“Six months into my engagement to this one nerd [DW contributor, Art Allen] who runs some comedy website and six months away from the wedding, I’ve realized something about planning a wedding that no one else has probably ever realized before: it’s kind of terrible.”
Here are six easy steps to hating your wedding, starting, of course, with:
1. Step 1: Tell People You’re Engaged
Because then they will have opinions. [Especially because] everything you’re doing is totally wrong, and they have a couple of wedding horror stories to prove it.
Keep reading “How to Hate Your Own Wedding in Six Easy Steps.”
Emily July 20, 2011, 12:10 pm
Thanks for the link (and fixing my typo)!
TheGirl July 20, 2011, 12:31 pm
The Knot is the WORST. They insinuate themselves into your daily life with all these emails about all these things you NEED to have for your wedding and how cute it would be if you did all these extra things. The thing is, you don’t actually need most of the things they say you need, and all those extras are just expensive crap that no one will really notice because they’ll be too drunk on the fancy ‘signature cocktail’ The Knot said you have to have. Which, by the way, will probably taste terrible because all the good cocktails are already have names.
SGMcG July 20, 2011, 12:52 pm
Totally AGREE! The Knot may be the ultimate in wedding porn – yet some of the things offered on their site seem just too generic for me. They overwhelm you with a whole bunch of details and make it seem like they’re absolutes that every wedding MUST have. The worst part about the Knot is that the “keeping up with the Joneses” tally then continues into other areas of married life – “The Nest” and “The Bump”.
EscapeHatch July 20, 2011, 1:35 pm
Argh… a ‘friend’ of mine is now a “Nestie.” Damn those sites and their cliqueish-reminders of High School.
Bethany July 20, 2011, 2:04 pm
Not only does their content suck, but the actual set up and function of the site sucks. If you’re going to show me a list called “Top 10 Crap you don’t need”, please just show it to me all on one page! Dont’ make me click through 10 pages that all take 10 minutes to load. I stopped looking long ago!
Megan July 20, 2011, 2:27 pm
I know! Not only does The Knot send me monthly reminders of how close my wedding is (I know, I’m aware, I have a lot to do, stop reminding me), but they send me emails with links to their articles, which all have outrageous and or expensive ideas. I stopped reading them for the most part, but I clicked on one the other day because I was bored at work and had read everything on dear wendy that day, and they suggested giving monogrammed glasses as favors/place cards. Who has the money for that?!
Lexington July 20, 2011, 3:06 pm
I’m using the Knot and Martha Stewart Weddings for my budget and a couple of pictures. For the rest of wedding planning stuff I’m going my own way and looking at GreenWeddingShoes.com every day and using Pinterest for all my ideas to slowly form a coherent whole. The Knot is all ridiculously expensive and cookie cutter.
Fancy Pants July 20, 2011, 4:19 pm
I have The Knot’s checklist for what to do until my wedding, and it’s helpful in someways (yeah, I probably wouldn’t have thought to find an officiant until a few weeks before…) but some of their suggestions are hilarious to me. “Hire a personal trainer” …. sure. That will happen.
Missy July 20, 2011, 10:20 pm
This is why Offbeat Bride wins. Definitely more so than the Knot.
MissD July 20, 2011, 12:36 pm
I agree-weddings are a consumerist spectacle, in my opinion. (At least the stereotypical modern wedding, that is. I just think it’s silly to spend so much money and stress out over so many ultimately unimportant details). I was all for having a destination wedding/honeymoon, then coming back and having a casual picnic/bbq style party to celebrate. We ended up having a fairly reasonably priced wedding…but I had to be talked into it, and if I get married again, I definitely want to go with my original idea. I’m all for spending that money on making lasting memories with my husband, as opposed to spending it throwing an expensive party that I mostly remember as a blur followed by a giant sigh of relief that it was over. I totally love the idea of being married, but weddings are stressful.
TheGirl July 20, 2011, 1:01 pm
That is exactly what I wanted to do! Unfortunately, my now husband did not take my advice and wait until we were financially capable of paying for everything ourselves. As my folks were paying, I felt obligated to give them some say in how it went down, so we ended up compromising with a 22 person evening wedding in my home town – no dancing, just a short ceremony and a super nice dinner. If we decide to renew our vows or something in 9 years, I’m totally doing it the way I wanted it. We’ll go to Hawaii and then have a big pig roast when we get back and invite all our friends.
