About a year into our relationship, I realized that I had never seen him ejaculate before, so one night during sex I asked him about it and he was very nervous. I can’t even remember what he initially told me, but we weren’t using protection and I should have been pregnant; it wasn’t making any sense. Days later, he finally told me that he had noticed this issue himself two years earlier and had taken some pill for it at the time and everything was fine so he wasn’t worried and I definitely shouldn’t be worried either. But I was. He asked me if I would leave him should he not be able to have children and I told him no, because I wasn’t dying for kids and didn’t think we’d be together that long anyway.
I left it alone for about two years, and during that time he went to several doctors who weren’t able to help. By this point, I had watched many of my close friends give birth. My family and I had to endure dealing with his kids when they would come to visit. I was 24 and really wanted to have a baby; I started to complain and started to be jealous of any woman who had kids. All the doctors we went to were shocked and started saying that maybe he needs to see a specialist, but he insisted all he needed was some pill he had taken years before. He finally got the pill and still nothing. He then started looking online for cures to what we recently found out was retrograde ejaculation, but the Internet wasn’t very hopeful. My boyfriend found a list of pills and medications used by some men and tracked them all down and tried them all and still nothing.
By this point, I begged him to just accept the fact and thank God he had at least fathered two children before this. I made it clear that having kids was VERY important to me and that I didn’t want to waste my time in a situation where I’d never get any, but he insisted he would never let me go and would do anything to give me a child. Late last year, he told me he had found a cure, noticed it the other night and swore by Christmas I would be pregnant. Well, Christmas came and went, then my birthday, then Mother’s Day, and then another summer, and still nothing.
Currently, most people assume I am barren, since everyone knows he has two kids who are now in high school. Other women make fun of me because I haven’t given birth before — where I’m from, it’s extremely rare to not have kids by my age — and my own mother is becoming increasingly concerned for me because she thinks I am unable to carry a child. It kills me because I can’t talk about it to anyone. I hate Mother’s Day, I hate back-to-school time, I do not attend my friends children’s parties and I hate being asked if I have any kids. I wish I had never gotten those abortions and, quite frankly, I think I am going a little bit crazy.
I love my boyfriend, but I am realizing that I have to leave him. I resent him every day for taking these precious years from me. I feel he is solely responsible for my current unhappiness. I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter since I have answered my own question a million times in my head, but, still, I really need to get an opinion from an outside neutral source. — Ready for a Baby
Yep, time to MOA. I’m not sure why you even need another opinion. You sound miserable, resentful, and bitter. I don’t sense any love between you and your boyfriend. Furthermore, if there are seriously women in your life who make fun of you for not having had a baby (at the ripe old age of 26!), you really need to surround yourself with better people. And start taking responsibility for your decisions! You blame your boyfriend for “taking these precious years” from you as if he you had zero active role in your own life. You chose to be with him (for six years!). You also chose to move in with him immediately after meeting him and to not use protection during sex despite having already had not one, but TWO, abortions and despite feeling like you and he weren’t going to be together very long, anyway. Honestly, your judgement across the board is pretty whack, and you might want to count your blessings that you have time now to get your shit together before being responsible for a small, completely dependent child.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.