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JAREK: Friendfinder.com is not a dating site. I kid, I kid. You should be able to accurately predict your man’s behavior post-breakup based on how the relationship ended. Did he give you some clearly rehearsed, atypical speech pattern on how he needs to develop as a human and discover himself, sugared up with words obviously outside of his vocabulary? Then it’s likely he wanted to end the relationship for a while and consulted some unqualified source, such as the internet, for advice on how to do that.
If, on the other hand, he was not the one who ended the relationship, or it was ended on terms not within his control, then he likely won’t be able to move on so fast. We men, we hate being dumped. If he still created a profile online, then he is probably just looking to occupy his mind. Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one. The next one doesn’t need to be a winner, she just needs to be the next one. Time with someone else will distract you enough in the hopes of eventually getting over your last love. It’s not the best way to get over someone, but it sure seems to be the easiest, even if in the back of our minds we know we are just kidding ourselves.
ELIAS: Men tend to handle breakups differently from women. Crying with the boys over Ben & Jerry’s typically isn’t our style. Instead, most men will hide their emotions. What we show on the outside is typically not indicative for what we are really feeling. For some, moving on quickly is a way to cope, and, in a lot of ways, is what is expected of us. It can be way easier to deal with these hidden feelings by finding someone new rather than wallowing in what was left behind.
GREG: The reason men appear to move on so quickly from a relationship is because their concept of a breakup does not start when he says the words “We should see other people.” In his mind, he may have decided to end the relationship several weeks before actually saying the words — maybe because he was unsure how to broach the subject, or he was swamped with work and didn’t want the extra stress, but mostly it’s because breakups end in tears and crying women freak us out.
JOE: First of all, posting a profile on a dating site is nothing more than dipping one’s toes in the water. It says nothing at all about how he feels about the breakup except that he knows you’ve broken up. Second, anyone can be the one who moves on first – it’s not something men (or women) generally do faster. Some people feel they’re never/always the first to move on, but this says more about them and the types of relationships they enter than a given gender’s reaction to breakups.
That said, there’s a huge difference between moving on after a breakup and getting over someone. We don’t truly get over a person until the thought of them being emotionally and physically intimate with someone else doesn’t gnaw at our gut. But… we can accept that a relationship is over well before all the wounds have healed, and that certainly can include deciding to date again. In fact, people often start dating — even before they’re emotionally ready to do so — as a means to jumpstart the process of moving on, often with the hope that, by moving on, they’ll make it easier to get over someone.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at [email protected] with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.