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Today’s essay comes from “His Take” contributor, Dennis Hong, who writes about relationships and other topics Musings on Life and Love.
The problem is his friends who were with us that night, and the BFF in particular, think my guy is insane to still be with me after I put him through that kind of humiliation. I admit it was bad, and I absolutely regret it, but I can’t change what happened. It wouldn’t be as bad if similar, less intense, situations hadn’t happened a couple other times as well. We’ve been together about three years and I’ve had hundreds of awesome nights with these guys, but now they only care about the couple bad ones. Is it possible to win his buddies back over or am I doomed to carry this mistake around the rest of our relationship? — Queen of social disasters
First off, since it takes two people to get into a fight, I’m thinking both you and your boyfriend could work on your anger management skills, or at least learn about this new-fangled concept called civil discourse. I’m glad you came to an agreement about this particular issue, but I have a feeling these nasty fights are likely to happen again, given the pattern you’ve established. Before you even start worrying about his friends, you two need to come to a firm agreement that you will not show up anywhere in public before you’ve settled all your pending arguments. Unless you’re in junior high school, there is absolutely no excuse for airing your shit out in front of everyone like that. Actually … I retract that. Most seventh-graders I know behave with more maturity than the two of you. And they can at least blame it on puberty, which I’m assuming both of you are well past.
Seriously, vow to sequester yourselves until you finish an argument if you have to. Or vow not to drink within seven days of a nasty fight, since alcohol and civility clearly don’t mix for either of you. Whatever you decide, figure something out now, because much like forests, it’s way easier to prevent the fire than to have to deal with the raging inferno and its smoldering aftermath.
Now, let’s talk about the matter of you kneeing your boyfriend in the bits. I don’t think words can properly describe my reaction to this part of your letter, so I’m going to let this little guy stand in for me:
While you might argue that it also takes two people to get kneed in the groin (one to provide the knee, and one to provide the groin), I can’t for the life of me figure out how an argument could have devolved to this. Since you didn’t give any details about what he said to instigate the knee, and since you’re taking responsibility here, I’m going to assume he did nothing to warrant it, and that it was simply a, ahem, knee-jerk reaction on your part. If that’s the case, you have a pretty steep hill to climb with his buddies. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of his BFF ever forgiving you, but you’re probably going to have to do some serious groveling. I’d suggest that you approach him privately (sober) and explain that, yes, you and your boyfriend have gotten into nasty fights in the past, but you really do care about each other. Tell him that you feel horrible about what you did, and that you hope someday he can forgive you, as your boyfriend has. That’s pretty much all you can ask for. And if all else fails, offer to let the BFF punch you in the ovary as payback.
No, just kidding. Don’t do that. I just wish you could know the agony, both physical and psychological, that is a kick to the groin for a guy. Seriously, my own balls died a little on the inside as I was reading this.
Dennis Hong is a teacher of juvenile delinquents, freelance comedy writer, group blog overlord, and internet entrepreneur. His personal mantra is: “Always stay positive in life (except when taking a drug or STD test)!” You can read more of his musings on life and love here.