I am still married to my second wife, and I love her as much as ever. She’s a wonderful woman who doesn’t deserve to be hurt. I’m completely honest with her and trying not to hurt her. I still love Silvia, with the same intensity and desire. It’s not something I can turn off. As I learn more about what her experiences have been, we draw closer together. We were simply made for one another. Even if she didn’t love me back, I would always love her. I would just express it in the sibling relationship terms. I never dreamed that she wanted me also. I never dreamed “WE” could be. And now it’s too late for anything but a moment. A memory. But we must fulfill our destiny. She finally said to me, “ I love you.” After 30 years of waiting, it’s the peace my soul needed. This is the truest of true love. What do you think, Wendy? — Terminal
I think that if hearing Sylvia tell you she loves you after thirty years of “waiting” – even though you never believed she’d love you back, and you never ever tried to pursue her when you were available, including after after her divorce and then after your divorce — if hearing her tell you she loves you is the peace your soul needed in your dying months, fine. Take the peace and be glad for it. But don’t pursue your “moment” or your “memory” now. Whose memory is your potential love affair with Sylvia going to be when you’re dead? It will be your wife’s who has loved you all these years and cared for you through your terminal illness and your years of being completely disabled. What about the peace her soul needs? What about the memories she deserves to help comfort her you when you’re gone?
Don’t let additional pain and grief be the legacy you leave. Let the peace you feel from Sylvia’s expressed love — in addition to the love and care you feel from your wife of all these years — be enough. Don’t give your wife more to process on top of her grief by having an affair in the very end. The narrative you’ve told yourself all this time hasn’t changed anyway: you still have no future with Sylvia. Please give your wife the time and attention you have left as the love you now feel from Sylvia brings you additional comfort in your final months.
Mitch shares a son with his wife, and I think deep down maybe they want to reconcile. I see no solid future with this man and know that if he can’t respect things in our relationship that I find disrespected, I should leave, right? — Mistress in San Francisco
Yes, if you don’t see a future with Mitch, and you find the lifestyle he’s led for years – even well before you started dating him — disrespectful to you and he has no interest in changing it, you should move on. You two have a difference in values and priorities, which is always enough reason to put on the brakes.