Jena July 21, 2011, 10:45 am
lol at “weddings are a consumerist spectacle…i think it’s stilly to spend so much money and stress out” when you wanted a DESTINATION wedding…
followed by “if I get married again.”
how about we all collectively focus on the MARRIAGE instead of the party?
IcedVentiRedEyeGuy - in Chitown bay-bay! July 20, 2011, 12:13 pm
Engaged in December and #1 was my pet peeve because the next question that comes is, “Do you have a date?”
Upon being pried upon at a family gathering (by the annoying 3rd cousin of my fiance), I found myself blurting, “Hey, you’ll be the first to know when we set a date, okay? Till then, how about a beer?”
Everyone else got the hint to leave us the heck alone.
honeybeenicki July 20, 2011, 12:16 pm
I avoided telling people other than very close family and a few select friends until we had a date and venue for sure. It was kind of hard because we had an 18 month engagement and couldn’t guarantee a date at the venue until 12 months before the date, so it was 6 months of hiding my engagement ring when I went to family gatherings.
IcedVentiRedEyeGuy - in Chitown bay-bay! July 20, 2011, 12:22 pm
That sucks man.
Sucks that you couldn’t proclaim your love to the world, without feeling that kneading pressure to hurry. To marry. To spend unglodly sums of $ on one bloody day of fantasy versus being challenged and encouraged to ensure that the pillars that will make a successful marriage are there and will hold solid and are set to adapt to the whirlwind of a storm that this life brings.
Oy… [end of rant]
I still say, weddings are a sham. Marriage on the other hand… now, that is the blissful land I can’t wait to get to.
All the best, Nicki, as you move forth with your partner.
PFG-SCR July 20, 2011, 1:32 pm
“Marriage on the other hand… now, that is the blissful land I can’t wait to get to.”
Awww…that’s really sweet!! Good luck planning your wedding (from a fellow Chicagoan..suburbs, technically).
honeybeenicki July 20, 2011, 1:32 pm
I had it in my head that I wanted a “big” wedding (not all that big, but not eloping) and my mom kept telling me that she would pay for 3 tickets (her, me, my husband) anywhere in the world for me to get married. About a year into planning the wedding (when it got stressful), I wished I had taken her up on that offer. But I have a huge family that I wanted there with me, so I guess I don’t regret it.
melikeycheesecake July 20, 2011, 1:24 pm
The article is so true… especially the part about the guest list. My mother is making me invite ALL these people that I would rather replace with all our friends…
Weddings are so stressful! Do a destination wedding and have a party a week or 2 after you get back from your honeymoon!!! That’s my advice and it’s the advice I was giving when everyone found out I was engaged. But my man did not want a destination wedding… sigh.
Bethany July 20, 2011, 2:06 pm
But isn’t having the party essentially the exact same thing as having a wedding reception??? I was thinking about doing that, but then it seemed like the same amount of work to me in the long run….
TheGirl July 20, 2011, 3:03 pm
Its sort of the same, but you can go way more casual if you do it that way. The expectations at a party two weeks later are much lower than at a traditional wedding reception.
melikeycheesecake July 20, 2011, 3:15 pm
I agree TheGirl. One of my best friends did this scenario and granted when you plan any get – together / party it’s probably going to be somewhat stressful but NOTHING like planning a big wedding.
PFG-SCR July 20, 2011, 1:25 pm
I hope Emily decides to write a sequel to this article about the last six months before the wedding. I could give her a few hints on how it’s going to go, but then that’s playing into her first point.
Okay one hint…it’s only going to get more stressful. 🙂
Emily July 21, 2011, 9:23 am
Already planning on it; and I hear the same thing from other people!
Landygirl July 20, 2011, 1:44 pm
I’m getting married on October and I’m not even having a ceremony, just a reception and I’m still stressed. If people hadn’t already booked rooms and flights, I’d go to City Hall and be done with it.
