This letter is from a recent “Ask a Lady” column from The Hairpin. Be sure to read the columnist’s response, which is pitch-perfect and relevant to so many people (not just those contemplating a quickie marriage):
I’m not really sure whom to ask. I’ll try to keep this short: I recently met a guy who’s my age (30, if it matters), and even though we only spent about four days together (I was in the process of moving), we really got on well. My soul is always just screaming “I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU,” but I thought I was old enough to be past that (that is, for lack of a better word, “puppy love”). Basically, we barely know each other, but it seems that we’re perfect together. I’m thinking of pulling a Britney and getting married in Vegas next month. He feels the same; he brought it up. Is this the worst idea in the world? It worked for Dharma and Greg … right. I’d love your opinion and also love to hear what the Hairpinners have to say.
P.S. Oh gosh, you’re going to point out that “we barely know each other” part, aren’t you? But again. It worked for a sitcom couple so can it work for me?
Read more here.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
bethany September 20, 2012, 1:07 pm
I didn’t read the bit about how it was from another website, so my first thought was “Is this written by Addie Pray about her new boyfriend?!”
jlyfsh September 20, 2012, 1:09 pm
haha i actually thought maybe it was AP writing in somewhere else 😉
Addie Pray September 20, 2012, 1:47 pm
I’m pretty sure Wendy posted this JUST SO I COULD READ IT! HAHA.
Addie Pray September 20, 2012, 1:50 pm
Also, I would NEVER write in somewhere else, rest assured! That would be cheating. Don’t cheat on Wendy, people!
jlyfsh September 20, 2012, 1:54 pm
well the problem is you already know what Wendy would have said! if you were hoping that someone would tell you to follow sir textsalot to the 24 hour chapel of love you might write to someone else 😉
Addie Pray September 20, 2012, 3:06 pm
Haha, good point. The good news is sir textsalot is much more level headed than I am. Thank goodness.
TaraMonster September 20, 2012, 3:22 pm
Is that his nickname?! Jesus. I’m too busy to DW for like two days and everyone starts going crazy with the new terms. I was calling him Mr. Sexy-Time-Weekend in my head, but I like Sir Textsalot a helluva lot more. 🙂
TaraMonster September 20, 2012, 3:25 pm
PS I’m a forum lurker. 😀
MackenzieLee September 21, 2012, 9:46 am
I was just about to say AP would never cheat on wendy
BecBoo84 September 20, 2012, 1:23 pm
I can’t really comment on this letter, because I ended up reading the second letter on the site too and now can’t stop thinking, “WTF is wrong with people?!” I guess that would be applicable to this letter too though.
TaraMonster September 20, 2012, 3:43 pm
I read the second letter too. As someone who just ended a very long interracial relationship, I can tell you firsthand that some people can be SUCH HUGE ASSHOLES when it comes to interracial couples. Everyone likes to go “YAY OBAMA POST RACIAL SOCIETY BLAH BLAH BLAH” but then the idea of their kid dating outside their race gives them heart palpitations. It’s very common.
My family had just gotten around to accepting it when I ended mine too. Figures!
MissDre September 20, 2012, 4:38 pm
Sorry to hear that it ended, TaraMonster. I hope you’re doing ok!
JK September 20, 2012, 1:28 pm
Also, I´m guessing the LW doesnt watch 2 and a Half Men, since on one of the first episodes of the latest (unwatchable) season, Dharma and Greg appeared on it, and they were arguing non stop.
And seriously? A 30 year old is going to base her life decisions on a sitcom??? I´d at least choose a soap, or a good drama. 🙂
bethany September 20, 2012, 1:43 pm
I want to base my life on Friends!!
Guy Friday September 20, 2012, 3:41 pm
Damn it, JK. You beat me to my point 😛
L September 20, 2012, 1:31 pm
The honeymoon stage is a very real thing in relationships. Sounds like she has a seriously bad case of it. You REALLY need to get to know the person after the honeymoon stage in order to really *know* them. Why can’t people see that??
TaraMonster September 20, 2012, 3:24 pm
They’re not even on the honeymoon yet. They’re still on the goddamn plane!
Lili September 20, 2012, 3:45 pm
AHAHHA I love this. And it ties in perfectly to where I need a man to see me in all seasons. Like Football tailgate season, spring–bikini anxiety season. Summer Social Season. and the list goes on and on for him to figure out if he loves Me, or just football season Lili. Or bikini body lili–she doesn’t exist yet, but next year, she MIGHT!
temperance September 20, 2012, 1:37 pm
My first thought is, does he need a green card?
bethany September 20, 2012, 1:42 pm
I agree with “the Lady”… What’s the rush? If it really is love, it won’t fade in another 4 days, 4 weeks, 4 months or 4 years while they get to know eachother. In my opinion 4 days is not enough time to know a person at all. Even if you spend 24 hours a day with them!
