We live together and I also have a 10-year-old daughter. Within the last year we have taken in his father who has dementia and is very nasty. I have taken care of him with no help from my boyfriend nor his two brothers. This man has come into the bedroom on a daily basis and made very rude and dirty remarks, even after being confronted. About a month ago he moved back home, but it didn’t work, so now he’s back at our house.
I will not live with him. My boyfriend says he’s not in his right mind and that I should not pay attention to him. I’m so upset. I love my boyfriend, but he basically is choosing his father over his child. He has two other brothers and one is power of attorney, but they don’t want him with them. What do I do? Please help me. I resent him for allowing this to happen to me. — Sick of Pills and Dementia
Move out, get a place of your own for you, your daughter, and your baby-to-be. Your relationship with your boyfriend, not to mention his relationship with himself and his addiction, is in a state of flux. Right now, you have to focus on being the best mom you can be and that means getting out of that house of cards and creating a more stable home life for the three of you. Speak to a lawyer about getting child support, and put that money toward securing a home of your own and raising your baby by yourself. If your boyfriend is already dumping the responsibility of caring for his dad on your shoulders, you better believe he’s going to expect you to do all the work in caring for the baby you share. So make what will be a difficult situation as tolerable as possible and GET OUT of that house you’re in as soon as you can.
Alert your family and friends — whatever support network you have in place — that you will need their help more than ever in the coming months. This is not the time to focus on your relationship — a relationship that, frankly, sounds pretty doomed. You’re with a man who is battling an addiction, can’t satisfy you sexually, doesn’t seem to respect you, leaves you feeling lonely and neglected, and takes advantage of you by dumping his demented dad on your shoulders to deal with. MOA. And use the time you’d ordinarily be worrying about him and focus on your kids instead.