Coughla July 20, 2011, 1:47 pm
Literally just before getting on DW, I was on the knot fretting over the size of my to do list, deleting the stupid items that I “must!!!!!!!!!” do and sending my fiance favor idea emails complete with spreadsheet breakdowns of cost per item, approximate number of items needed, total costs based on different combinations of favors and bags and links to each product. I swear that website freaks me out more than it helps. Thank goodness we are doing a destination wedding where the resort lines up everything for you, you just have to tell them what you want. And for those who are wondering about the spreadsheet comment, yes, I am an accountant 🙂
honeybeenicki July 20, 2011, 2:42 pm
I started planning my wedding using spreadsheets and even used them for somethings all the way through, but ultimately my wedding was planned via Microsoft Access.
missarissa July 20, 2011, 9:10 pm
(In a well-meaning, not at all obnoxious way) What are the point of favors? They seem to be expensive for the B&G and (i say this with mutual respect and again not obnoxiously) stupid and annoying for the guests. If you can’t eat it (like chocolate covered pretzels) and you can’t wear it (a lai in hawaii), no one wants or needs a key chain with the monogram of the b&g or matchbooks, or mints, etc. (I guess I’ll give it up for magnets, they go on the fridge). Otherwise, people (e.g. I) just throw them out. Am I missing something?
katie July 20, 2011, 11:21 pm
yea, its very true that “traditional” favors are really lame…. i think that just means you have to be super creative and do something new and interesting! and something that will actually be useful!
i have an idea to do my thank you notes, placecards, and favors in one. i want to get a box that I can put some chocolates in (im a pastry chef, so they will be my own chocolates) and then a little note to each guest. i probably wont end up having a registry or anything like that, i wont be expecting any presents (i wanna put on the invite not to bring any! lol), so it will just be a letter of how much i love the person, how it is so important to me that they came, ect, ect. hand written for each person.
what do you think about that one? if i do it, hopefully it will be a little cooler then the normal ones.
Red_Lady July 22, 2011, 12:18 am
That sounds very sweet and thoughtful! I just hope your guest list is on the small side, or that is going to be a LOT of work.
Lydia July 21, 2011, 6:43 am
When my cousin got married on Friday the 13th, she gave away little bags of black cat liquorice. I thought it was cute, and it must have been very inexpensive (living in the Netherlands, liquorice is pretty much ubiquitous).
Coughla July 21, 2011, 8:53 am
I agree that some favors can be lame so you have to get creative! We are doing a destination (tropical beach) wedding, so our favors will be things like travel size sunscreen, personalized coozies to keep drinks cool and an info sheet about the resort and surrounding area all in a beach tote. You’d be surprised how inexpensive these things are, too (hooray for google search!).
lemongrass July 21, 2011, 9:48 am
I just got married last sat. My mom made fudge for favors, and while it was delicious, I was worried that people wouldn’t open the boxes or just leave them on the table. All that work she did, it took her 3 weeks and I didn’t even ask her to do it! Well, at the end of the night they were ALL gone. Everyone either took them or ate them. It was one of the most common comments people said to me was that the fudge was awesome!
Bethany July 20, 2011, 2:28 pm
I’m getting married in a smidge over 2 months and am having a quasi-destination wedding. We looked into a traditional wedding, but looking at venues and stuff left me feeling physically sick (seriously). Instead, were’re getting married at a small Bed & Breakfast near the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse in the Outer Banks (North Carolina). Only close family and friends are invited. I’m not doing flowers (other than my boquet), I don’t really have colors, and the “Theme” of our wedding is that we’re getting married. I don’t want or need any of that other stuff. I want the day to be about us getting married, and I don’t need any of that other crap to take the attention away from that.
MsMisery July 20, 2011, 2:44 pm
Heh. The theme is “show up.”
Greebo July 20, 2011, 3:00 pm
Good for you! Funnily enough, my husband dropped me off at the salon to have my hair done and went on to the venue. My mom and bridesmaids showed up and a couple of them had their hair done (their choice, not mine). Then they went on to the venue. See the problem? Neither did they. But I didn’t have a car. The salon staff were horrified, but I couldn’t stop laughing. The wedding party forgot the bride! Fortunately, my photographer (wonderful woman, absolutely delightful) showed up and drove me. Just as I arrived, my mom and sister were realizing they’d abandoned me at the salon without wheels. I still giggle about that.
TheGirl July 20, 2011, 3:07 pm
THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME! Except they left me completely alone in the lobby of the four seasons, all decked out and feeling stupid with no ride.
Fancy Pants July 20, 2011, 4:25 pm
My theme is a little more complex – “Get drunk with me and eat an awesome cake.”
