At that point, we were like ten months in. For two months after that he told me he was tired of leading me, that he didn’t want a relationship with me, and that he didn’t like how basically I moved myself into his place and overstayed my welcome. He then blocked my phone number, saying I called him too much throughout the day. He said we didn’t have to talk every day and spend every day together, but before that it had never been a problem. After two months, he was fine again, and we slowly started getting back together. I stopped myself from staying the night, but, though everything seemed good, I had a gut feeling something was wrong.
It turns out he had, in fact, been cheating on me. There was a girl that I thought maybe something had happened with, so I messaged her and asked if she had had anything with him in the past, and she told me to come over because she wanted to tell me face-to-face. I thought, okay, she is going to tell me about something that happened when he and I first started dating, but then she told me that they had slept together in early December, which broke my heart. Tony swears he was drunk and doesn’t remember it. He cried and apologized to me. I told him that if he wants me in his life, there will be a title or nothing. He told me he will not be pressured into a relationship that he isn’t ready for. I forgave him for cheating because, what can I say, we aren’t together. I can’t give up on him, but I don’t know what to do. I want to trust him, I want to believe he didn’t remember the cheating, and I want to believe he will never hurt me again, but he refuses to actually be with me.
P.S. We do go to family events together and his family loves me. — Loved By His Family
You can argue all you want that your age isn’t an issue, but I’ll tell you exactly why it is: Most women who are older and wiser than you are at 24 aren’t going to fall for all the bullshit lines and lies you have fallen for and continue to call for. If a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you because he was hurt five years ago, RUN. This is someone who is either using an excuse to avoid commitment with you — and thereby sleeping with whomever else he wants without getting in trouble because, oh well, you weren’t “actually together” — OR he has such deep unresolved issues that he’ll let an event that happened years ago in his life keep him from pursuing happiness. Either way, you’re not going to have a satisfying, healthy relationship with this guy. An older guy knows a younger woman who isn’t very wise yet is less likely to understand this important lesson, so he’s going to go for younger women whom he can manipulate into pseudo-relationships where he gets what he wants – sex, companionship, someone to wash his dirty clothes — without actually giving anything meaningful, like a commitment and love and respect, in return.
Second, only a woman who has under-developed self-esteem, which is far more common in younger women, would actually fight to be with a man who dumps her ass, blocks her number for months, cheats on her, and then arrogantly says he refuses to be pressured into a relationship he isn’t ready for. Going to family events with this guy doesn’t erase how horribly he treats you and how little respect and regard he has for you. He dumped you because you failed to tell him the clothes basket was full of dirty clothes that you were going to wash for him, and then he blocked your number for two months, AND YOU STILL WANT TO BE WITH HIM. If you can’t “give up” a guy who so obviously doesn’t want to be with you, who treats you like shit, and who cheats on you and lies to you and manipulates you, then I don’t know what to say to you except for the love of all that is still good in this world: please, please don’t get pregnant. Use multiple forms of birth control, and get regularly tested for STIs. You are absolutely not the only woman Tony is currently sleeping with, and you never will be as long as he continues to find women with low enough self-esteem to fall for his bullshit.
During all the court issues, we fell in love with each other. But when we went out for a date one day, he told me he has a sugar mommy. I was heartbroken, but he later told me he was going to work things out to be with me. Well, when his sugar mommy found out about us, she tried to kill herself. My boyfriend wants to be with me, but he’s afraid of his sugar mommy. She showers my boyfriend with lots of gifts. Now my boyfriend is breaking up with me to be with her. But I love him and am not ready to give up on him. Please, what should I do? — Not His Sugar Mommy
Everything I said to the LW above and this: you are not his girlfriend and never have been. He probably isn’t even fighting for custody of his child. He likely just told you that to get you to move in with him. Let me guess: After you moved in, you started cooking and cleaning and, generally, taking care of the house, right? You do his laundry and clean the toilets and make his dinner? You know how I know this? Because I’m not a naive, malleable 22-year-old desperate for love and affection like you are. A man like Rolando can sniff out women like you — women he can manipulate and cheat on and take advantage of. He’s doing it with his sugar mommy, too, who is probably a lot older than you and still falling for bullshit because she likely never had anyone in her life who told her she was worth more than this and deserved better than this, or if she did have, she didn’t love herself enough to believe it.
I hope you can find enough love for yourself to believe me when I say: You are worth more than this, you deserve better than this, and this is not how a happy relationship begins. And if you aren’t there yet – if you don’t have that love for yourself yet and you continue sleeping with this user, please, at the very, very least, use lots of protection, don’t get pregnant, and make sure you are getting regularly tested for STIs.
But really: you’re better than this!