      1. Haha, I’m actually in Gainesville, and based off your username, I think you might be too!

      2. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

        Yes! Omg meet up!

      3. Florida is such a huge state! Is there really no one else from here? How long have you been in Gainesville?

      4. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

        There was another commenter who lived in the Orlando area, but she hasn’t been around for a while. And than another who is moving to south FL in the summer, but it’s just me really! I’ve been here for about 3 years, my husband is in grad school. If you want to e-mail me please do! I wonder if we know any of the same people! Amanda @ hltf.net

      5. I am in Florida! The panhandle though, so it hardly counts.

  83. JaqAttack says:

    I’ve been lurking since Wendy was still writing for The Frisky. I’m recently back in college to finish my biology degree and spend a lot of time in a research lab working with machines that have fancy names, but really don’t do anything that cool. I live with my boyfriend and dog on the East Coast and am really, really looking forward to spring.

    1. what kind of work do you do? i work with water quality! (abiotic factors)

  84. Ahh so many lurker comments for me to read this morning , yayy@! Hi everyone!!

  85. Avatar photo GatorGirl says:

    Wendy, have you ever considered doing a survey about demographics? I think it would be fun!

    Also, hi lurkers!! If anyone is from Florida lets meet up!

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      Good idea. I was thinking also (in the shower this morning ???) that Wendy should do a Ask Me Anything. I had the perfect question, and of course have already forgotten it.

  86. Hooray for all the lurkers!!

    Welcome everyone!! It’s interesting knowing that so many of you are out there reading all the nonsense us “frequent commenters” write!

    1. Avatar photo theattack says:

      Interesting and a little anxiety-provoking. Like what if my mom comments on here that she’s been lurking? So embarrassing.

  87. Ahhh the one day I don’t check DW I miss this! I’ve been reading for almost three years, and fun fact – my birthday is the same as DW’s birthday. I’ve posted two different threads about two different relationships and maybe two or three comments, but I mostly just lurk. It’s kind of weird because I feel like I know you guys (and I am secretly super jealous of the hidden facebook group that sometimes gets mentioned!) but you know nothing about me. Instead of saying much about myself, though, here are all my thoughts on DW stars for your perusal and enjoyment:

    Top fave commenter: Addie Pray (of course)
    Commenters I identify the most with: Fabelle and Cat’sMeow
    Commenters I think have the most different perspective from me: Gatorgirl and theattack
    Other commenters whose “stories” I follow: katie, Iwanna, let’sbehonest, KKZ, painted_lady
    Best new commenters: Banana and SasLinna
    Commenters I miss: Regina Rey and Zepp (and Anna, I want a life update!)

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      This was the best (of course)!!! πŸ™‚ I too miss RR – and theotherme and budj and spaceboy and I ALWAYS want Anna updates.

      1. lets_be_honest says:

        Gah. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m just angry at theotherme for leaving me.

        Hi Lucia!!!

    2. I want updates from Anna, too!

      1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        It’s really shitty of Anna to leave her desk job (where she could DW all night) and take on a job that has her moving about, test driving cars, and NOT in a position to DW all day. It’s like she wasn’t thinking about us AT ALL when she made her career move. The nerve.

    3. Holy crap I got a mention! I feel so special ^_^
      Because even though I guess I’m kind of a regular now, I still sometimes have that “inviting myself to the cool kids’ table” anxiety that someone mentioned above. But I have earned some Battle with BGM merit badges so I guess that’s enough street cred to get by on. πŸ™‚

  88. lets_be_honest says:

    This was my favorite thing ever. I hope we do this more. Also, I’m still focusing on remembering my secret for the next deleted thread.

    1. AliceInDairyland says:

      I need a deleted thread. I have a secret/need advice. Hahahaha!

  89. Avatar photo mouelberry says:

    Hello! I’m a mostly-lurker. Written a few comments, asked for advice once or twice. I started reading a few years ago when I was looking for long distance relationship advice. The distance is now over (yay!), but I still read almost every day. I’m in my mid-twenties, just finished my masters in American history, and am living in NY.

    Love reading all your comments – and getting to (creepily?) get to know everyone’s unique and awesome perspectives.

