Always I am being compared with other people and he always says I should remember I am not the kids’ friend, but I am their mother. He’s married and he compares me to his wife and sometimes even talks about me to his wife. — Tired of Being Compared
Wow, way to bury the lede there. Yeah, I think any time a man constantly compares you to his mother and to HIS WIFE, WHOM HE’S MARRIED TO, that the correct answer is always, always: MOA.
I know where he lives and have done a little investigation on my own. He has a male roommate who lives with him during the week who works here in the city but goes home on the weekend. He told me this information (about having a roommate) and I was thinking it was a woman, but it’s not. He always comes to my place or we go out. I have not met his family because they are out of town. Nothing has changed in the nearly eight months we’ve been in a relationship, and now his daughter is getting married this weekend and he has not invited me to go. I know he said he wants to take it slow, but what is this? Am I spinning my wheels here? Should I give it more time? — Spinning my Wheels
Jack is lying to you. At the VERY least he’s lying to you about why he wants to “take it slow.” It’s not so he can “get to know you.” If he wanted to get to know you, he’d be more interested in spending quality time with you and increasingly sharing more of his life with you and wanting you to do the same. It’s not that he wants to “take it slow,” it’s that he wants to keep you at a distance and, whatever the reason for that is, it’s not good.
I’m curious if you ever press him to share more with you – to show you his home, to introduce you to his people, to take you to his daughter’s wedding – and what his response is if you do. I suspect you don’t press him very much and that’s why he stays with you. I suspect if you did press him more, he’d give you lots of lame excuses – like “the last girlfriend never came back” – until you either dumped him or the effort to bullshit you overshadowed whatever benefit he gets from his time with you, at which point he’d probably ghost you. Honestly, I’d move on at this point and tell him that, after eight months of exclusivity, you’d expect to be more integrated into his life — or integrated into his life at all — and that you just don’t see a future with him and are going to move on.