Painted_lady July 20, 2011, 6:46 pm
Oooh. I like that theme.
Chaotonic July 20, 2011, 3:29 pm
Cape Hatteras Lighthouse is such a gorgeous area!!!! There’s a really good winery around that area too 🙂
katie July 20, 2011, 11:22 pm
“the “Theme” of our wedding is that we’re getting married”
haha, love that.
Greebo July 20, 2011, 2:40 pm
I think a lot depends on your outlook. If you go into this with an attitude of entitlement or self absorption, you’re going to find the process a nightmare. I actually enjoyed most of the planning process and had a blast on the day of.
Rules to enjoy your engagement and wedding:
1. Hold onto (or develope) a sense of humor
2. Never use the expression “my day”. It’s about your fiancé, your family and his family too.
3. Don’t expect everyone else to be into your wedding like you are.
4. Good manners actually prohibit soliciting any parties–engagement parties, showers, bachelor(ette), etc.
5. Fix a budget and stick to it!!!
6. Consider other people, including their needs, comforts and wishes, but understand you can’t and won’t make everyone happy. (And ya know, most folks care more about comfortable seats, good food and fun than about flowers, lights and chair covers).
7. Be prepared to do all the legwork, research, coordinating and paying of vendors yourself.
8. Learn polite ways to refuse to be emotionally blackmailed, but when a request isn’t unduly burdensome and means a lot to someone, give some thought to being gracious about it. (As in, recognize and be grateful to your relatives, friends, whomever, who want an active role in this celebration.)
9. Maybe I was raised to be old-fashioned, but I was brought to believe that a party (and a wedding and reception is a party) is about the needs and comfort of your guests.
honeybeenicki July 20, 2011, 2:47 pm
You are absolutely right. Many people forget that the day isn’t just about the bride or even just the bride and groom. We went out of our way to make everyone comfortable and get special arrangements for a few people who needed them. And knowing a lot of kids were coming (something like 32 out of 135 guests), we made sure we had stuff for them – we had little favor bags with cheap crayons, bendy toys, pipe cleaners, and coloring pages we printed off. We also set up a few tables with dolls, legos, etc.
Greebo July 20, 2011, 2:55 pm
Can’t believe I forgot the most important one:
10. It’s one day. That’s all. A day. Not the biggest, most important, best day of your life. And when it’s all over, even if the tables don’t have pretty flowers, the DJ is late, the harpist doesn’t show, the pastor forgets your name and your bridesmaid and best man get drunk and make out in the limo–you still managed to get married. And accumulate a few stories that will hopefully get funnier with time.
It’s not about the wedding——-it’s about the marriage.
Red_Lady July 22, 2011, 12:23 am
9 is great! I just got engaged and have been reading a few wedding planning books. One thing I read that really stuck with me is that the reception is the first party you will throw as a married couple. And that’s all it is – just a great party for your family & friends. Definitely changed my perspective on this whole wedding-planning thing.
Lexington July 20, 2011, 3:04 pm
Guys, I just got engaged (and wow, does it make me feel like a grown up to say that… o.0 ). You are freaking me out.
Also, my fiancé refuses to elope. Um, it’s not my fault you were crazy and wild and none of your family believed you’d ever get married so they have to see it. I’m the one planning this damn thing!
Seriously, though, I should probably get on that.
Greebo July 20, 2011, 3:17 pm
See my comments above. You will be fine.
melikeycheesecake July 20, 2011, 3:18 pm
Yeah.. I’d get on that 🙂
Lexington July 20, 2011, 3:32 pm
Thanks! I’ve got a year, so I’m just taking it slowly for now, but I really should get started before summer ends because I can’t imagine trying to plan a wedding and go to school and work all at the same time. My wedding dress came in the other day though, so I’m excited 😀
Greebo July 20, 2011, 3:46 pm
We had the ceremony and reception at the same place, a country club. They also supplied the food and booze. Man, did that ever reduce the workload and costs! The place even had an on-site day-of coordinator. I don’t know your religious beliefs, but you might consider something like that if you’re already stressed.
Bethany July 20, 2011, 4:39 pm
Do as much as you can early on, so you’re not freaking out as it gets closer! I’ve found that if you’re not super into the details of it all it makes things a lot easier for you! Good luck!