    PS: shout out to Fabelle – I feel like we are really similar, always look forward to reading what you have to say πŸ™‚

  90. Hi Everyone! I am a lurker from Maine, and have been since Wendy was on The Frisky. I have to say that I am sincerely jealous of the “wind chill days” and days that people are getting off because of the cold! I am married with one child, 2 dogs, a leopard gecko, and I love crime shows. I have a bachelor’s degree with a concentration in Forensic Science, but I don’t use it. Instead, I work in the tire business and know WAY more about tires than any girl should. πŸ™‚

    I love Wendy’s advice and bluntness, and the honesty of the commenters (although I think that bittergaymark could use a “happy place” every now and then). Anyway, I love this site, and look forward to reading it everyday!

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      Where in Maine buga? HIIII!

      1. Hi LBH!!

        I live in Minot, a suburb of Auburn. Have you ever been up here?

      2. TheGirlinME says:

        YAY!!! πŸ˜€ Hi fellow Mainer! I live in Bath. This summer when LBH comes up, we should all go have lobster & beer.

      3. lets_be_honest says:

        I’m in!

      4. Me too!

        p.s. Why do I have 2 comments with one under “anonymous”? Weird.

      5. lets_be_honest says:

        Minot? Why not? haha I’m a joker.
        No, but I go up to Maine every year, several times a year actually. Its my favorite place. Kennebunkport area. Have you been?

      6. That’s funny because my father just opened a renovated barn for weddings and their slogan is “Why Not Tie The Knot in Minot”.

        Kennebunk (or any coastal area) is beautiful. I highly recommend everyone visit the Maine coast and have a lobster roll at least once in their life.

      7. lets_be_honest says:

        Haha, that IS funny! I hate lobster, which is weird. I don’t eat any seafood, so I’m stuck living off of chicken fingers when I’m there, haha.

      8. I don’t eat seafood either! It’s like a phobia or something. It all creeps me out.

      9. lets_be_honest says:

        Tell me why and I will tell you why I can’t…

  91. D in Atlanta says:

    I’m D in Atlanta, I’m stuck inside on a snow day. I’ve been lurking for years. I love reading Wendy’s thoughtful, compassionate and brutally honest responses to the letter writers. I also enjoy reading about her adorable son and husband. I also love reading the comments from everyone else.

    Thank you for the opportunity to introduce myself, more than likely I will return to lurking.
    And if I find myself ever needing advice, Wendy will be the person for me.
    Thank you Wendy for all you do, so many people appreciate your honesty.

  92. xskycrosszeria says:

    I’ve been lurking since wendy was on the frisky. Ive actually posted on the forums for advice dealing with my past issues. I’ve gotten a lot of support and insight from the posters on that. Thank you again. I love wendy’s responses and all the input from the readers over the years in the comments sections. I usually skim through them and try to read as much as a I can. It’s helped me apply different pieces of advice given in the comments sections to my own life while i’ve been dealing with my own issues.

    I’ve currently (finally) finished my bachelors and looking for a job. Kind of hard, economy still isn’t so great. I’m currently looking for volunteer work in the mean time to keep myself busy.

  93. Hi wonderful people!
    My name is Kacie and I’ve been lurking for about a year or so here. I love this site and the discussions I read through, I just never feel I have anything new to add to the comments. I’m late 20s, just got engaged. I teach math to 8th graders at an inner-city all boys school so everyday is an adventure. I have a chihuahua-yorkie mix named Penny Lane and a nameless cat we took in when she wandered into my fiance’s parents’ garage last fall.

  94. No Pantalones Today says:

    Hi! I’m No Pantalones Today. As you can tell, I hate wearing pants and purposely lived by myself for 12 years after college so I never had to wear pants in my own home ever again. Now I live with my husband and he’s cool with that rule. We live outside of Philly (I lived in CC for 8 years), but may be moving to the Boston area in 2014. Any Bostonians out there? If so, do any of you happen to work in neuroscience? Anyway, I’m an editor and writer for a large firm and when I’m not editing and writing, I’m spending my time with my husband, niece, family and friends. Brunch is my favorite thing ever and I hate people who walk too slow down city sidewalks. We love to travel, but find ourselves traveling to Richmond (my college town and where my in-laws live) or CT (where I grew up) more often than taking our own vacays. I’m super excited with the thought of moving to Boston because I like the idea of living in New England and exploring states that normally aren’t a few hours worth of driving away. Hmmm. I also love sweaters and hate being sweaty. I’m over summer by July 4. Thanks for reading!

