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Unfortunately, I have noticed that I cannot get over the fact that he is way too skinny and also way too short for my liking. I dream of a future with a man with his personality, his mind, and his intellect, but in a different body. I am, however, attracted to him enough to desire and have sex with him, which confuses me. Well, I am most of the time, at least. On rare occasions, I almost feel like he is a school boy and I am a pedophile.
I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do in this situation. What should I do? — His Personality, Different Body, Please
MOA. What you’ve described isn’t love. You might love the way he makes you feel, sure, but you don’t love him. Love doesn’t care how tall someone is. Love doesn’t yearn for a different body, unless it’s to limit pain and illness or extend life. And love sure as shit never feels like a pedophile. Please break up with this guy and give him the freedom to find someone who can truly love him in the way you cannot. In time, you will mature, and whether or not you find your perfect man in the perfect package, you will hopefully learn that what someone looks like is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. When your needs are met and you feel like your best self with your partner and he understands you and you enjoy each other’s company and want to make one another feel good and you laugh louder with him and feel happier with him and feel your life is more worth living with him in it — THAT’S love, and, when you find it, the way it comes packaged just doesn’t that matter. You haven’t found it yet, so let this guy go and keep looking.
I’m 21 and my boyfriend, Paul, and I started dated nine months ago. His mom hated me from the very beginning. She would convince Paul that I am cheating on him and call me horrible names. It got worse when I was raped. She didn’t believe me and told the both of us that she was raped too. I felt like she was trying to just “one up” me. She told him I was lying and called me a “manipulative spoiled brat brainwashing slut who’s just using” him. THAT is rude.
On top of that, my boyfriend always defended her. On top of THAT, my boyfriend tells her about his sex life with me and when he is masturbating. That’s none of her goddamn business if you ask me. We finally talked things through and she grew to “like” me again. But every time I was around them both she would be all over him — flirting, touching, giggling, you name it. I didn’t mind that too much, but she really hypes it up around me.
I asked him when his birthday is and she told him not to tell me because I’d steal his identity. Ohhkay, then. She got high off his his seizure pills claiming she thought they were “her” prescription pills (my ass) to get his attention. I confronted him about that and he just told me that he had already gotten high with his mom before. He defended it by saying she had lupus and was too embarrassed to ask the doctor for a weed prescription for the pain, so he got his drug dealer to make them cookies. I told him that’s unfit of a parent to do and just weird. In pain? Go to a goddamn doctor bot not your son’s drug dealer. She also takes way more than the prescribed amount of codeine and acts all high so people — especially my boyfriend — will feel bad for her.
Every time I tell my boyfriend how I feel about her he tells me that I’m being immature for judging his mother and that he doesn’t appreciate me disrespecting her. We had a huge argument about it and I did not give up. I am right, after all!! Finally, he confronted his mother and he feels awful for having been so blind. But I still hate his mom and I feel almost jealous of her, for he loves her, too. What on earth do I do?!?! I want him to hate her! — Jealous of His Mom
Honestly, you sound just about as nuts as the mother, and, similar to the first letter today, I don’t sense any real love here in your relationship. Love doesn’t want hate between a mother and son. That’s just insane. You obviously can’t handle their (admittedly strange) relationship. Fine. Rather than try to break it up or turn your boyfriend against his mother, perhaps you should: 1) work on understanding the mom and forming a better relationship with her yourself so she doesn’t feel such a strong need to defend herself against you; 2) MOA, and find a guy who doesn’t have such a complicated mother and bizarre and complicated relationship with his mother. Really, if you’re having as many issues as you’ve described after only nine months together, you should probably just cut your losses and move on. You’re 21 — why waste your precious youth feeling so out of your mind over a guy who clearly has no boundaries with his overbearing mother?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.