LTC039 July 20, 2011, 2:11 pm
I am not married or engaged, but all this talk about the work that goes into a wedding makes me want to elope.
(& I think I’ve heard many people say that already)
MsMisery July 20, 2011, 2:43 pm
I am not even *in a relationship* let alone married or engaged, and all this gives me hives and an eyetwitch.
A drive-thru Vegas wedding officiated by Elvis Trooper never sounded so good…
LTC039 July 20, 2011, 2:46 pm
I’ve always dreamed of the traditional wedding all that…but honestly I don’t know anymore. From the letters here on DW to this article (& others) it’s does make me nervous! & extremely turned off by the idea all together.
I’m with you on that drive-thu wedding idea!
MsMisery July 20, 2011, 2:55 pm
I think I’m missing the bride gene or something. I’d probably get married in black, to Queensryche’s “Jet City Woman,” with my cat as the ring bearer. If at all….
Anna July 20, 2011, 4:03 pm
Is there some law stating you have to spend tons of money on your wedding, require expensive gifts from everyone, and be miserable throughout the entire process? My boyfriend and I have talked about our wedding (if it happens) and we’re on the same page: simple, inexpensive, and small. We will probably have a very small outdoor ceremony followed by a picnic-style outdoor reception with BBQ, homemade side dishes, and a keg of beer. I can see myself going dress-shopping like a month before it…at Dillard’s or JCPenney and buying a dress for $100 or less. Who seriously wants to begin their marriage broke and stressed out?
Megan July 20, 2011, 4:17 pm
I’m getting married in a little over a month and I have a dilemma- We invited a college friend of ours, a guy, and gave him a guest. Today, he asked if he could bring another guy friend of his we have met a couple times as his guest. I don’t know what to tell him! On one hand, I said guest so I guess I didn’t really specify a date, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to pay for this random guy friend to come drink at my wedding when the college friend will know plenty of people there! Help!
melikeycheesecake July 20, 2011, 4:21 pm
I would politely say that you think it’s best that his other friend not come. You may not be in my situation but the guest list is sooooo hard and our venue only allows for a certain amount of people… so in my situation I would HAVE to tell him we just don’t have enough room.
Megan July 20, 2011, 4:27 pm
well the problem is we gave him a guest, because we knew he wasn’t in a serious relationship but we thought he may be dating someone by the time the wedding came around. so technically, I guess this guy is like his “date” but not. oh and his logic is well i want to hang out with my ex-girlfriend, who is also invited, so I’ll just bring a guy friend. its like he doesn’t get the plus 1 is optional!
Jena July 21, 2011, 10:50 am
is there a chance this guy might be gay or bi? dont make it awkward. you gave him a plus 1, you can’t really take it back.
SpaceySteph July 20, 2011, 4:39 pm
Nope. You gave him a guest. Who he brings is his business. You can’t rescind his guest slot because he didn’t pick the guest you want him to bring.
I hate to sound bitchy but the fact that this is not obvious is troubling to me. If you did not have budget/room for the additional person, you should not have extended the +1 invite in the first place.
Bethany July 20, 2011, 4:43 pm
Totally agree! I think the only time you can “revoke” one’s guest privilege is if you find out that they plan on bringing your x-bf/gf as their date or something totally weird like that!
Megan July 20, 2011, 4:55 pm
I agree that I gave him a plus one, and I am going to let him bring the guest. I just think its weird for him to want to bring a friend that we barely know to our wedding, when I gave him the guest I was trying to accommodate any potential new relationship, not a night out with his friend.
SpaceySteph July 20, 2011, 5:19 pm
I do agree its rude for him to want to bring this buddy to take advantage of your food and drink and entertainment. But him being rude does not give you a pass to be rude back.
Also, I was a +1 for my boyfriend to his friend’s wedding only a couple months after we started dating… I had a great time, got to meet alot of his friends from back home that I probably wouldn’t have met for another year otherwise, and am really grateful for the invite. Though your friend chose to take advantage of your kindness, I think extending that invite for a possible new gf was a very sweet thing to do and commend you for it.
Congrats on your marriage, too!
Megan July 20, 2011, 7:46 pm
Thanks! You’re right, I guess I was just so shocked he was taking advantage of the guest spot for a moment I thought I might tell him no, but then I realized that would be rude. My fiance did tell him he could bring the friend, but that if he truly just wanted to spend the night hanging with the ex he his still close with, a date was not a requirement. Hilariously, he replied back that its too weird not to bring a guest. Personally, I think bringing a random guy friend as your guest is way weirder than showing up alone, but oh well.
He also hinted that his ex will be bringing a girl as her guest. So basically, they are both bringing someone of the same sex so they can hang out together.
When I wrote my first comment, I was really pissed they were taking advantage of us like that, but then, even the evil Knot told me I couldn’t tell him no. I guess I just thought it was so obvious a plus one to a wedding is a date that I couldn’t fathom anyone doing otherwise and I was taken aback and a little hurt my the rudeness, but I guess thats just how some people are.
I wouldn’t take back my choice to give everyone dates. Alot of weddings we have been to even cut girlfriends of some friends that aren’t as close to the core group, and I thought that was unfair and hurtful to those girls, and I didn’t want to make anyone feel like that.
Christy July 21, 2011, 9:32 pm
I was invited to a college friend’s wedding and brought my mom as my guest because my boyfriend couldn’t make the trip. Another guest brought a guy friend she wasn’t dating because she didn’t want to come alone.
It’s very weird to be a guest at a wedding alone, all the tables are in even numbers and everyone is coupled up. And then if you’re single, there’s a lot of push to meet someone during the reception! Weddings are just couple-oriented events, which I why I guess you would assume people would only bring a date. But isn’t the point of a plus-one so you can have someone close to you share in celebrating a friend? Don’t your guests have a right to define that in anyway they want?
Bethany July 20, 2011, 4:41 pm
You said “guest” and he’s bringing a guest. I don’t really see what the problem is. You were going to pay for a random person to come anyway, why should it matter who it is?
Hana July 20, 2011, 4:43 pm
I love this! Especially the registry one… I got engaged a little over 3 weeks ago (yay!!!!!! And thanks previous posters who said we sounded like a great couple!) and we have already chosen most things. Wedding sate, location, dress, decorations etc. We decided not to register and are saying in a nice way that if people want to give us something they can donate money towards our honeymoon/finances (we don’t have a lot of money and as of now are not taking a honeymoon because of that). People keep saying I have to register, its rude to ask for money, don’t just say nothing blah blah blah. I want to scream leave e the fuck alone! All those wedding etiquette rules are so stupid to me… most of them were made years ago when there was more an emphasis on big parties and social gatherings. this list is so true to me! I’m tired of planning already!
honeybeenicki July 20, 2011, 4:52 pm
I think they have websites where you can set up an account for people to “gift” you money toward the honeymoon. I’ve never seen them, but I’ve heard of them. While we did register, we mostly got cash and in the invites we included a little slip saying we were setting up donation bins to send care packages to military people stationed overseas.
Bethany July 20, 2011, 8:20 pm
That’s really sweet about the donation bins!
Jena July 21, 2011, 10:53 am
my cousin did that when he married his wife — theyd been living together for three years so didnt need house things, but they were going to thailand for their honeymoon. you could buy things like “hotel room – 1 night” or “ziplining trip” etc. It was neat!
Mrs. R July 20, 2011, 8:08 pm
My son and his wife requested $$ as their wedding gifts, if guests so chose for their wedding. In their wedding invitations, where it’s customary to include a card indicating where they registered, instead they included a wishing-well poem which we found online:
**To save you looking, shopping or buying.
Here is an idea, we hope you like trying.
Come to our wedding, to wish us both well.
And bring a wedding card, to throw in our wishing well.
Fill it with paper all colors will do, gold or silver are our favorite or a check will do.
Now that we have saved you, all of that fuss.
We hope you will come, and celebrate with us. **
Family and friends spread the word that they were saving towards a down payment to a house, and all of the guests happily complied with their request. They are moving into their new home in two months and everyone is so excited for them.
