Oh, come one. You’ve been together a few years, have multiple children, are planning to get married, and you didn’t know he was financially supporting this 8-year-old girl who isn’t even his?? Can you imagine what kind of future you would have with a man who keeps that kind of secret? Furthermore, if you are “planning” a future, and a marriage together, what’s the damn hold-up? You live together, you have multiple kids together… what are you waiting for? Obviously, there’s something keeping you from truly committing, there’s something keeping your baby daddy from being honest with you about financially supporting a child that isn’t is. Whatever that something is, it’s definitely enough for you to “take your kids and walk.” Actually, I’d run. And then go sue his ass for child support and make sure the money he’s been giving to that other kid goes to the ones who are biologically his instead.
What do you mean it doesn’t add up? Of course it does. Hooking up with you and getting you to pay her car payments and insurance was convenient for her until it wasn’t. In the days between your last hooking up and her saying she was dating someone new, she probably had a talk with the new guy about being exclusive. Maybe it even happened before your last hook-up and she wanted one last joyride for old time’s sake. New guy is probably going to be driving her car, or maybe she just doesn’t want new guy to know her ex-boyfriend still takes it for rides, which is why she told you you can’t drive it anymore. She asked you for money for insurance because: why not? That’s what scummy people do — they take advantage of suckers. Don’t be a sucker.
His sister did back off after we had a chat. I explained to her that they weren’t supportive. She never apologized and instead laughed and said, “We must have driven you crazy.” Shortly after, his mom told me how her son could never hurt anyone and how special he was. She knew he did something to hurt me and cause us to seek counseling. I still have anger towards him at times, but it is getting better. I am healing, but it is hard when there is added stress coming from other people. I don’t want to deal with them. — Done Dealing With Them
It sounds like telling nosy Mom and Sister that “he did something to you” probably wasn’t the best way for your husband to let them know you guys needed space. I would suggest that since they aren’t going to leave you alone until they know wtf is going on, your husband should tell them that he cheated on you, he was wrong, he’s trying very hard to work things out with you, and that their relentless phone calls and defense of how special and wonderful he is is not helping. He needs to tell them that it was his behavior that led to this need for space, not theirs (and not yours) and at this point they not only are driving you both crazy, but also they are putting his job at risk and delaying the healing of his marriage. He needs to tell them how often he can/will check in on them during this time and that, unless there is an emergency, they are not to contact him or you in the meantime so that you both can focus on your marriage. If they can’t respect that, continue blocking their calls.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.