It’s been awhile since I did an “If They Asked” column but if there was any story to resurrect the column, it’s this one: Tea Leoni and David Duchonvy have announced they’re splitting up (again). For the second time in three years, the couple has decided to spend some quality time apart, though they haven’t yet decided to divorce. This is where my advice comes in; if they asked — well, really, if she asked — I’d have to say — nay, implore Tea: don’t divorce David!!
Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s a cheat and a sex addict and all that jazz, and that sucks. But still. David Duchonvy. You can work around that kind of stuff for Duchovny. Look at that face. The jaw line. That nose! And doesn’t that dry humor just make you melt like a grilled cheese sandwich? I’ll admit, Duchovny was my top celeb crush for years, and when I found out about his whole sex addict-cheater subplot, it did tarnish his image in my eyes a little, but come on. The guy is fucking hot.
So, no, Tea should not divorce him. She should punish him and make him pay, sure, but she should definitely keep him in her back pocket for when she needs some good lovin’. I mean, she should totally have relationships on the side and stuff, but Duchovny should still be the main squeeze — the guy she spends holidays with and flies off to Hawaii with in January. Because, two words: shirtless Duchovny. Mmkay?
Also! They have two kids together. Now, I know kids aren’t a reason to stay together and blah, blah, blah, but the kids wouldn’t be the reason they’d be staying together. I already established that. David being totally hot would be the reason they’d stay together. The kids would just be icing.
Anyway, I think I’ve made a pretty clear argument here. Tea, there are some men whose bad behavior you just have to deal with. I don’t say that often. In fact, I’ve probably never said that around here, because that man is just so rare. But this man is it. This may be the one man in the world whose bad behavior should be dealt with and from whom a woman, if she is lucky enough to snag him, should not MOA.