I don’t know — eight months really isn’t that long when you factor in how little time you’ve actually spent with each other. You don’t explicitly say you’re long-distance, but you mention waiting up to seven weeks between “visits” to see each other, so I’m inferring that you do live some distance away and probably see each other on weekends, many of which are taken up with obligations to your respective kids. So, you’ve seen each other, what — maybe six or seven weekends in eights months? (I’m totally guessing here, based on the seven-week wait you once had between visits.) To me, that wouldn’t necessarily warrant a full introduction to major players in each other’s lives, particularly if you’re talking about youngish kids. (And, frankly, I’d take a dad’s word when he says that his 8 and 10-year-old children aren’t ready to meet their dad’s girlfriend of a few months.)
What it sounds like to me is that you’re wanting some reassurance that you’re on the same page — that this relationship is heading somewhere and it’s a place you both want to go. You can get that answer — or at least try to get that answer — without bringing your families into the question. Rather than framing the discussion around when Greg plans to introduce you to his kids and parents, you could ask him where he sees your relationship going. Does he even want a serious relationship? Maybe he’s perfectly content with a casual relationship in which you see each other one weekend a month or every other month, while raising kids as a single dad is taking up much of his time and energy. And maybe that’s not enough for you, which is fine, too. So, while eight months — or a handful or two of weekend visits — may not warrant meeting each other’s kids yet, I do think it’s enough time to discuss the state of the relationship, what you each want out of it, and where you see it going. From that, the topic of your families and when and how and whether to start integrating them into your relationship should develop naturally.
Oh, come on. This isn’t some new boyfriend. He’s someone you were with over a year and “missed like crazy.” Just tell him you’re really happy to be back together, you missed him, and you never stopped loving him. What do your friends think will happen if you say that? That he’ll evaporate into thin air? That you’ll start melting? That the karmic balance will shift in his favor and you’ll have seven years bad luck? I mean, what? Stop being silly and open up to the guy whom you say you’re say grateful to have back. This really isn’t a “confrontation.” It’s called communication, and if you can’t handle it in a serious relationship, you may not be quite ready for one.
Now, come to find out he is also addicted to cocaine. He keeps telling me he is going to stop that, too, but he still keeps messing with it. He and his family all do it together — his kids and wife. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He seems to lie constantly. He hangs out with his friends almost every day. I keep trying to end it, but I keep going back. Please help me know what to do. — Broken-Hearted
If someone were holding her hand over an open flame for over four years, complaining about how hot her hand was getting and how worried she was about burning it, what would your advice to her be? Wouldn’t you tell her to move her hand away from the flame?
Your boyfriend is the flame. It’s time to take your hand away and MOA. You’re getting burned.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].