Last night on “The Bachelor,” Brad Womack, the earnest mush-mouth from Texas, narrowed his selection of bachelorettes down to four, eliminating both Britt (we hardly knew ya), and Crazy-Eyes Michelle, who, after being sent packing (barefoot, natch) from the beautiful island of Anguilla, didn’t cry and didn’t release a stream of profanity-laced choice words, but simply laid her head on the seat of the limo and stared off into the distance, perhaps pondering at what point, exactly, Brad wiggled free from her web. Sadly, this means that we, the viewers, will not get to see Brad interacting with Michelle’s daughter — or, better yet, Michelle interacting with Michelle’s daughter — on next week’s episode when Brad makes visits to each of his remaining ladies’ hometowns. What we will get to see instead is Brad interacting with single mom Emily’s little girl, as well as the families of Ashley, Chantal, and Shawntel. And then! As we all know, the following week, Brad will bring three of those lucky ladies (my bet’s on Emily, Ashley and Chantal) on exotic overnight dates where they will be given the choice to stay with him in a “fantasy suite,” which is a “Bachelor” euphemism for “boink all night.” So, the question is: should these ladies boink the bachelor?
Now, I’m no prude, but let’s put it this way: if a woman sent me a letter asking if she should boink a guy who was also seeing — and probably boning — at least two other women on the side and planning intimate, exotic vacations will all three of them (within days of each other), I’d be all, WTF? If she said that as recently as the week before she’d told him that she loved him and then watched as he rolled around on the beach with a different woman, I’d be like, “Girlll, you need to MOA.” For real. And if she replied, “But I love him!! You should see his chest! And! He makes me feel so safe in his arms.” I’d tell her that a seat belt can make her feel safe, too, and won’t give her gonorrhea.
But, if she’s a contestant on “The Bachelor,” she won’t listen to me. She’ll take off her bikini top on camera in hopes of winning Brad’s affections, and she’ll tell him she loves him after only two dates, and she’ll hop into bed with him the first chance she gets, and she’ll (most likely) stand at some floral-scented podium overlooking the sea, dressed in a rhinestone-studded, off-the-rack gown from Bloomingdales, as Brad dumps her for another woman, sending her to a limo where she’ll have an immediate meltdown and sob into the camera: “I thought this was finally it. I thought I finally found my prince. But this is the story of my life. I’m always second best. Always.”
But, who knows. Maybe she’ll be asked to be the bachelorette next season. And maybe there will be another guy like Roberto, who won Ali’s heart last season, and in the end, she’ll be better off, because she’ll get the hot guy and she’ll extend her fifteen minutes of fame. But still. If any of the ladies asked if they should boink the bachelor, I’d say “No.” Do not boink Bachelor Brad. Have some self-respect. Save it for when you’re the final choice. Let him work for you a little. And for the love of God, make sure he’s tested first. Who knows what Crazy Eyes Michelle passed on to him during their romp on the beach.
callmehobo February 15, 2011, 12:09 pm
THANK YOU. I have never, ever understood the rationale behind this series; I’m glad someone else finds it weird, too!
PS- The seatbelt comment made my morning!
ReginaRey February 15, 2011, 1:03 pm
I totally agree with you, Wendy! I think it’s beyond sketchy that these women are more than eager to do any number of desperate things for a guy they barely know…including sleeping with them in the fantasy suite! If your skills in bed are what’s going to tip the scale in your favor with a dude, as opposed to your winning personality or intelligence, I’d definitely say MOA!
WatersEdge February 15, 2011, 1:15 pm
the whole concept behind that show is so disgusting to me…
silvii February 15, 2011, 1:50 pm
No they shouldn’t. I really wish they could hold off on the kissing too and just wait till he’s actually picked someone. So many factors I can’t get my head round – I know it’s a show and it’s meant to entertain and get high ratings but this is not real dating! The ladies are too quick to stake a claim on this guy – already professing their “love” for him as if to up their game and keep him interested, as if they didn’t, then he’d be doubting their interest in him.
The kissing and sleeping with someone may seem so easy to do but it’s afterwards that has it’s consequences. The ones that get rejected are the ones that will suffer bruising to their emotions and their ego. If the ladies just held back from the intimacy (which I know isn’t possible for this show) then they wouldn’t be weeping on the rejection interview.
ArtsyGirl February 15, 2011, 2:11 pm
I am always blown away by these women. A lot of them are professional, intelligent human beings that are obviously suffering from Disney Princess syndrome. They convince themselves that they are in love to justify their chasing after a guy in such a ludicrous situation. Also there a so many YOUNG woman in the group (under 25). How do they know that they are never going to find love if they don’t catch this guy?
I just remember Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire which was a glorified beauty contest – and then they revealed the bachelor who was a creaper (not worth a million dollars) and had a police record. Since then I have never tuned into any of the Bachelor, Bachelorette, etc shows. Though I do admit to loving Millionaire Matchmaker.
bitter gay mark February 15, 2011, 3:22 pm
The Bachelor…. Never before has a show so effectively made your ENTIRE sex look needy, desperate, and just utterly pathetic. Not only are the contestants all just DESPERATE for a man —- they sure all do come across that way… But then you have the MILLIONS upon MILLIONS who tune in week after week, year after year, and buy magazine cover after magazine cover…
Seriously, the success of The Bachelor truly astounds me… More than that, it depresses me.
