I’m 30 and I’ve been dating this guy, “Sam,” whose 32, for a little less then two months now and we’ve been on about six or seven dates in this time. I’m ready to settle down and get married, and even though it’s very early on, Sam has a lot of the qualities I’m attracted too: he is funny, successful, ambitious, and has a good relationship with his family and friends. Things were progressing quite well for the first five dates, but then his boss went out of town on a two-month business trip, and Sam is suddenly too busy to see me as much as I’d like.
Last Friday night, he made plans to have dinner with a friend of his he hasn’t seen in a couple years, which really pissed me off! I’m thinking, he has time to squeeze in a Friday dinner with an old friend he hasn’t seen in years, but he doesn’t have time for me?! I decided to ask where he thought things between us were headed. He said that he really wants to keep getting to know me, but that right now he can’t promise three or four dates a week because of his hectic schedule.
That was almost week ago and I haven’t seen him yet, but I know he had time to hit the race track with some friends, go to a family function, and drive an hour south of the city to hang out with other friends. I’m not interested in a casual dating relationship and thought I was clear with him about this. I’ve decided to go out with him this Friday, but I’m not really looking forward to it anymore. How many more dates do you go on before it’s time to cut your losses and MOA? — Looking for a Husband
Woah, sister, what part of “I can’t promise three or four dates a week” did you not understand? When you were clear about wanting more than a casual relationship, Sam was clear that that was something he couldn’t give you right now. He didn’t mislead you, lie to you, or pretend to be interested in anything other than what he’s actually interested in: getting to know you slowly. And if he knew that you, a woman he’s known less than two months, was already feeling possessive of his time and jealous of the attention he’s been giving friends and family (you know, the people you’re glad he has a good relationship with), his interest in getting to know you at all would probably vanish as quickly as a stash of blow in Charlie Sheen’s nightstand.
If it’s a commitment you want, then MOA, and find someone who’s able to give that to you. But quit getting pissed at a guy who’s been nothing but honest and upfront about what he is and isn’t able to give you. That’s just cray-cray.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected].