Five years ago three things happened to me. I picked up that ‘masterpiece’ by E L James and read it in one sitting by the light of a torch in our garden. Then I met a man who was the first to touch me with passion in years. Although it was a short-lived relationship, he transformed me and made me believe in myself. I lost a stone and a half and started paying attention to my appearance. Then I made a decision that life was too short to live in misery, so I hung out a sign on the internet and transformed myself into a mature escort. I did this with both my husband’s and my mother’s knowledge. It was something my husband actually encouraged because he knew I would bring more money into the household. I knew I would be a success because I enjoy sex in all its permutations and men can sense that.
Escorting is not as glamorous as one would think and it is certainly not as horrible as some imagine. In reality, I am just an upscale prostitute, albeit a few years older than most of the women in the business. I work out of a flat in London. Over the years my clientele has grown to the point where I see four or five regulars a day and maybe one curious newcomer. I make about £700 a day, which is more than I made as a teacher in a week. The sex doesn’t fit the stereotype that many people imagine. It can be average and it can be mind-blowing. I don’t do this work just to make money; I honestly enjoy giving physical pleasure and receiving pleasure in return.
The one stereotype about being an escort that does ring true is that virtually all my clients are married and cheating on their wives. That was true for my first two years as an escort up until one day three years ago when something truly magical happened: an American man named Jeff walked in the door and gave me the honour of being the first woman to touch him erotically since his wife passed away a number of years previously. He came to see me because he wanted a physical relationship with no emotional ties. That’s not how it worked out at all.
I don’t know how to adequately describe Jeff. He is six years younger than I, five times brighter. and literally the sort of man that make women gasp when he walks into a room. He is not tremendously wealthy but is very well off, and his success comes from his creativity and his wonderfully complex mind. I didn’t fall in love with Jeff first, but he fell for me the moment we were first together. It didn’t take long for me to follow suit. The truth is that we didn’t have full-blown sex until a week after we met. The first time he saw me we just talked for three hours straight, touching each other. It was at our third appointment when he gave himself to me fully. Jeff is the sort of man that takes pleasure in giving pleasure and our physical relationship is right off the scale. Although this may sound like mystical rubbish, right at the start Jeff felt it was as if he were destined to be with me. I knew from the beginning that I was the one chosen to heal his heart.
Jeff is not conflicted about what I do for a living. In fact, he finds it tremendously erotic and, to this day, he generously pays for his time with me, always in an envelope with a nice card. He also showers me with gifts, he takes me shopping, and we holiday together. I spend two or three nights a week at his flat and have met his children and his friends, all of whom, up to recently, were completely unaware of how I make my living. We have been seeing each other for three years, and he has remained faithful to me. As hypocritical as it sounds, it would break my heart if he slept with another woman.
When we are out together with his friends, both male and female, I have always been aware of the barely concealed envy the women in the room have about me. Here I am a few years older than Jeff, of dubious origins, and I’ve snatched away their prize. There has always been a lot of curiosity about me. The fact that I am still married but obviously in love with another man who dotes on me has brought out the green monster of jealousy in many of the women, particularly those who were friends with his late wife.
What Jeff and I knew would inevitably happen has now come to pass. In the last few days I have been getting phone calls through the number I work through from women I vaguely know through Jeff. They have become increasingly nasty and vitriolic. They claim that my relationship with Jeff has stopped him remarrying and finding happiness and they have called me all sorts of derogatory names.
The fact that I am now “outed” doesn’t bother Jeff in the least. I admire that in him so much and that makes me love him more. The truth is I know that Jeff would propose to me at the drop of a hat if I hinted to him that I wanted us to be married. He would love to know that we will be together for the rest of our lives.
As unusual as our relationship is, it works. I don’t want to disrupt my children’s lives. They are happy with the arrangement between my husband and me. They have never met Jeff, but they have heard about him. I know his children and their nanny and, although they have no idea what I do for a living, they are aware I am married. I do tuck them in at night when I am over and do in many ways feel that they are now my children too.
The question I have for you is should I divorce my husband, prompt a proposal from Jeff, and marry him? It would have to be a sort of hybrid marriage for a few years, at least until my children were mature enough to deal with the situation. If I were to do this, I would split my time between Jeff and my home and carry on with my work. I know Jeff would love this to happen and it wouldn’t break my husband’s heart, as long as he knew that I was paying for the mortgage and the children.
It is my 46th birthday coming up, and, if I told Jeff to get me an engagement ring, it would make him the happiest man in the world. Furthermore, I would love to flash it at those bitches who think I am not good enough to have their golden boy. — Escort in Love
Look, if your kids are mature enough to deal with their mother working as an escort and tucking in some other man’s kids at night, they’re mature enough to deal with their parents getting a divorce. So, come on, divorce your husband because the marriage is long over, and consider pursuing writing as a side career; something tells me a hit like Fifty Shades isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility for you. As for Jeff, you don’t need to be engaged to have a big diamond to flash around. Ask for a promise ring and call it a day. What do you need another husband for?
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
Bekahtravels April 26, 2016, 8:59 am
This is not a movie, this will not well.
kare April 26, 2016, 9:04 am
I would love to read a memoir written by the LW.
Kate April 26, 2016, 9:12 am
You mean a novel. Something tells me this is fantasy. The info Wendy needed to know to give her advice could have been communicated in about 20% of the words used. Advice is right on though.
gigi April 26, 2016, 9:25 am
Totally agree… something doesn’t quite sound real here. But WWS.
Addie Pray April 26, 2016, 9:32 am
Not me. I tried to read Fifty Shades. I only got about a 1/3 of the way through but stopped because boredom trumped my curiosity to learn what would happen in the end.
kare April 26, 2016, 9:40 am
Fifty shades was incredibly boring and judgemental. I couldn’t finish it either. But what else would you expect from a conservative Christian writing Twilight fan fiction?
Stonegypsy April 26, 2016, 9:30 am
K April 26, 2016, 9:55 am
Was this supposed to be an “In other words” column, or did this LW really just send in the same letter to multiple advice columns?
Dear Wendy April 26, 2016, 10:29 am
She sent it to me, too. I didn’t previously see the Savage Love column with her letter, but it’s interesting to read the response — with a Catastrophe reference, too!
Addie Pray April 26, 2016, 9:31 am
Wait, are we pretending this is real?
Addie Pray April 26, 2016, 9:36 am
I mean, first of all, no one reads Masterpiece by the light of a torch in a garden. I can think of nothing more uncomfortable.
Skyblossom April 27, 2016, 8:07 am
American flashlight = English torch. Why any adult would sit outside in the dark in the garden to read a book by flashlight I don’t know. It seems awkward to hold both the book and the flashlight. She could have come up with something a little more creative and credible than this.
Vathena April 27, 2016, 11:48 am
maybe she used a headlamp?
Stonegypsy April 26, 2016, 9:36 am
Nope. Definitely fake
Kate April 26, 2016, 9:52 am
I have a MILFy vibe… I’m going to ask hubs if he’d be cool with me making hundreds a day as a mature escort.
Kate April 26, 2016, 9:57 am
Wait, no I’m not, I just did the math. Assuming she gets weekends off, I make more selling bullshit to marketers. With bennies. Never mind.
Cassie April 26, 2016, 12:26 pm
Well at least you now have a plan for retirement if you want a part-time gig.
Cleopatra Jones April 26, 2016, 10:02 am
I was like…wait her husband is OK with her sexing up random guys for additional income into the household? Doesn’t that just make him a pimp? AND they have involved their kids in that foolishness?? Sweet Lord Jesus, I have no words.
Gwyneth6 April 26, 2016, 3:56 pm
I think she does it out of a different place, she mentioned a flat
Nookie April 26, 2016, 10:07 am
Well I for one think it’s nice that an unpublished writer could get some feedback on her work. 😉 And from Dan Savage as well! I once sent him in an article he’d like and he never responded. Bummed.
Kate April 26, 2016, 10:27 am
She’s an inspiration to all aspiring fan fic writers and trolls.
Nookie April 26, 2016, 11:01 am
Well Wendy had been saying the quality of the letters had gone down 😀
Vathena April 26, 2016, 10:26 am
This lady has been busy. She spent almost 20 years teaching school, married at 36 and by 40 had had 2 kids, fallen out of love with her husband, had an affair, and became an escort with the husband’s blessing. (And found the time to read an entire book, outdoors, by flashlight!) She’s made close to $250k per year for 5 years (quintuple her former salary!) and still somehow has a mortgage on what is probably a fairly modest house. Her kids are about 10 and 8 and still couldn’t handle a divorce, but their mom spends half the week away from them, and that’s apparently not a problem at all. Everyone is just so blissfully happy with the way things are! Oh yeah, except those green-eyed jealous bitches.
Thanks for the laugh this morning, LW!
Kate April 26, 2016, 8:28 pm
Another thing, when she met the guy, he was what, 36? And his wife had passed away years before? Let’s just say 6 years before. That makes his youngest possible kid 9 if she died in childbirth. But probably older. They’d have to be tweens by now. And she’s tucking them in at night? Girlfriend needs an editor.
Cassie April 27, 2016, 1:43 pm
Well, they could still be wanting her to tuck them in at night if they want to ogle their MILF-y step-hooker. It adds yet another layer to the plot, and I’d believe that detail over dashing gasp-inducing Jeff abstaining for years until finally getting to the point where he had to hire an escort and then just spending the next few (expensive) hours-long meetings talking–after falling in love with her immediately, of course. It just doesn’t make financial sense, as his wonderfully complex mind should have realized since he’s well-off but not incredibly rich to throw money around like that.
Memboard April 26, 2016, 10:45 am
Secret Diary of a MILF call girl?
Instead of being a PhD she’s a teacher (and unfortunately not the first in the genre)
In case it’s true story: pack the money away while you are a MILF and before you turn into a granny.
And while on the subject of divorce, your husband is entitled to stacks of 20£ seeing you are the big earner.
Nookie April 26, 2016, 11:00 am
Hey, there’s a market for grannies as well. Don’t be ageist
RedRoverRedRover April 26, 2016, 7:04 pm
Husband would get screwed on the money in the divorce though, since I’m assuming she doesn’t declare it so there’s no record. How do they still have a mortgage if she makes 700 pounds a day though? Come on. Even if she only works 5 days a week, 50 days a year, that’s 175,000 pounds a year. I know London is expensive, but unless they upgraded to a major house since her teaching days, they should be able to pay it off with that kind of money.
em April 26, 2016, 10:50 am
Struggling to believe this is real but a great read!
Northern Star April 26, 2016, 11:51 am
I love the ending. Can’t wait for the sequel: “An Escort in America: The Continuing Saga” featuring Jeff’s Puritanical parents and former in-laws.
bluejay April 26, 2016, 1:39 pm
I have never read such shite in my life!
Skyblossom April 26, 2016, 1:46 pm
There isn’t enough conflict in this story to make a good novel.
Kate April 26, 2016, 1:53 pm
No no, not a good novel, a shitty $1.99 eBook on Kindle. With lots of steamy details about “sex in all its permutations,” including with animals.
Skyblossom April 26, 2016, 2:13 pm
She forgot the animals. Good thing she wrote in for advice and can rectify that matter. Better make it a $.99 book on Kindle. It isn’t steamy enough although maybe she toned it down for us and the only conflict are those bitchy friends of his..
Kate April 26, 2016, 3:33 pm
Like don’t go around saying you enjoy sex in all its permutations unless you’re ready to get down with any barnyard combo.
I’m thinking middle-aged short model for my next career. This lady has inspired me to pursue my dreams. Someone on FB said Lianne and I looked like models in a recent pic.
Addie Pray April 26, 2016, 4:14 pm
Hey let’s talk about something real. Like that one time Wendy got photobombed by Ethan Hawke and Richard Linklater! Wendy, tell us about it, but tell us the story really slowly and elaborate on all the details. Like what they looked like and how they smelled and what their hair was like and what they were wearing and what the weather was like and what you were doing and what was said, and of course if anyone mentioned me. I’m ready! I have my popcorn and I’m ready for the story. Go!
Dear Wendy April 26, 2016, 7:28 pm
I’ll get to it!
Addie Pray April 26, 2016, 8:52 pm
Oh goodie – I’m positively giddy. And I wasn’t even there. I can only imagine how you’re feeling!
Sue Jones April 26, 2016, 5:23 pm
Fake letter. If you are in your late 40’s with 2 school aged kids, and a full time job that takes a lot of physical energy (if this is true) no way you have the TIME (or the energy) for all of those extracurricular shenanigans. Let alone staying over at your boyfriend’s house 3 nights per week. How exactly does that work when you have 2 kids of your own at home? Unless you are a really shitty mother. Or unless this is all bullshit.