Good luck, and remember, make this wedding your own! (Oh and just Google Wishing Well Poems” for more selections 😉
amyb140 July 21, 2011, 4:11 pm
Oh please, please, please do not do this!!!! There is nothing, and I repeat NOTHING, more tacky and horrible than asking for gifts, even with a gag-inducing poem. And it is not “customary” to include registry information in an invitation. It’s rude. In fact, even registering in itself goes against very stringent rules of etiquette. As Miss Manners says, “your guests are not your personal shoppers.”
emjay July 20, 2011, 8:43 pm
My fiance and I were in the process of planning our wedding and both of us want the big day, the party reception (you know the hole 9’s) but we had to stop because we realized how expensive a NY wedding is. What w have is already a marriage. We have lived together from about 2 months into dating (I had to get out of the bad situation I was living in, and he was like, well I have the house so just move in with me. Because I could never had afforded even a studio apt here) we share everything from bank accounts and expenses to everything else under the sun. Hell we have even been told that our relationship is better than most of their marriages. But all we really want is the day to celebrate that what we feel is finally “offical”. It saddens us to know that we will probably never be able to afford to do it here….
A destination wedding is out of the picture because his family is older than mine and have A LOT of health problems. And I soooo do not want to do a Vegas wedding. So right now we are pretty stuck and don’t know if we will ever be able to Afford it. So for me it is like a catch 22. :'( but hopefully when the finances are better we will be able to do what we want. But I don’t need a piece of paper to tell us what we already have and neither does he, but it still would be nice to have our dream day.
ape_escape July 21, 2011, 7:59 pm
If you already have what functions like a healthy marriage, but are lacking financially, why don’t you just have a simple, intimate, elegant wedding? I know you probably want the “fantasy” wedding like in the movies…but if that’s not feasible right now, isn’t it overall more important to you to celebrate your relationship and your bond?
Depending on whether you want a religious ceremony or not…I think it would be lovely to just have a small civil ceremony in a park or somewhere (ahem, free) with family and friends. Get a gorgeous dress that makes you feel fantastic. And then, just sit down for a long dinner somewhere classy. Close friends and family only. Elegance/class doesn’t have to be expensive…
best of luck!
ape_escape July 21, 2011, 8:01 pm
OH! And then, throw a crazy expensive anniversary party in 10, 15, 20 years, whatever, with all the fixins, if you can afford it and still want all that stuff!
Missy July 20, 2011, 10:30 pm
I just got engaged in May and I wanted Elvis in Vegas…I am so not about planning a wedding. He agreed to Vegas but thought Elvis was too cheesy!! Shrug, whatever. We are getting married at the Welcome to Las Vegas sign instead followed by dinner at a restaurant. At least it’s all planned and mostly done, now we just to book our “vacation” details and pay for it. Easy.
I did the big wedding once (I had one of those cool “starter” marriages that imploded after a year) and I strongly encourage anyone not to go that route unless you really do want a lot of work.
katie July 20, 2011, 11:28 pm
i did a wedding cake for a bride who got married under the welcome to vegas sign to!! she said they got a whole package with a photographer, flowers, the whole thing for the weekend. i hope you got that to because it sounded wonderful! oh and she said to that if restaurants find out your getting married in vegas/just got married in vegas they will give you something special.
have tons of fun!!
Megan July 21, 2011, 12:40 pm
Ok potentially less controversial wedding related dilemma I have had this month. Our invitations have already gone out and that means some gifts and cards have been coming in. We have a guest who we haven’t met, its a great uncle of my fiance, his parents put him on the list. He sent us a sweet card and a check for $10. He’s very old and lives on his own and I thought it was a sweet gesture, because that is probably all he can give, and I certainly don’t expect or require gifts.
So what’s the problem? My fiance told his mother. Who is all up in arms saying it is insulting and terrible. As I opened my mouth to express my disagreement, she cut me off saying her friend told her she was being ridiculous and now she is angry at the friend. I didn’t want her to get mad at me, so I just said its really not a big deal. She wants to tell her cousin, the man’s daughter, because she thinks it will embarrass her. I think it will just make my mother in law look rude and possibly insult and entire section of the extended family.
I don’t think she has said anything yet, but I know nothing I say will stop her from doing it. I guess my plan is to just send a very nice, very gracious thank you note and hope that makes it understood the complaining is not coming from us!
Honestly, I will be so glad when all this is over and I am sitting on a beach in Jamaica with my new husband!
fallonthecity July 21, 2011, 1:55 pm
I think sending a gracious thank you letter is all you can do — but honestly, who peed in your MIL’s wheaties? I’m sorry she’s plotting to embarrass the cousin (and you!) that way!
ape_escape July 21, 2011, 8:04 pm
Yikes. Sounds like you’re going to have your work cut out for you, mother-in-law-wise. Yeeeeeeeeesh.