  95. I’m not sure if I count as a lurker, but I was mainly a lurker until a few months ago. And it looks like I missed most of the fun yesterday, but I’ll introduce myself anyway. I’m a PhD student in linguistics and will hopefully be getting my degree before the end of the summer (I’ve said that I’m finishing within the year for while , but it’s actually happening now). I’m living in DC with my longtime boyfriend and have been through the trials and tribulations of a LDR on multiple occasions.

    I love to knit and do ceramics and at the urging of my boyfriend will probably start an etsy store post-degree. (My avatar is an elephant toy I knit.) I spend most of my time cooped up in my home office, which leads to a lot of reading DW… At least I have a good view from my office? It’s a big part of the reason we chose the place we did.

    Uhhh that’s about it, glad to see so many other academics on this site!

    1. No Pantanlones Today says:

      I love that you have a happy home office πŸ™‚ I’m trying to carve out a little niche for myself at our house for the days I work from home.

      1. Yeah, a good home office is crucial for me because I literally work here every day that I don’t head to a coffee shop or something (with the weather being as it has been, I’ve been cooped up here for a few weeks). Although I haven’t done much to it so that I would actually finish my degree, I painted it yellow last year and that made it a lot happier. Good luck with your niche!

      2. No Pantalones Today says:

        You know, I feel like this would make a great piece; everyone can post pics of their niches at home, whether it’s for reading, creating or work. I love that you painted yours yellow. I may have to steal that.

      3. lets_be_honest says:

        You have the warmest voice. I think you should respond to letters with video from now on. I would feel better hearing a warm voice while reading the advice. Don’t you all agree?
        Such a cutie he is!

      4. Avatar photo theattack says:

        Hahahaha. “Wearing hats! Wearing hats!” How adorable! I want to see what happened after “You’re supposed to be taking a nap!”

      5. something random says:

        LOVE THIS! My two year old is always making “hats” and evading naps. If I had videoed him today you would have seen him stuck with one leg up over the rail “hep me” “hep me”

      6. lets_be_honest says:

        Best idea ever! I already shared my favorite niche at home though πŸ™

      7. No Pantalones Today says:

        You did? Did I miss it? πŸ™

      8. That is a great idea! But if I shared mine, I’d probably just shove all the clutter out of the way and pretend that it’s not a mess…

      9. No Pantalones Today says:

        Haha same. I always tell myself that if i just shut the door, I won’t see the mess and, therefore, it doesn’t exist.

  96. I’ll post since sometimes I feel like a lurker. I typically only check in on my lunchbreak at work, so while I read the post and a lot of the comments I rarely comment myself. I live in the Chicago suburbs, though I’ve never been to a DW meetup (thanks social anxiety!). I like cats, horror and sci-fi (currently obsessed with Walking Dead, American Horror Story Coven, and Being Human on SyFy), and reading obsessively.

  97. Hooray for lurker introduction day! I’m K, a 28-year-old born-and-raised southerner living (and surviving Snowpocalypse 2014) in Birmingham, Ala. I’ve been reading Wendy’s stuff since she was on TF, and followed her over to the new site. I work in communications and am a part-time graduate student.
    I have special love for lots of you regular commenters– AP, iwanna, LBH, Cats, GG and mrmid

    1. lets_be_honest says:

      Hi Lady K! Hope you’re enjoying all the snow!

    2. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      back off, lbh. lady k, i love you more than lbh and i hope you are enjoying the snow more than lbh hopes you are enjoying the snow.

      (everything is a competition geez)

      1. lets_be_honest says:

        I’ve been here for her from the moment she first commented. She knows this. You, on the other hand, took 7 minutes to reply.

      2. Ladies, ladies! Can’t I admire you both equally? LOL
        As for this snow thing y’all, I’m trying to enjoy it (translation: I’m cuddled under blankets with a glass of wine and “Friday Night Lights” streaming on Netflix). My behind doesn’t do well with temperatures that are below freezing.

      3. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

        I didn’t want to smother the poor girl. Emily Post says you are supposed to wait 7 minutes before you welcome a lurker on the internet. Duh.

      4. AliceInDairyland says:

        This is my favorite comment on the whole thread. I may have snorted out loud in a coffee shop (which Emily Post would not have approved of).

  98. Avatar photo lemongrass says:

    Welcome lurkers! Even though none of you listed me as your fave, you are all still welcome. Kind of.

    1. Avatar photo Addie Pray says:

      lemongrass is my favorite!

