Is there any way I can have a conversation with him to find out how he feels and what his intentions are without it turning into my asking for a serious relationship? I don’t even want that; I just want to know how he feels so I can decide if this is something worth pursuing. Thanks a million, — The ‘Feelings’ talk
Why is whether or not you’re interested in pursuing something with Greg entirely dependent on knowing what his feelings for you are? What about your feelings? What about the way Greg makes you feel? What about his actions? What about the things you DO know about him, about how he treats you, about what your relationship is like with him to help you figure out whether you want to pursue something with the guy? I mean, you know he does the absolute bare minimum to keep in touch with you while you’re apart for the summer, you know he came to town and didn’t even see you (actually cancelled on you twice), you know he doesn’t compliment you or express any feelings about/toward you, and you know that although he’s kind to others, it is a “completely different story” when it comes to you. WHY, WHY,WHY then are you even entertaining the thought of pursuing a relationship with him? I mean, yeah, OF COURSE you don’t want a serious relationship with this guy, but why do you want ANY relationship with him? Why are you even still talking to him?
I know you’re on summer break and won’t start classes again for a couple weeks at least, but I have some early homework for you: I want you to meditate on an idea a little bit every day. I want you to meditate on this idea, to close your eyes and think it to yourself for five, maybe ten minutes every day: “I deserve to be with someone who makes me feel good. I deserve to be with someone who enjoys my company and lets me know it, who treats me with respect and kindness, and who prioritizes spending time with me.”
You do deserve that. And you should want that. And if you do want that, you shouldn’t want to be with Greg because he does none of those things, and the way you feel with him is different than how you’d feel with someone who prioritized you. It doesn’t matter what Greg’s feelings for you are – though it’s obvious he doesn’t feel much — you should be feeling that this isn’t someone who is worthy of your time and attention. And he’s not. MOA.
Find a place that you can afford by yourself and present it as an option to Bruce for a place you both move into together. If he continues to reject the idea of moving (which he will), sign the lease by yourself, pack up your shit, and move on your own (the beauty of having no lease where you live now is that you can leave whenever you want with no penalty). The money you save in gas can go toward leasing a car for yourself instead of sharing one with Daddy Boy Bruce, and the time you save in commuting to and from work can be spent enjoying a home with full flooring (because it’s the little things…).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.