It’s been awhile since I did an “If They Asked” column but if there was any story to resurrect the column, it’s this one: Tea Leoni and David Duchonvy have announced they’re splitting up (again). For the second time in three years, the couple has decided to spend some quality time apart, though they haven’t yet decided to divorce. This is where my advice comes in; if they asked — well, really, if she asked — I’d have to say — nay, implore Tea: don’t divorce David!!
Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s a cheat and a sex addict and all that jazz, and that sucks. But still. David Duchonvy. You can work around that kind of stuff for Duchovny. Look at that face. The jaw line. That nose! And doesn’t that dry humor just make you melt like a grilled cheese sandwich? I’ll admit, Duchovny was my top celeb crush for years, and when I found out about his whole sex addict-cheater subplot, it did tarnish his image in my eyes a little, but come on. The guy is fucking hot.
So, no, Tea should not divorce him. She should punish him and make him pay, sure, but she should definitely keep him in her back pocket for when she needs some good lovin’. I mean, she should totally have relationships on the side and stuff, but Duchovny should still be the main squeeze — the guy she spends holidays with and flies off to Hawaii with in January. Because, two words: shirtless Duchovny. Mmkay?
Also! They have two kids together. Now, I know kids aren’t a reason to stay together and blah, blah, blah, but the kids wouldn’t be the reason they’d be staying together. I already established that. David being totally hot would be the reason they’d stay together. The kids would just be icing.
Anyway, I think I’ve made a pretty clear argument here. Tea, there are some men whose bad behavior you just have to deal with. I don’t say that often. In fact, I’ve probably never said that around here, because that man is just so rare. But this man is it. This may be the one man in the world whose bad behavior should be dealt with and from whom a woman, if she is lucky enough to snag him, should not MOA.
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WatersEdge June 29, 2011, 10:44 am
In a weird way, I think this proves how much you love Drew. You want your crush to stay married to someone else! Now that’s love.
MJ June 29, 2011, 10:50 am
Countdown until someone takes this seriously…5…4…
WatersEdge June 29, 2011, 10:58 am
What do you mean, not take it seriously? Oh, I get it! You’ve never seen him without his shirt off, I’m guessing. You’re welcome!
Wendy June 29, 2011, 11:04 am
He’s like such a man, you know? They don’t make ’em like that so much anymore.
SGMcG June 29, 2011, 2:50 pm
Hey Wendy, this gives a whole NEW meaning to Wednesday being hump day. Maybe we should take the opportunity to gush about a celebrity crush in the middle of the week? Maybe get the His Take panel to contribute who are their crushes? Or is that too porn website-like?
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 2:52 pm
YES !! Wednesday Crush day 🙂
I’ll start..
Here is my Wednesday Crush for the day : Haaz Sleiman
kali June 30, 2011, 12:51 pm
My celebrity crush is the adorable Matt Bomer. Sigh.
Sailorbabe June 30, 2011, 1:37 pm
YES!
NOLAGirl June 29, 2011, 12:26 pm
Thank you! That made my Wednesday. mmmm. I was so in love with him in X-Files. Man that just makes me want to go watch some old X-Files episodes.
Anna June 29, 2011, 4:00 pm
I LOVE X-Files!! And David Duchovny has been my celebrity crush since I was about 10 🙂 If he needs someone to, um, keep him company during this rough time I volunteer!! Even though he’s 50 he’s still sooooooooo sexy. Watching Californation is better than porn for me!
callmehobo June 29, 2011, 10:52 am
Wendy..
What if Tea wrote in to you and DIDN’T mention that her husband was David Duchovny, and you advised her to MOA?????
OH MY GOD THE RAMIFICATIONS.
Wendy June 29, 2011, 10:54 am
I shudder to think…
Morgan June 29, 2011, 10:55 am
I understand Wendy…I have very similar feelings for Jude Law. Dirty, cheating, bad, bad man who would do the same to me as he’s done before? Probably. Would I even need to stop and think before going there? Not a chance.
TheGirl June 29, 2011, 11:32 am
I met Jude Law on a tube in London back in 1999. He was in a show at the Young Vic that I had just seen… but, of course, I was so lost in those soft blue-green eyes that I just stammered something about how good he was in it and turned bright red. Of course, I was only 17 at the time, so I didn’t have the guts to ask him out or, you know, to take me right there. Sigh…
Morgan June 29, 2011, 11:49 am
Oh wow. I like to think I would have jumped him on the spot, but I probably would have done the same. And then tripped over my own feet and dropped my bag as I turned to leave, probably.
natasha June 29, 2011, 11:17 am
oh very funny Wendy I hope you aren’t serious because this calls for being hypocritical! If this was my situation everyone would say MOA!!
hahhaha I hope you are joking !
CMF June 29, 2011, 11:19 am
For me it’s Jonathan Rhys Meyers. The guy’s a mess, but he’s just so damn good looking.
BoomChakaLaka June 29, 2011, 11:51 am
Preach!
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 11:54 am
Are we playing the “Cheaters we would stay with because they’re too hot” game ???
Sarah June 29, 2011, 12:45 pm
Ethan Hawke…
….I’m not proud.
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 12:49 pm
Damn, I’d take him, crooked teeth and all…
Princess Bananahammock June 29, 2011, 8:31 pm
Such an Ethan Hawke weakness . . . Speaking of not proud, I’ve watched Great Expectations at least 100 times, just because of him.
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 8:45 pm
Whenever I hear Ethan Hawke’s name, I think of Family Guy 🙂
Blitzen June 29, 2011, 1:48 pm
Chad Michael Murray!!
Monica M June 29, 2011, 11:55 am
Totally agree!!
Firegirl32 June 29, 2011, 12:02 pm
Oh god…In August Rush. I LOVE HIM! Dreamy. Just dreamy.
Sarah June 29, 2011, 12:51 pm
I would bend him like Beckham.
CMF June 29, 2011, 1:07 pm
Haha, wow. I don’t even think I know what that means, but I like that you said it.
Sarah June 29, 2011, 1:15 pm
ZOMG, watch “Bend It Like Beckham”. Its such a good movie!! JRM is sooooooooooooo hot in it and for once he’s not playing a sociopath. Plus its got Keira Knightley in it before she started making that puss face.
Btw, I googled Kiera Knightley’s puss face and this video came up. Made my morning! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ecNTYRZims
CMF June 29, 2011, 2:17 pm
“I googled Keira Knightley’s puss face…”
Okay, I have a totally harmless girl crush on you. Hope you’re cool with that.
Bethany June 30, 2011, 9:20 am
Bad news for you JRM fans:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20506809,00.html
Firegirl32 June 30, 2011, 10:27 am
I know! So sad. 🙁
Bethany June 29, 2011, 11:22 am
Bring on the dirty purple thumbs, but he just doesn’t do anything for me!
I’m sorry- I said it.
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 11:54 am
thank.you.
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 12:29 pm
Phew, I didn’t want to be the only one saying that!!!
Painted_lady June 29, 2011, 2:23 pm
Yeah, I mean, to each her own. I’m a Ryan Reynolds girl personally. Dear god. Actually my boyfriend was asking this weekend if I would be angry if he agreed to be gay for pay with Ryan Reynolds, and I told him only if he didn’t invite me along. I don’t know if he’s got a reputation as a cheater really, but it just. Wouldn’t. Matter.
Bethany June 29, 2011, 3:33 pm
I agree! Ryan Reynolds is SO HOT!!!
Elizabeth June 29, 2011, 4:15 pm
I’m a Reynolds fan myself and I think he got cheated on… that scarlett hussy! ryan to Spicoli!?!?
moonflowers June 29, 2011, 4:17 pm
I used to have a big crush on him, but somehow finding out about the cheating and sex addict just made me go all limp, ifyouknowwhatImean. Now I just feel skeeved when I see him. Alas.
Valerie June 29, 2011, 11:25 am
Yumm, LOVE him in Californication!
ncp June 29, 2011, 11:28 am
I’m so glad my celebrity crush is Hugh Jackman: devoted family man and all-around sex-god.
