ART: Oh dear. Were these serious girlfriends? Does he often hang out with them alone? Does he talk about them all the time? And — oh God please say no — does he compare you to them? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then it’s probably really weird and you should be worried. But really: if you think it’s weird, then it’s weird. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, then don’t fuck around with the weirdos and dump his ass. But if you just like spending time with him and this is just something for fun, then ride it out until you’re done, and then dump his ass. And no matter what, don’t be friends with him after it’s over, because that’s just weird.
BITTER GAY MARK:In college, my first boyfriend quickly became my first ex, and soon after, my best friend. Our not-so-big break up was drama free — we were just two very different people. Oh, and the sex was just not that great. He would totally say the same by the way. (And often did!) Several of our latter boyfriends did fret about our close friendship. But they had little cause for concern. I mean, if Kirk and I had wanted to be together, we’d have STAYED together. I imagine this is often the case which brings me to you and your boyfriend. The fact that many of his former flames still enjoy his company is an excellent sign that he always treated them with respect. Even when they were going through a break up, which is often when people are at their very worst. This speaks very highly of your boyfriend. Until you have GOOD reason to be suspicious that any of his exes want more, I would simply take all of this in stride. Nothing impresses guys more than a cool and clear head — especially when it comes to dealing with ex-girlfriends.
DAVE: I think you should be worried, only because absolutely nothing good can come from it. If his intention is to have a long-term monogamous relationship with you, this is plain-out disrespectful. But, before I condemn him completely, let’s be fair. Maybe your boyfriend is a decent guy who just doesn’t want to burn his bridges, even though he has no intention of traveling those roads again. Maybe just before he met you, he had a string of light romances that all happened to end amicably. Maybe he thinks that by seeing his exes, you will grow more desirous for him and step up into the relationship. And while I’m at it, maybe he moonlights as a dentist and all of those exes live entirely on a diet of rock candy and Mountain Dew, requiring his frequent attention.
All I can tell you for sure is that if you prematurely accuse him of some infidelity, it says more about you than him. Focus on growing your relationship with him. As the new girlfriend, that is all you control. Later on, as your relationship becomes more serious, so should your commitment to defend it.
GREG: I’m friends with a few of my exes because while the romance died, our friendship and mutual respect remained. I’ve only ever gone back to my exes to hookup when I was in a dry spell or feeling lonely. Otherwise it is purely platonic and I just enjoy their company. So as long as your sex together is good, you’re in the clear.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at [email protected] with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.