It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss anorexic co-workers, elusive family, and oy, suicide.
Does this seem like enough to question whether my co-worker has anorexia? If so, what should be done about it? Like I said before, I don’t know her that well, although we do talk some. I don’t feel like I know her well enough to really bring it up seriously, but we also go to school together (this is a summer job we are both working together) and I could bring it up to school officials. I don’t know if that is butting in too much based on the evidence. What do you think? — Concerned Co-Worker
You said it best that you don’t know her well enough to bring up your suspicion that she’s anorexic. There could be a host of reasons — some of them health-related — for why you’ve never seen your co-worker eat anything, and you simply don’t know enough to assume she’s anorexic. Even if you did, without being a closer confidante, it really isn’t your place to try to help, especially when it doesn’t seem you would even know what sort of help to try to provide.
If being with a guy who, for two years, seems embarrassed to introduce you to his friends and family is the “happiest you’ve ever been,” you need to aim higher. At best, this guy wants only a casual relationship with you, so if you’re looking for a partner/ dad for your kid, it’s time to MOA ’cause this guy is not that and doesn’t want to be that.
I ended up telling her I was suicidal after she ended things, but to this day I’m curious what I could have done to handle things better. All the advice I’ve heard is that you should tell someone if you feel suicidal, and I know how close I came to making a big mistake. What should someone who wants to be good to the person they love do if they truly believe life would not be worth living without them? — Former Fiancé>
You should definitely tell someone when you feel suicidal, but not because you want to try to use the information to manipulate that person into giving you something you want. There are hotlines you can call when you need someone to talk to, and therapists you can reach out to to help you process whatever emotions and issues that are driving you to consider ending your life. If you want to be good to the person you love, seek help from a professional and reach out to people in your support network with whom you share a more stable relationship.