Now we are still trying to move on from this, but he said that, if we continue to be together, he’s living selfishly since I am going to be a constant reminder to his sister. He is not mad at me, but I feel he has a lot of reservations now (which I understand).
What should I do? How can I help him to move on from this? He asks me to teach him how to feel since he’s just as lost as I am. I feel like this is the one I want to marry. But how can we make the situation better for everyone? — Sorry About the Affair
Two months is barely any time at all — it makes moving on a lot easier, which is what you should do, because this relationship will not last. To your boyfriend’s sister, you were, and always will be, the “other woman.” It doesn’t matter (to her) that you don’t remember much of it or that it meant nothing to you. I promise you SHE remembers, and it meant a lot more than nothing to her, and she won’t just get over seeing you with her brother. Your boyfriend knows this and, if he loves his sister at all, he won’t get serious with you, let alone marry you. Save yourself the agony and move on now.
I am looking for a loophole in this. What if God placed me right next to him for a reason? You’re saying that things cannot change? Even if time plays itself out? He loves his sister, that’s a fact. But he said he wants to just be selfish for once and do this for himself.
We want to marry each other, we’ve even looked at opening a business together, which we still want to do even after all this. But you think there’s no way this could work?
I don’t see this working out any better. In fact, I see it being much worse. You are not only actively disregarding your boyfriend’s sister’s feelings again, but you are putting yourself in direct connection with a man who exploited you and took advantage of you. If you were only 17 when you had the affair and he was a grown, married man, he might even be a criminal. Maybe the reason you blocked out the memories of the dark time you spent with this man isn’t because it meant nothing to you; maybe it’s because it really fucked you up. And you know what would fuck you up more? Making yourself part of his family! And investing time and energy into your boyfriend only to have the relationship implode because your boyfriend’s family won’t accept you. You had an affair with his sister’s husband. Families don’t really get over that. Sure, people can forgive, but that doesn’t mean his sister wants to have you sitting at her Thanksgiving table for the rest of her life.
It’s been two measly months. When the fog of lust lifts — and it will — your boyfriend’s going to want his family in his life. I just don’t see them being very involved when you’re in the picture, especially as much as you say you want to be.
You can pursue this, but I’m warning you it won’t end well. I’d cut your losses and MOA before this gets really messy.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].