Today, we were supposed to get together for dinner. I have invited him to my place and I was going to cook. Well, at work, I started feeling under the weather and I texted him this. Later, after I got home I texted him again and told him I did not feel any better and that I needed to cancel our date. I apologized and told him we could make plans again this week when we both had time. Well, he got really bent out of shape and proceeded to say things like, “So do you randomly get sick this quickly often?” Or he’d say: “And I was really looking forward to you opening up to me tonight. I had something special planned…” He continued this behavior so I told him not to text me anymore tonight and that I would talk to him later when I felt better. I feel like I need to MOA based on his behavior tonight as well as the fact that he’s brought up a relationship with me a couple of times now knowing good and well that I’m not ready. What do you think? — Not Ready
First of all, can we all decide right here and right now to stop texting when we need to cancel plans — especially at the last minute — with someone? I’ve been guilty of this, too, and I am realizing now how rude that is and am going to make a conscious effort to stop. I know we’re all busy and everything and texting is super convenient and it has the added bonus of not having to listen to someone’s protestations or disappointment, but it’s not very civil. Let’s bring civility back in style and call people when we have to change plans on someone. Agreed?
Now, about Alan. Clearly, you two want different things. Obviously, this guy has some quirks. And obviously, you aren’t terribly fond of him. None of that even matters, though, really. You could think he was Mr. Amazing and if you weren’t ready for a relationship yet and he was, you still wouldn’t be a good match. And you aren’t ready for a relationship yet. And he is, as evidenced by how aggressively he is pursuing one with someone he barely knows (and doesn’t seem all that interested in getting to know). Yes, MOA. But do it kindly. And not in a text message. Call the guy and explain to him that it’s become apparent that you two want different things and it isn’t fair to either of you to keep spending time together when you are pursuing opposing objectives.
And in the future, if you want to avoid being “serious” with someone, maybe don’t spend every single day with him. Walk into the woods slowly so you can survey your surroundings before running blindly into a bear’s den.