“Alex” was my first real boyfriend, the first guy I ever slept with, and he means the world to me. We were both very emotional when we decided to end things because we were such a huge part of each other’s life and we were sorry to say goodbye. He emphasized that he would like to be friends in the future, and I certainly would like that as well. While I know it was right for us to break up and I don’t intend on getting back together, I miss him so much and feel so tempted to call him just to hear his voice and catch up. While it has been just over a week since the break up, this is the longest I’ve gone without speaking with him since we first met, and I feel such a void without him in my life.
My question to you is when do you think it would be appropriate to reach out to him? — Newly Single
In general, the best time to reach out to an ex to start fostering a post-relationship friendship is when you don’t feel tempted to call him just to hear his voice. Instead of letting temptation and raw emotion drive your behavior, wait until rational thought and balanced emotion frames the picture of you and your ex. Of course, how long that will take differs for every couple and depends on lots of factors. Maybe for you it will be a few weeks. Maybe it will take a few months. The best way to know that you’re ready for a friendship is when the thought of talking to him gives you a generally warm feeling rather than a lump in your throat or butterflies in your stomach or a small ache in your heart. When you begin thinking of him like any other close friend or person you’re fond of instead of the person you were last in love with is when you’re emotionally ready to give him a call to hear his voice and catch up.