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And now, the long answer: It’s the perfect exit strategy for a guy looking to pump-and-dump. If he wasn’t all that interested in you to begin with, but was just looking to get laid, saying that he lost respect for you is an easy way to get out of seeing you again. Either way, a guy just looking for sex can easily hedge his bets: If you have sex with him right away, he “loses respect for you”; if you don’t have sex with him right away, you’re just a “tease.”
The point is, if a guy really likes you, he’ll be excited that you actually want to have sex with him, even on the first date. But there is one caveat: If he does like you, but then somehow gets the impression that you always have sex on the first date, then he may indeed lose respect for you. So, my advice? If you’re gonna sleep with a guy on the first date, at least make him feel like he’s special. That is, unless you’re just looking to get laid. In that case, tell him that you lost respect for him for giving it up so easily, then kick him out of bed.
JMagic: A guy’s opinion of sex on the first date depends on if it actually happens or not. Sure, we may be willing participants, but part of that is because sex. feels. good. Simple as that. And not having to work hard at it aside from buying dinner, cracking a few jokes, and making the right ‘moves’ makes it feel that much better. However, no matter how good it feels, all respect that may have been there at the beginning of the night is more than likely gone. Why? Because we figure if it was that easy for us to take it to that level, then it’s probably just as easy for some other guy to take it to that level. So rather than get attached to you as a person, we generally just chalk it up to a ‘future booty call.’ Harsh, but true. Now, if you make us wait, as crude as that sounds, we’re more likely to take things more seriously and make notes about you that don’t include the words “booty” and/or “call”.
David Jay: If a woman sleeps with a guy on a first date, it leaves the impression that it didn’t really matter whether it was him or any other guy. She just wanted sex and she used him for it. Some (scummy) guys are all too willing to assist women in making this mistake. If you ever meet the guy who says “Whoa!.. we just met!” as you stand before him topless… he’s worth a second date, and probably a lot more than that.. if you didn’t scare him away already.
The invitation to come inside should never be more than just that, but if you are uncertain, use the earlier part of your date to lay down your ground rules about relationships. For instance, “I don’t sleep with anyone until we’ve dated for at least a month.” Believe it or not, this is a BIG RELIEF for guys because it whisks that 800-lb “sex” gorilla out of the room and he can focus on just getting to know you without the added pressure. (Stop laughing guys. No… really. Guys? Guys!?).
Joe: In general, if a guy is sexually attracted to you, he’ll be fine with sex on the first date. If a man finds something desirable, he’s going to be happiest if he gets it ASAP. This applies to cheeseburgers. This applies to NFL RedZone on cable. This applies to sex. That doesn’t mean he has to have sex on the first date – just that it’s rarely seen as a negative.
Will he lose respect for the woman if they have sex on the first date? No. Whatever level of respect he had for her before sex will likely be undiminished after (of course, it might have been low before). If a guy says he lost respect for a woman because she slept with him on the first date, he really had little respect for her in the first place and probably was simply dating her to see if he could sleep with her.
If a man asks you to go to somewhere private with him, yes, often, they would be interested in having sex with you. However, that doesn’t usually mean they expect sex – for example, I want to win the lottery, but I don’t expect to. You should never feel that you’re expected to have sex, and you can always say that you’d love to hang out but that you’re not interested in getting physical. Also, as a reminder, you should never go somewhere private with someone you don’t trust and without friends knowing where you’re going and how to reach you.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at [email protected] with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.