The writer/ inspirational guru, Anne Lamott (author of cult favorites like Bird by Bird, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, and Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year [which should maybe be required reading for expectant parents], as well as lengthy Facebook posts in which she shares the secret of life) got married for the first time this month at age 65. In an article about the wedding in the Vows section of the Times on Friday, Lamott (or, Annie, if you’re a friend, which many of her readers feel as though they are) passed along some implicit and explicit advice for others who may also be waiting a long time to find/commit to the loves of their lives (like this LW, for example):
– Try online dating; this isn’t explicit advice from her, but it’s how she met her now-husband, Neal, so I suspect she’d suggest those who are looking for love to cast a wide enough net to consider meeting potential mates on websites tailored for others also looking for love, especially on niche sites (she met her husband on OurTime, a matchmaking site for people over 50).
– Give a second look to someone you may have once passed over. When she spotted Neal on OurTime, she sent him a message, to which he responded, “You rejected me already!” “He reminded her that they had exchanged messages on the site a few months earlier, but she had stopped communicating with him after learning he was allergic to cats.” After being newly re-impressed by his profile, she said, “Take me back! Take me back” and the two met for coffee and quickly fell in love.
– Create a life for yourself that you love: “If you’re paying attention and making your own life as beautiful and rich and fun as it can be, you might just attract someone who’s doing the same thing,” she said. “You can give up on tracking someone down with your butterfly net.”
– And, finally: Never give up on love (or any of your dreams, for that matter). “No matter how things look or how long they take. Don’t quit before the miracle.”
And not for nothing, but Lamott moved in with Neal after only seven months of dating, which goes against my usual advice to wait a year, but sometimes the exception to a rule can work out (especially if you’re 65 and know yourself and what you’re looking for pretty well).