He and I had been texting and communicating every day. We established a great platonic relationship but both agreed that we wanted more. With that being said,sexting was involved with adult memes and gifs but no nudes on either end.
Last week was particularly stressful for both of us. I had sent him a meme that said something like — PG13 version for you — we needed to “eff the stress away for each other.” A few minutes later his 8-year-old son responded with “is this for my dad?” and replied with this is (blank)! I was mortified and told him to give the phone to his dad. I immediately texted and apologized profusely!
What followed was my being immediately blocked from all social media platforms that we were friends on and I also believe his phone as well! I tried to text and call but have not heard anything from him!
I understand protecting his children and respect that. However, this is something that we had been doing daily and I had no idea he would allow his son to have access to his phone. He doesn’t even allow his children to look at his social media accounts because he is always posting adult content! I’m hurt, disappointed, and upset. We actually had plans to do many things by ourselves and with the children.
What are your thoughts? — Blocked for Sexting
I think that if you have to qualify the quality of your relationship with “we even met in person,” then it’s probably not the match made in heaven that you think it is. And a father of young kids posting nonstop adult content on his social media accounts should be a huge red flag for you, as should regular sexting with a phone that — of course — his kids can see. Parents often just have their phones out – on the coffee table, on the kitchen counter, in their hands — where their kids can easily see messages that pop up, to say nothing of handing one’s phone to his or her kids to take pictures, watch a video, look up something on Google. That you had “no idea” this guy would “allow his son to have access to his phone” strikes me as naive and like someone who has very little exposure to kids. It’s normal for kids to see their parents’ phones and to often look at them for one reason or another. I’ll give you a pass for not knowing this, but the guy you were sexting? He should know better!
All this is to say: You were naive and inexperienced, but the fault here is really with the dude. He shouldn’t be so careless about the behavior he engages in that his kids could be exposed to. And blocking you is just a super lazy way of dealing with the fall-out of his kid seeing your sext, and it suggests, as does much of the rest of his behavior, that he wasn’t all that interested in you or a relationship in the first place. You were a fun, sexy distraction and that’s it. As soon as you became even the slightest bit inconvenient, he dropped you – without even so much as a discussion about it.
Consider this a bullet dodged, and in the future, if you get involved with someone who has kids, it’s a red flag if the dude engages in frequent sexts with you, wants to introduce you to the kids right away, and posts lots of adult content on his social media accounts. In fact, consider it a red flag, regardless of whether or not a guy has children, if he’s posting adult content on his social media. That’s just tacky and the sign of someone who needs to grow the fuck up.
When I was driving home, I told my current boyfriend that I had dropped off my ex closer to home because I was late to pick-up, and my ex lost it. He told me I had to tell him before I did that stuff, and that I was being disrespectful and right now he didn’t know if he still wanted to be with me. Then he went on saying how I had feelings for my ex and that I still loved him when I don’t.
What I want to know is: Am I in the wrong? Was I being insensitive? I feel kind of hurt because I thought it was just being polite and co-parenting. — Just Being Polite
Nope, you weren’t wrong. Your boyfriend doesn’t understand or respect co-parenting. HE is the one being insensitive. Also, re-read your letter. You refer to your current boyfriend as your ex at one point (“I told my current boyfriend that I had dropped off my ex closer to home because I was late to pick-up and my ex lost it”). I think your subconscious is trying to tell you it’s time to let this man-child go. Your subconscious is right.
In the future, if someone you’re romantically involved with EVER demands you co-parent a certain way to accommodate his ego, his needs, his desire, and his jealousy, fucking RUN. That’s the sign of a controlling dickwad who will never, ever be a loving and supportive partner to you.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.