New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.
I have met quite a number of his friends and he’s introduced me to part of his family. He says that he loves me and wants something long-term with me. I do visit him over the weekends and spend the night, and he prefers that I leave my stuff at his house. But I’m skeptical about all this because he’s still in contact with the other girl and says that he needs time to break it off with her. This woman knows about me and says that she’s got nothing to do with him. I have been patient, but it’s wearing thin. I made a mistake of texting the woman, telling her to let us be if she’s got nothing to do with him, and he got quite angry and told me to never call that woman again, that I was complicating things for him, and he asked why I wasn’t being patient.
I have walked out on him once, which left him distraught, begging me not to leave him, and saying that he loves me. I think I’m being lied to here and that he still has feelings for the other woman. This woman claims that he borrowed some cash from her and that that’s what she needs from him, but I think she’s using that as an excuse to keep him around.
I walked out on him yesterday while he was in the bathroom because of this issue. He’s apologized, but I don’t trust a single thing he says now. I love him, but I don’t understand why he has to keep contact with another woman with whom he’s been involved. Please advise me. — Not Trusting a Thing He Says
Come on now, the guy is playing you and you know it. He doesn’t “need time” to break up with his other woman. Who needs time to break up with anyone? Even a marriage can be gotten out of relatively quickly if it’s what both parties want. The only thing he “needs time” for is having both of you on a leash. You’ve known this guy for, like, three months, the whole time of which he’s been involved with another woman, and you’ve convinced yourself you’re in love with him? Really? Because he’s introduced you to some people in his life and given you a drawer in his home? Aim higher. This isn’t fucking love. Love doesn’t make you wait months while he pretends to be breaking up with someone else. Love doesn’t lie and cheat. Love doesn’t tell you that you’re complicating things for him with another woman. This was never love and he was never yours. There’s nothing else to do but MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.