I recently visited a guy friend of mine, who has a tendency to be flirty. After hanging out and getting a few drinks, I missed the last train back to my city and decided to stay over in his guest room. To clarify – I have hung out alone with this guy on multiple occasions before, so it wasn’t totally crazy. I called my boyfriend before we went back to my friend’s house to let him know, and we said our typical “I love you’s” and good-nights.
Once at the friend’s house, we had another drink and ended up kissing, making out a little, and falling asleep together in the same bed. The whole time I felt terrible and kept stopping to tell him this was awful, I was awful, we couldn’t continue, etc. etc. At one point I cried. Despite my protestations, we kept kissing. He didn’t force me to; apparently I’m just the worst human. The next day I called my boyfriend and told him. BUT, I downplayed it terribly, telling him that I stopped him after a few minutes. I didn’t mention that we slept in the same bed – somehow that seemed worse than the physical contact.
My wonderful boyfriend was obviously and understandably incredibly hurt. I feel terrible, and never want to hang out alone with that friend again. We talked a lot and decided to move past it and chalk it up to the difficulties of distance (even though nothing like this has ever happened before). This is partly because the transgression was, to his knowledge, less serious that it was. Should I leave my confession as is in order to avoid more anger and hurt feelings, or tell him the whole story and risk losing him? I really don’t want to lose him, but I feel so guilty! — Long Distance Cheater
Yeah, feeling guilty sucks, doesn’t it? You know what else sucks? Thinking about how your long-distance girlfriend cheated on you with a friend of hers, cuddling up to him in his bed and making out with him all night long. You feel guilty and you should — it’s the price you pay for making a mistake. Why make your boyfriend feel worse than he already does because you can’t handle the price of your own mistake and think confessing more of your transgression — sharing more of the details — will alleviate your guilt?
Leave your confession as it is, don’t ever spend time alone with that particular guy friend again, apologize to your boyfriend, and live with the guilt you feel because you did something shitty and you’re not supposed to feel great after you do something shitty. And then accept that you made a mistake, you’re human, and, not only is the world not going to stop spinning, your relationship may survive just fine too.