As far as the fantasy suite…. I suppose, sure, why not? They have all chosen to reveal themselves to be beyond desperate … Might as well be sluts, too, I guess. (Besides, how will ANY man ever take any of them seriously ever again after seeing what vapid fools there were on TV…?) Plus, they will all look so pretty and so tragic as their mascara runs while they blubber on and on to the camera (of course!) about their “GREAT LOVE” for this vaguely attractive cipher that they all seem willing to do just about anything for. “It’s so hard, knowing I have to share…wahhhhhhh!”
Sorry, I know I am on a rant today. But this show is just so vile and icky. The women on it truly deserve it — and more. That said, it’s tragic that it reveals that so many MILLIONS of women are still hung up on the Lame-ass Princess Bullshit that society crams down little girls throats… I can’t believe women actually participate in degrading themselves this way by watching this. I just can’t. That’s the most tragic and disheartening aspect of it. That they all do it to themselves… So willingly. That so many sell themselves so short, that THIS passes for entertainment… Gag. Barf. Vomit.
Wendy February 15, 2011, 3:29 pm
Eh, you’re reading a little too much into it. Women who watch it aren’t degrading themselves and they aren’t hung up on “lame-ass princess bullshit.” At least, I’m not. And I watch the show. Sue me, I think it’s vaguely entertaining. But I also like plenty of entertainment that’s much, much more high-brow, too. Nothing wrong with a little mindless drivel once a week, as long as it isn’t an obsession and it’s only a tiny part of your entertainment menu.
Maracuya February 16, 2011, 12:30 am
Honestly, when I watched it, I watched it for the trainwreck moments. I don’t know anyone who watches the Bachelor and says, “Now THAT is true romance!”
But that doesn’t mean America doesn’t love schadenfreude!
bitter gay mark February 15, 2011, 3:40 pm
I could be. I have a thing against REALITY TV in general as it has decimated Hollywood and put so many people out of work…. REAL actors. REAL writers… It’s so cheap to produce that it has all but KILLED sit-coms and hour long dramas.
Still, I do think that it is a horrible thing to put on the air and often wonder just how many mom watch with their young daughters because it’s all so entertaining… It can’t help but have some sort of impact….
elisabeth February 15, 2011, 4:19 pm
Hear, hear. Sex is not the ultimate teller of compatibility. And when it’s happening with different people three nights in a row, how are you supposed to separate that conglomeration of feelings?
I remember really liking Ali’s season. Why? She didn’t throw herself at all the guys. She didn’t steer her loveboat using only her emotions as her guide. Instead, she was thoughtful, methodical, and understood that emotions were only one piece in the puzzle of who might be right for her.
Brad? It’s like you can see the gears turn and then get jammed when he tries to converse. So he’s running on emotions and juice from his therapist. And yet, I still tune in every week to watch the show. Funny how that works.
sobriquet February 16, 2011, 2:02 pm
I think Brad has already decided that he wants to pick Emily at the end so he’ll look like a hero and clear up his bad guy rep. Hopefully Emily will realize Brad is a tool and MOA before he can even propose.
Shawntel is my favorite, though. She doesn’t seem to be taking this too seriously. She’s also gorgeous without trying too hard and seems to have a great personality. Maybe she’ll come back for ‘The Bachelorette’.
I hope Ashley or Chantal wins, because I dislike both of them. They seem to simply want to be in love and get married, regardless of who it’s with.
This is my guilty pleasure show, if it isn’t obvious.
Anna July 26, 2011, 5:29 pm
Love all the prudish old women commenting. I guess you know your target audience.
Should you sleep with someone before you marry them? Yes. Yes you should given you are of legal age (there is a reason for the age restriction). Why wouldn’t you find out if you were sexually compatible before you agreed to spend the rest of your life with them?Would you not speak to someone before you married them? No. You would want to know if you were intellectually compatible with that person.
And what a vicious cycle the no premarital sex taboo has created – step 1) daughter is taught no sex before marriage. Step 2) daughter becomes a wife. Step 3) wife has dissatisfacting sex life with husband. Step 4) does not comprehend how good sex can be, and how important it is to a relationship. Repeat.
Lala July 31, 2011, 10:13 pm
Whoa, Anna. Chill out a minute. Being grossed out by serial sleepovers, one night after the next does not make someone a prudish old woman. I don’t hear people saying anything against pre-marital sex. It’s the use of sex to get what you want, and the idea of the bachelor or bachelorette sleeping with three candidates in a row that makes it a little creepy. It seems like you are bringing an agenda to this discussion that doesn’t really apply to the comments posed. As for the the prudish old woman part, all of us older women were once younger women. Your generation did not invent good sex or pre-marital sex. Just sayin’.
the lone bro February 21, 2012, 12:24 am
from a 19 year old guys perspective the bachelor is a fantasy scenario. Where else can you date, screw, whatever so many women at the same time; Nowhere. watch for me on the bachelor in the future.
Tracy February 28, 2012, 8:56 am
Marriage shouldn’t be based of off “sex”. It should be based off of, trust, love, communication, companionship etc…All will fall into place when you find the man that meets all your qualities.If you have to “screw” the guy to know if he’s the one for you, good luck on a successful marriage!
Old Uncle Dave March 6, 2012, 1:07 am
This show is supposed to end with a marriage proposal, yes? Who would want to marry someone without knowing if they were sexually compatible? But it’s all for the show. Reality shows are only slightly more real than soap operas.