TheGirl June 29, 2011, 11:34 am
I always think his name sounds like a porn star. It literally makes me giggle every time I hear it.
ncp June 29, 2011, 12:12 pm
That’s part of his appeal! Porn-star name, wholesome family sing-and-dance-and-kiss-some-ass personality.
ncp June 29, 2011, 12:12 pm
Ugh. KICK some ass!
SGMcG June 29, 2011, 12:15 pm
It’s OK, NCP. Hugh Jackman can kiss my ass, and anywhere he wants, ANYTIME.
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 12:33 pm
I’d take Hugh Jackman, but my favorite hot 40-something Aussie is Eric Bana.
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 2:09 pm
Bana = YUM
Jess June 29, 2011, 2:22 pm
me too!
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 2:26 pm
Oh, I just watched the love scene from Munich again, I can’t believe it was voted “creepiest love scene ” Whaaaa ??
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 2:51 pm
I thought he was phenomenal in the movie, but I felt no attraction to him in that one. For that sex scene, he was so disconnected from her, and she just seemed numb because of it.
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 2:54 pm
That’s because he was busy thinking of me 😉
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 2:54 pm
Touche! 😉
bittergaymark June 30, 2011, 11:07 am
Ah, yes. Hugh Jackman. Devoted Family Man with a curiously older and decidely plainer wife. Oh, and a HOT, YOUNG MALE BUSINESS PARTNER he has EXCHANGED “FRIENDSHIP” RINGS WITH… One this IS true though, Miss Jackman NEVER has to worry about Hugh sleeping with another WOMAN…that much is true…
bittergaymark June 30, 2011, 11:09 am
http://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2008/12/hugh-jackman-and-business-partner.html
MsMisery June 29, 2011, 11:38 am
I think the fact that she HASN’T divorced him after so many attempts just shows she already knows how good in the sack he is. Moth to a flame, bebe.
BoomChakaLaka June 29, 2011, 11:54 am
Wait, are we equating with him being good in the sack because he’s a sex addict or because he’s good looking? I mean, what if he’s just not that great in the sack AND he’s got all these issues? Yeah that sounds like the recipe for MOAing, but what if Tea just can’t MOA (a la yesterday’s posting)?
Soo many questions…soo little time.
Also, I def think Tea can do better if she’s just looking for a little bit ‘o lovin…
SGMcG June 29, 2011, 12:14 pm
Thank goodness I don’t have celebrity crushes on men with behavior that is so disrespectful to me that others can recognize I need to MOA. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that the majority of my celebrity crushes on men are guys who are not only already taken, but also do not have a sexual preference towards my gender. Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, Anthony Rapp, Dan Savage…the list just goes ON.
Christy June 29, 2011, 12:38 pm
Don’t I know it! All *my* celeb crushes are on straight girls (like Cote de Pablo) or on straight girls who only play lesbians on TV (Blaine Morris, Marsha Thomason). How frustrating!
Blitzen June 29, 2011, 1:42 pm
Same here. Mark Feehily. *sigh*
Oh well, it’s not like I would have a shot with him even if he was straight..
Laurel June 29, 2011, 1:57 pm
I find Dan Savage *way* hotter than he finds me…sigh….
TheOtherMe June 29, 2011, 2:11 pm
Oh well if we are going “THERE”, then mine is TOM FORD 😉
SGMcG June 29, 2011, 2:37 pm
Ooooh…GOOD one. His partner, Richard Buckley, is a bit of a silver fox too.
PFG-SCR June 29, 2011, 2:55 pm
If I get to turn a gay man straight, I’m taking Nate Berkus!!
Ally June 29, 2011, 5:26 pm
I don’t even know what it is about Neil Patrick Harris, but oh yes. He’s awesome.
MsBorgia June 29, 2011, 12:30 pm
I love this post so much. I would NEVER divorce David Duchovny. I would just use his infidelity as justification to boink David Tennant on the side.
SGMcG June 29, 2011, 2:35 pm
OMFG – 10th Doctor for the WIN!