I can’t really see any harm in waiting to get married, while on the other hand, I can see a lot of potential harm by rushing into it.
rangerchic September 20, 2012, 1:58 pm
I agree – and it takes a while to really know someone…if you ever really do. After 4 days all she knows is how she feels in the moment. She is not thinking about anything else. Skip the marriage and get to know him a bit before jumping in…good grief!
painted_lady September 20, 2012, 4:10 pm
I’ve actually always wondered if the “I’ve just met him but we must get married nowwww!” people are under some sort of false impression that “they” are going to take marriage away, and soon. As in, if they don’t marry now, they will literally not have another chance. Folks, no matter what the right-wingers say, they’re not taking away marriage.
Addie Pray September 20, 2012, 4:29 pm
I can explain. Because some of us are crazy and emotional, and we struggle with boundries and protocol and… when you know YOU JUST KNOW and you think LET’S GET OUR ASSES TO THE LITTLE CHAPEL OF LURVE TOUTE SUITE!!!!
Thank god – seriously – thank you thank you thank you – that I have never fallen for someone equally dumb and spontaneous and careless – because I would have already had an-elopment-after-one-month happen to me, or five.
painted_lady September 20, 2012, 4:54 pm
AP, I adore you. I am also very happy Sir Textsalot has a cooler head than yours or I’d be forced to fly up to Chicago and Katie and I will physically sit on you till this urge passes.
GatorGirl September 20, 2012, 2:03 pm
No. My answer is no.
But if you’re going to go through with this LW, please over the next month before your nuptuals go over this list of questions Wendy wrote.
HmC September 20, 2012, 2:06 pm
I wasn’t expecting to feel this way based on the headline, but I actually thought the letter was kind of cute- I felt like she was clearly being humorous with the Dharma and Greg comment. I also liked the advice. I thought that the easy answer would have been to belittle the letter writer, but instead the advice put forth things that really should be considered, by anyone who is contemplating marriage. Namely, what does marriage mean to you and why does it mean that?
Fabelle September 20, 2012, 2:16 pm
Yes– the letter writer is definitely being cute & humorous; most of the LWs in The Hairpin’s “Ask a…” columns have a similiar tone when they write in. And I agree that the advice is stellar! I’m a big fan of that site & their compassionate advice, & I love that Wendy posted this 🙂
CG September 20, 2012, 1:18 pm
Christ, is the LW SERIOUSLY thinking that because it worked for Dharma and Greg, it can work for her in real life???? Please tell me she’s joking. If not, I’m just going to leave this here:
Tracey September 20, 2012, 2:00 pm
You said exactly what I was going to say, CG.
Oh, and one last thing LW: “Dharma and Greg” got cancelled after four seasons, so….
Guy Friday September 20, 2012, 3:41 pm
But they were still together for the beginning of Two and a Half Men last season! They were a cameo as one of the people looking to buy Charlie’s house! I found it hilarious, only because Thomas Gibson is an amazing actor and to watch him slip back into the Greg role after doing so many seasons of Hotchner on Criminal Minds was just awesome 🙂
MackenzieLee September 21, 2012, 9:48 am
Hotchner is Greg??? My mind is blown!!!
MsMisery September 21, 2012, 1:54 pm
I know… I’ve been watching Criminal Minds all these years and just now made the connection with you, too. >_<
bittergaymark September 20, 2012, 2:23 pm
Can somebody please explain to me why is it so many women agonize more over buying a pair of shoes than they do over who they should be dating — much less marry?
jlyfsh September 20, 2012, 2:29 pm
hey now mark shoes are important! i’ve had some of my shoes longer than my husband 😉
landygirl September 20, 2012, 3:05 pm
You failed to mention that the guy is also on board with this, you can’t place the stupidity entirely on her.
Sue Jones September 20, 2012, 3:25 pm
2 stupids don’t make a smart, they just make DOUBLY STUPID! I just don’t believe these people! Perhaps they are BOTH bipolar???? So my suggestion is: go ahead, get married right away and pregnant immediately after, then when you find out one of both of you have (choose one or more as is the case) 1. Massive debilitating credit card debt 2. A nasty drug habit 3. An undiagnosed mental health problem 4. A diagnosed but untreated mental health problem 5. A criminal history 6. A history of getting away with crimes i.e. nobody suspects that it was YOU who murdered your ex 7. A history of cheating 8. An inability to be and remain gainfully employed … then you can get back to us with a Dear Wendy Update and BGM and I will have a field day doing our respective , routine!
