Well, fast forward to present and he wants to move to my city in a few months! He thinks I have a 6-month-old baby (I claimed to have given birth last October and even sent fake pics), which of course I don’t! What should I do? I’ve been torn between telling him the truth that I was never pregnant and only trying to scare him away or telling him that I gave the baby over to his dad recently (he would never know). I’ve started to have feelings for Alex now that are stronger than just a FWB, which he mostly was since we started our “relationship” last June. What do I do? – Faked a Baby
Oh my. I mean, what if you actually told Alex that you gave your fake baby to the dad and you two proceeded with a relationship? You’d just… keep up the lie? Pretend you have a child out there you never see and have no relationship with at all? Most people might find that… odd. Alex would probably find that odd. Or, would you create a fake relationship with your fake baby? Maybe even have “phone calls with your ex” to check in on your baby and “visitation” with your fake baby every few months? I guess that could work for a while? But then, what if things get more serious with Alex — you have these strong feelings for him now, after all, and the feeling seems kind of mutual – and he wants to meet your baby? Would you borrow a baby from someone else? Ooh, I know! Maybe you could adopt a baby! It would have to be a baby who is currently six months old, of course. Or at least, looks six months old? Seems doable! I know lots of people are adopting pets right now with the pandemic and all so they have some company during quarantine. A baby is kind of like a pet. It’s great company and, in your case, would help cover your tracks in this lie you’ve gotten yourself all wound up in. Yeah, I think this could totally work out. What with the pandemic, there are probably a lot of babies who need homes right now. It shouldn’t be tooo hard to find one. And then just think of all the cute baby clothes you could buy – fun!
Ok, so, in closing: Definitely adopt a six-month-old baby, tell Alex you can’t wait to see him, and then enjoy the fruits of your labor in a totally fulfilling romantic relationship – a real FWB-turned-serious love story for the ages – AND the companionship of a little quarantine baby for yourself. Win-win. Oh, and I mean, I know you’re over your ex now and everything, but imagine when he finds out that you have a serious boyfriend AND a cute baby and you’re really happy – omg, the jealousy! Even when you’ve gotten over someone, it’s still pretty satisfying and exciting to create a little jealousy, you know what I mean?
I definitely think this is a super healthy scenario and will work out in the best way for everyone, but in case you aren’t quite ready to be a mom yet, you could probably just tell Alex the truth – that you have some very serious unresolved issues that you need to deal with — with the help of a therapist, preferably — and are not anywhere near emotionally available for a relationship with a cat, let alone an actual human adult, but you wish him the best, the end.
Also, P.S. I don’t really advise adopting a baby.
I moved an hour away from where my ex-husband lives with the promise that when our daughter starts school, I will move back to that city as it would be in the best interest of the kids for all of us to live near each other. The problem is that Hank hasn’t been willing to agree to this move. I have told him I will move without him because the kids and I need to be closer to my ex as this again is the best option for the kids. Also, my job is in this city and all my friends and family are there. Finally, he has reluctantly agreed to move. He doesn’t view this as best for the kids and he hates this city, but he would rather move with me than be without me, he states.
Now the problem is he makes comments that I am giving him no other options than to move and that he will not live directly in the city but will move to the outside of the city. As a compromise, I had agreed to live within a 20-minute drive of my ex. He also says that the timeline will not work because of his financial issues. I have no debt, but he does. He says he won’t be financially ready to move by the time I want him to, which is in two years when my daughter starts school. Even with two-years notice, he gets immature and defensive every time I mention moving. I’m wondering if I should just move on my own because he will end up resenting me and the kids or being miserable.
There are also a couple other red flags that haven’t come up recently but were within the first year when everything was changing and there was a lot to process. He stated he wished he hadn’t missed out on the single life (he went from a 4-year relationship with another girl to a relationship with me with only six months in between to be single) and that he had had more sexual partners. He also has very low self-esteem and gets jealous easily. He’s never physically abusive, but he drinks more than I like (three to four times a week) which is common for his family but uncommon for mine. He is involved with the kids but definitely not as much as their dad is. He will only get married if I change my name, which I won’t because I want the same name as the kids.
On a side note, I still consider my ex one of my best friends,and although we have had our moments especially at the beginning, he and I co-parent really well. We go for outings and practices together once a week and we always FaceTime the kids to say goodnight. I can’t wait to move back to this city as they all just feel like home to me.
I’m very torn and long distance isn’t an option. — I’m Torn
Yeah, I don’t see a long-term relationship with this man who hates where you want to live, isn’t financially stable, doesn’t want to marry you, and doesn’t seem to share lifestyle preferences with you as one that will work out. The fact that you list “is never physically abusive” as a positive trait suggests that it’s time you raise your standards a little bit. Nothing – literally nothing – about what you’ve described about this scenario sounds promising or like what a mother of two young children should be exposing them to.
Dump Hank, move back to the city where all your family and friends and kids and their other parent live, and continue fostering a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. Now more than ever, our children need as much stability and attention as we can give them. Living on the edge of the city with a man who is waving as many red flags as Hank is makes about as much sense as faking a pregnancy to get out of a FWB relationship you’re no longer into. There are far less destructive ways to live your life is what I’m saying.