Rachel June 29, 2011, 12:41 pm
But if she divorces him, that means that I have a better shot!
The_Yellow_Dart June 29, 2011, 12:07 pm
Rumor has it that they’re already divorced:
Handy June 29, 2011, 4:14 pm
Wednesday Crush Day…I’m in!
Duchovny was my celeb crush from the very first episode of X-Files. Seeing him and Brad Pitt in Kalifornia just about made my head (not to mention other parts within me) explode.
Then there’s Mark Wahlberg. I’ll watch Date Night again and again, just to see Mark Wahlberg without his shirt.
Duchoveny, Wahlberg and Pitt all in the same movie….I couldn’t handle it. Seriously, they’d need to bring oxygen.
beans629 June 29, 2011, 4:42 pm
Duchovny…eh, not so much for me. I like my men a lot more rugged in the face.
Definitely, Daniel Craig, Patrick Stewart and if I go way back in the day Steve McQueen.
Or maybe I just like men with dreamy (did I just say that- :-))eyes that I could fall into forever.
David Jay June 29, 2011, 7:12 pm
I’m a BIG fan of David’s since the X-files days, Red Shoe Diaries, the plethora of quirky movies in between, and currently Californication. That being said, I cannot even begin to imagine (from Tea’s perspective), being married to someone whose job is basically f*cking other women on camera… which is what his acting career has come down to. She’s put up with it long enough!
That being said, no job is worth losing a marriage over. So… give up the acting job, David, and play the house-husband until the kids are gone. Finally, make such ravenous love to your wife every night that it makes Californication look like Virginication in comparison.
Anna June 29, 2011, 9:14 pm
Who’s to say that his job was the issue in their marriage? He gets paid to *pretend* to fuck other women on camera, not to actually do it! He’s a legit actor, not a porn star. There were probably other issues, like him *actually* fucking other women in real life and not getting paid for it! I would be very sad if he ever stopped acting. I’m a huge fan of Californication but the original is still the greatest: Long Live Fox Mulder!!!
David Jay June 29, 2011, 10:05 pm
I’m sure Tea would be the first to say it, hence making me the second.
It would be sad if he stopped acting… sadder still if he got divorced.
BigRedYouSay? June 30, 2011, 3:05 am
How bad is it that I registered just to say “SEAN BEAN!” ? If I ever happened to meet him, my clothes would spontaneously fly off *HOWLS*
SGMcG June 30, 2011, 9:24 am
My husband gave me a pass if Jim Parsons ever came knocking at my door. 😀
MWalt October 5, 2011, 7:01 am
I really hope you are kidding. Sometimes a man’s jaw line makes it ok that he’s a totaly cheat and sex addict? Wendy Wendy, I am so dissapointed in you. I really hope this is a joke.
Wendy October 5, 2011, 8:10 am
I kind of thought the joke was obvious…
Chelle H. December 26, 2011, 11:52 pm
ITA! Tea shouldn’t divorce David. Marriages go through ups and downs and while some may state that his “adultry” is a deal breaker, it IS quite possible to forgive but NOT forget such indescretions! Having gone through this myself, let’s put it this way… I worked my ass off side-by-side with my philandering husband to buy a home, save some money, purchase nice things and generally build a beautiful life with the man. He doesn’t beat me. He doesn’t insult me. He doesn’t put me down. Sure he may have fucked some other women but so long as he didn’t give me a disease, I’ll take him back and work with him to get our marriage back on track. I’ll make him pay for his cheating ways in ways that will remind him of how good he truly has it and shouldn’t go a-wandering. But you don’t just throw away an otherwise good marriage. Some people can do it, I can’t. People cheat for a reason and yes, there is no good reason to cheat. But finding out why IS. I think they should try again. Talk. Work things out and do whatever it takes to try to fix what’s broke. If they reach that pinnacle and can’t do it anymore, fine. Divorce. Just don’t bust his heart up too much and leave nothing left for us ladies out there who CAN keep up with his sexual appetites and then some! Leave a little meat on the bone, Tea, y’hear?