Sue Jones September 20, 2012, 3:26 pm
Meant to say BGM and I will do our respective facepalm headdesk routine!
landygirl September 20, 2012, 6:19 pm
That sounds like a plan! Thank goodness you sorted it out for them so they didn’t have to! Thinking hurts their brains.
landygirl September 20, 2012, 3:04 pm
Yes because life should be lived without aforethought or planning. If it doesn’t work out you can just get a divorce instead of trying to work any issues out. Life is disposable, why can’t relationships be disposable too? While you’re at it, you should both get large tattoos of each other’s names on your arms.
MELH September 20, 2012, 4:37 pm
New rule: If you are considering an act taken by Brittney in her crazy days, the answer to “should I do this” is no
painted_lady September 20, 2012, 4:59 pm
Good call. This is a good rule of thumb for so many things: should I sleep with and marry the guy whose baby mama is still knocked up? NO. Should I subsist on Starbucks? NO. Should I shave my head on a whim? NO.
I could play this game all day. Also? Probably considering the Britney Spears route is a good indicator you might need a 5150 of your very own.
Addie Pray September 20, 2012, 5:02 pm
I love rules! And this is probably a good one.
A guy September 20, 2012, 11:12 pm
Capital idea! Marry immediately! Provide weekly updates to this site.
/pulling popcorn from microwave and settling in for show
More seriously, 90% of misery or happiness will come from your choice of partner in life, someone once said. If that is true, or even close to true, I think more than a few days is necessary to select the right one.
muffy September 21, 2012, 9:06 am
My dad asked my mom to marry him after their second date. She told him he was ridiculous so they dated for like 3 months. And THEN got married. They never really had an engagement. They’re still married years and years later. This is usually the exception not the rule but it can work. Also my mom had kids (me and my brothers from a previous marriage) at the time but when you know you know I guess. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married early. But maybe you can get engaged and then get married. My dad ended up being a good candidate because he wanted to adopt her kids and actually become their father. LW should see in the next few months if the man is more than words. I wouldn’t get married after 4 days but getting engaged would be a happy medium and then you can see if things still work out
SweetPeaG September 21, 2012, 12:29 pm
I would really like to open up a discussion on the third letter… please go back and read it if you haven’t. That one was really something else.
On the one hand, I totally understand her need to hear nice things about herself from a guy that she is spending sexy time with. On the other hand, what does she mean that guys actually say “Eh, B+” or “You’re fine, no supermodel” when they see her naked? Who says those things? Or at least, who says those things unless they are outright ASKED to give a ranking? Is this woman asking her special friends to actually rate her body? Isn’t that weird?!
Maybe I am lucky or maybe I just always fall for guys that are very generous with compliments (could be a “love language” thing). I don’t think I’m anywhere near supermodel, but I have gotten some fantastic reactions from men in that department. I guess I would be sad if anyone ever said to me “Eh, B+” (not that that is a bad grade in the grand scheme of things!)… but on the other hand, I’d never ask for a grade. That’s kind of icky, no?
What did you all think of this? How important is for you that the person you are getting it on with thinks you are hot stuff?
sassygirl July 17, 2013, 3:31 pm
Not enough time. Take AT LEAST a year to really get to know each other. Don’t get in a hurry. Marriage is too important to rush into it. Many things will come up in a year’s time that you can truly judge how well you will get along. There are probably many situations you’ve never had to deal with in such a short time. It’s in the hard, slim, down times that you truly know what a person is made of. Until you see that side of them, hold off. People can say one thing and their actions say something completely different. Wait!!! and just enjoy each other for the time being.
mellanthe January 17, 2020, 4:39 am
If you marry someone without knowing them, you really have no idea if you’re fitted for each other. None. And when the initial heady infatuation wears off, it’s down to sheer luck as to whether you’re fitted enough to make things work. And as we all know, most relationships don’t work out – just because we feel attraction and chemistry doesn’t mean everything else matches up. So best not make too many longterm legal and financial decisions whilst in the honeymoon phase of things.
I just don’t believe you can know that early on. Sorry, it’s just not a thing. Your love-hormone-mushy brain makes you think it is, but it isn’t. For every couple who ‘just knew’ after a week and married after a month, there are tons of people who were equally certain but broke up like 2 months later.