Sue Jones April 26, 2016, 5:30 pm
And I think this basic plot has already been done in “Pretty Woman” so this is basically a middle aged “Pretty Woman” with kids and a husband.
dinoceros April 26, 2016, 6:28 pm
I feel like this is the only romance story where the love interest is “an American man named Jeff.” Really? Is he related to Jake from State Farm?
Nookie April 27, 2016, 4:07 am
I like that his name was changed to ‘Barack’ on Savage Love, gives it a more topical feeling!
saneinca April 26, 2016, 9:05 pm
Of course we all know this is fake but there are some goofs in the story line.
How does his women friends know about her occupation and which number to call to harass her?
If she was paid 2100 pounds a week extra for 5 years ( 2100x 52×5=546000) how come she still hasn’t paid off her mortgage ?
Kate April 27, 2016, 5:31 am
I thought about those too. I guess they could find the “sign she hung out on the Internet” lol if they knew where to look, but really? And how on earth would they know she’s a hooker unless Jeff told them? Which, why?? He’s proud that his girlfriend does donkey shows for frat boys?
The mortgage… Well, she’s paying rent on her sex flat in the city, plus consider her weekly bill for spray tan, hair, nails, lingerie, STD treatment without health insurance, and a cleaning service to mop up all the fluids. It adds up fast no matter how hard a girl hustles.
Lianne April 27, 2016, 8:55 am
OMG: …”and a cleaning service to mop up all the fluids.” Hilarious.
saneinca April 27, 2016, 11:43 am
You are right! I forgot all about the cleaning services.
Skyblossom April 27, 2016, 8:04 am
If this were real, and it can’t be, the answer would be no you shouldn’t get engaged. Getting engaged because his female friends are bitches is a pathetic reason to get engaged. On top of that you are still married and doesn’t it take two years to get a divorce in England? You aren’t available to get engaged. On top of that he has never met your kids so you don’t know if they will get along. On top of that your kids and his kids have never met and you don’t know if they will get along. So if this was real you would be running on stupid to get engaged. You’ve also never talked about getting married with this guy. Never talked about where you would live or how you would handle finances or what would be a good time to get married. You’ve done none of the important prep work that leads up to a successful engagement and marriage. The answer from every angle is no.
Sue Jones April 27, 2016, 9:53 am
I will add however, that I personally know a woman who wrote a romance novel and self published it on maybe Amazon as an ebook. There apparently is a huge market for this crap of women around the world who spend their days reading this stuff and they just devoured her first book! She was able to quit her other job, her husband was able to cut his hours to care for their child and she now works from home and writes. And takes the family on book tours. She was wildly successful and has last I heard come out with her 2nd book. She didn’t use a publisher, she writes on her own schedule, she has an agent and her book is being translated into several languages. So there IS a market for this stuff if that is what you were looking at. The rest of us who have real jobs are doing it wrong, I guess.
Taylor April 27, 2016, 12:26 pm
I’m dying to know who the author is!
Kate April 27, 2016, 12:37 pm
Oh I know there is. And it pisses me off so much to have to wade through all that utter garbage when I’m looking for a new book to read on Kindle. I mean, more power to shitty writers like this LW who can make money writing shitty books with the advent of e-readers, but I wouldn’t touch it if it were free.
Cassie April 27, 2016, 1:27 pm
It’s good to know if this resume writing business doesn’t work out, I can always be a trashy romance novel author. Aspirations.
Kate April 27, 2016, 3:19 pm
Can I be the middle aged/mature model for the covers of your shitty e-Books?
Cassie April 27, 2016, 4:31 pm
Sure, but I’m going to need you to practice posing like this: http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1389923919l/569608.jpg
It’s 2016, after all.
Kate April 27, 2016, 6:23 pm
I think I can do that, Cassie. I can flex in 25 positions, but I only work here to pay my tuition.
Stillrunning April 27, 2016, 3:36 pm
I side-eyed this badly written story, but laughed out loud when she said Jeff still paid her and put her money in a nice card.
Sekmetrn May 2, 2016, 10:44 am
How many people has she sent this to?
Coyote May 4, 2016, 1:11 am
Actually I found the ” consider a career in writing” comment the most offensive thing about this ego-stroking abysmal train wreck of an attempt at “writing”. I got bored halfway through the second paragraph. How dare you take away those 3 minutes of my life that would have been better spent with a finger up my nose. Come on, we all know this is fake. Go jerk yourself off elsewhere.