      1. Avatar photo lemongrass says:


    2. something random says:

      I love ya lemon

  99. Of course I’m insanely busy at work and missed this entire post! Glad I sorta be an un-lurker on the forum post a couple of weeks ago! But hi all from San Diego!

  100. Hi, I’ve read every Dear Wendy column since it was on the Frisky. I’ve commented here and there, but I wish I was more involved, because I get really drawn into the questions, answers, and comment threads.
    I’m 27, I live in Pittsburgh, I have some useless degrees in the humanities/arts and work a bunch of non-related jobs.

  101. I didn’t get on this yesterday! Greetings–I have been lurking since The Frisky. I’ve commented maybe a couple of times, but I am pretty reserved. I live in the Chicago suburbs and went to one of the meetups–the one that Wendy attended! πŸ˜€

    This site helps me get through the day since I often have long workdays. I had a lot of relationship drama the last several years and felt pretty lost, and the site has helped me to see things in new ways and hopefully improve myself and my approach to relationships if it should happen that I get into one again…

  102. I hope it’s not too late to un-lurk myself!! I’ve been a fan of Wendy’s since the days on The Frisky, and love reading Wendy’s sage advice, and the community here. DW is one of the only sites I visit on a regular basis! I live in Minneapolis, am in my late twenties, and work for a nonprofit, doing fundraising.

  103. I posted this elsewhere, but I think this is the better spot.

    ‘Another long time lurker here! As others have said, I started reading Dear Wendy back when the column was on the Frisky. I’m really glad that Wendy started her own thing ~ I couldn’t digest some of the other contributors on the Frisky anymore. Ugh. I never have anything to add to the comments, as the β€˜regulars’ are always way ahead of me with thoughtful responses.

    Here are a few personal details about me:
    -I live in San Diego, California (where it’s 68β€² right now, don’t hate me!).
    -I read with a mixture of laughter and horror anything I can find on this site regarding dating.
    -Technical Editing is my profession, but performing at renaissance faires is my passion.
    -I have a huge girl-crush on Addie Pray!

    It’s really nice to know that I’m not the only one hiding in the background. Thanks for dragging our reluctant, lurking butts out into the light of day, Wendy!’

  104. I am so late to this party! It only took me three days to find the time to de-lurk myself, so I guess that’s my reason for never commenting.I started reading Wendy’s blog way back when she first moved to NY. I had just moved from Chicago to my then-boyfriend (now husband)’s hometown in Mexico, and was missing my Chicago peeps something fierce, too.
    Now I’m living back in my hometown of Detroit (I almost de-lurked one other time to defend its run-down but charmingly misunderstood honor), teaching elementary school kids to speak Spanish and raising my wee boy who is a year and change. I mostly check DW when I’m pumping at school, or nursing him to sleep, so you’re welcome for associating breast milk with this site. Thank god for internet anonymity!

  105. I have been a lurker for a long time. I first found Wendy on TheFrisky and have been a fan ever since. I am a 36 year old Trauma Intensive Care Unit Nurse, mom of 2 and husband to career Army man. This is my second marriage and we have been married since Oct. 2012. My husband is stationed 10 hours away. We have a house there and a condo in our hometown. We try to see each other once a month. It takes a lot of juggling and work and commitment but it works. This sounds horrible but I love the letters because it makes me grateful that we don’t have those problems. I love Wendy’s advice and all the intelligent, amazing comments.

  106. I have been lurking a LONG, loooong time!!! I have been reading DW since she wrote for the Frisky (her article was really the only thing i’d read on that site) and then since she started this site.

    I am a 30-year old corporate attorney for tech and start-up companies and venture capital firms. I live in Austin with my husband and 2 Scottish terriers. My husband is in the Air Force and recently left for a 6-month deployment in the Middle East.

    Funny story: Before my husband and I were married (back in 2011), I wrote to Wendy about whether I should continue to date him, and she said I should not!! I didn’t listen, and it ended up being a great decision. :o) The article was not published because she had written a similar article in the past, but she emailed me personally (which I believe she used to do for all writers- not sure if she can still do that). The issue was that he was in grad school and I was a first year associate attorney and we had vastly different lifestyles/income levels at the time. I was sometimes resentful because I was working long hours while he would sleep in. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that I didn’t know what I could ever do without him. We have fun together and share a lot of life goals and ambitions.

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