I’m a 39 year-old woman and I broke up with my boyfriend of three months about two weeks ago. We broke up on bad terms; I had a hunch he was cheating because he suddenly, for no reason, hid everything on his Facebook page. I told him I didn’t trust him, and he basically said that we should just be friends. I was crushed and haven’t contacted him, but I knew he was still my friend on Facebook and would see my posts. So … I decided to invent a fake boyfriend. I created a fake Facebook identity, complete with fake friends and even a fake profile picture and then basically “friended” myself. Over the past week, the fake boyfriend posted things on my wall and asked me out on dates, all for the purpose of making my ex jealous! Then I changed my relationship status to “In a Relationship.” Well, my ex saw that and sent me a message saying if I was trying to hurt him, he didn’t really know me. Then he unfriended me.
I thought that if it looked like I had a boyfriend, it would seem like he didn’t mean that much to me. I wanted to hurt him, but now I feel even worse. I am totally ashamed that I would do something so petty and juvenile. How do I fix this situation? Should I just leave my ex alone and move on? Should I admit what I did and apologize? I’m really not a crazy person; I was just hurt and now I really regret behaving like a twelve year old! — Regretting Fake Facebook Status
Unfortunately, you can’t “fix” this situation. You can only learn from it and MOA, and move on is exactly what I hope you do. Dwelling on this or admitting to your ex what you did and apologizing will only make things worse. It’s not like he’s going to want you back after you tell him that you invented a fake boyfriend to make him jealous, and you’re only going to end up feeling more foolish than you already do.
The best that you can do now is accept that this three month relationship is over, and that whatever chance there may or may not have been to get back together is now long gone, and simply vow in the future to quit acting like a 12 year old. In fact, if you don’t trust yourself to behave like a grownup in the future, I’d even recommend deleting your Facebook account altogether. I’m not implying you should beat yourself up about your behavior, but if you’ve proven to be so impulsive — and, frankly, a little coo-coo — when it comes to social networking maybe eliminating some of the means by which you can embarrass yourself online would behoove you … at least until you feel a little more emotionally stable.
Finally — and this may go without saying — you could probably benefit from some therapy. This advice isn’t really unique to you; everyone could probably benefit from some therapy. In your case, you may want to work with a professional in addressing your impulse control — or lack thereof — and why, at 39, you’d give so much weight to such a short relationship. Getting guidance in unpacking some of your underlying issues will make you so much more ready for a committed relationship when the right person comes along.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.