By now, Prince William and (Duchess?) Kate have tied the knot … in front of approximately 15 billion people, give or take. At the moment, they are enjoying a reception of highest quality and soon after, they’ll will ride off into the sunset for their happily ever, every moment of which will no doubt be documented by international media for the rest of their lives. Fun!
Since the royal couple will have to deal with the sort of scrutiny most of us can’t begin to imagine, I thought I’d give them some advice on something I can imagine: the first year of marriage. Perhaps if they can get a leg-up on the first year of matrimony, they’ll have the energy to spare for other pressing matters, like hosting high tea for Elton John and making upcoming fashion designers overnight sensations and whatever else it is that royals do.
So, to Prince William and Kate, I present 15 tips for making the very most of your first year of marriage:
1. Share the task of writing thank you notes for your wedding gifts, and since your tolerance for anything wedding-related will quickly wane after the big day, write them while you still have a modicum of enthusiasm.
2. For the same reason as above, get your wedding albums created right away. Frame your photos. Send your favorites to your loves ones. Something tells me, this won’t be as big an issue for you as it was for me, but the advice warrants a mention anyway.
3. Make a big celebration out of your 6-month wedding anniversary; your first year of marriage is the only time you can!
4. Laugh as much as you can.
5. Eat more cake. Cake’s good.
6. Go on a date together at least once a week.
7. Spend time with your friends (without each other).
8. Start some family traditions that belong to just the two of you.
9. Spend equal time with each other’s families.
10. Don’t let yourselves go. Kate, let’s face it: you’re a bit too skinny right now. Now that the stress of the wedding is over, you can afford to gain a stone — see what I did there? — but don’t do what I did in my first year of marriage and quit your workouts and fill up on bon-bons and champagne now that you’ve snared your prince. William, ditto for you. Bald and fat isn’t a good look for royalty.
11. Sometimes, when it’s late at night in the palace and you’re sort of bored, put on fancy hats and relive your wedding day by doing the chicken dance in your underwear.
12. Take a lot of pictures.
13. Spend most of your Sundays in bed.
14. If the Queen asks when you’re going to have a baby, tell her to mind her own beeswax. Unless you really want a baby right away, take the first year to enjoy simply being married. You’ve just survived an incredible amount of stress pulling off the wedding of the century, so give yourselves a little time to relax before taking on another enormous stressor.
15. Call if you’re going to be late.