And you thought you went out with weirdos…!
December 7, 2011, 11:42 am
“FYI, I’m not a serial dater.” Maybe not, but serial KILLER doesn’t seem out of the question here.
December 7, 2011, 11:50 am
Love this! This dude seems nuts!
December 7, 2011, 12:21 pm
No kidding! That bunny boiling picture is perfect!
December 7, 2011, 1:07 pm
YES! That opening “I’m disappointed in you” line sounds like something the creepy guy in a Lifetime movie would say when he calls the woman he’s stalking after seeing her talk to another man.
December 7, 2011, 11:48 am
YIKES. Can you imagine the email she would have gotten if she had gone on a second date and then stopped responding to his calls?
December 7, 2011, 11:52 am
His email is the kiss of death for me. Asking way too many questions.
I have a question for you DW readers. Do any of you feel a date has no where to go when all you seem to do is answer questions? The last couple dates I’ve went on, that seemed to be all there was, was a Q&A session. I’ve been on a few dates and some would have that chemistry where we would have fun and talk, but those women weren’t too interested in dating. Whether they did or didn’t want to date me, is a question I don’t have time to discipher.
Then there’s the dates where I felt all I was doing was asking questions and she would answer them. However, when I felt I was asking to many and asked her to hit me with some questions, she wouldn’t be able to think on her toes quick enough. I’m not a Q&A kind of guy, but it the last few dates that’s all that has fueled the dates. I’m not a supporter of not dating at all, so if someone ask me on a date or to hang out, I’m always open to go. I like to learn about new things and expand my options.
December 7, 2011, 12:20 pm
Depends on the tone of the questions. I think I spent the 1st 6 weeks I was dating my boyfriend peppering him with every question that popped into my head. It’s a good way to get information about someone, find out if their values match your own. I thought we had potential, so there were a lot of things about him that I was curious about. Of course it’s probably better if the questions lead to actual conversation, but I wouldn’t say a Q&A by itself is a bad sign.
If, however, the questioning is more along the lines of “how much money is currently in your wallet”, I’d say it’s not going anywhere.
December 7, 2011, 2:23 pm
Now, I’ve actually asked “what is the weirdest thing you’ve ever kept in your wallet”… which did elicit a laugh. Especially when the answer was “a stick of bubble gum”.
Honestly, when you SIT on your wallet, why put a stick of gum in your wallet?
December 7, 2011, 2:43 pm
Not everybody sits on their wallet. 😉
December 7, 2011, 3:25 pm
*laugh* That particular guy did.
Which brought a whole host of other questions and thoughts to mind. Which I refrained from asking at the dinner table, since they all related to the hind-end.
December 7, 2011, 12:46 pm
My friend was just talking to me about this. She was set up with a guy and he just bombarded her with questions and she felt like she was on a job interview – her case was a little different and when she tried to lead the questions into a discussion about interests or find out about him he would just come back to his list. She found it so disturbing she told him so.
Ideally the questions you ask each other should lead to a back and forth and a conversation – and hopefully chemistry. No one needs to find out everything about the other person in one night – you just need enough information to decide if you want to see them again. I know some girls are guilty of this too, but my friend felt the guy just had a checklist and if she checked enough boxes then he would be good to go. So really it had nothing to do with HER – just whatever the boxes were.
December 7, 2011, 1:02 pm
LOL! That guy must have been the younger brother of the guy who took my sister out. After an extensive lifestyle interrogation, he told her that he thought her eggs were probably too old!
December 7, 2011, 1:18 pm
I don’t believe you – how is a charmer like THAT still single?
December 7, 2011, 1:58 pm
It was just typical questions. Never about money or life choices. More about education, favorite foods, favorite movies, places they’ve traveled, and other things like that. I wouldn’t think I was grilling them with questions, but they could never seem to keep the conversation going. It always felt one sided on my part, which ended up getting frustrating.
December 7, 2011, 2:38 pm
Sorry – I didn’t mean to make it sound like you were doing what that guy was doing on my friend’s date. It was kind of the reverse of what my friend went through. It sounds like both of you were trying to start conversations – and in your case tumble weeds were rolling by and your date didn’t have enough personality to sustain the conversation and in my freind’s case the guy wasn’t interested in getting to know her – just checking off things off of a list. Both suck.
December 7, 2011, 2:42 pm
I have had this exact experience! It’s like tennis – a conversation requires someone to hit the ball back to you instead of standing there and making no attempt to return it!
I dated a guy for a while and I wondered why he could not hold up his end of the conversation. He was going to visit his family in another state, and I kept trying to draw him out to talk about it but all I got were flat answers.
Are there places or people you always visit when you go home? – “yeah.”
Oh? What do you like to do up there? “visit friends.”
I guess I could have revised my questions to be more open ended, but seriously! If the questions were reversed instead of “yeah” I would have said “oh definitely! I always go to this amazing brunch at the community golf course, and there is this man-made island with gigantic beautiful houses that I like to walk around. You really need to see these houses. etc”
I feel like society has lost a lot of conversational skills. Maybe it’s all the technology, but people seem to miss the bigger picture in that the person asking questions isn’t looking for the information alone – they want to make a connection or find things in common.
December 7, 2011, 3:36 pm
Your “go visit” and “friends” are the same kind of short responses I get, which always make me think I ask too many questions. Then I try and put the spotlight on them to talk about what they like or ask me questions and then it dies. I answer and then it’s just “ok.” How frustrating
December 7, 2011, 4:02 pm
Sorry bud she wasn’t into you. If you go up to a women and your the question guy at all times, she is just not intrested. NEXT!
December 7, 2011, 4:54 pm
I obviously know that. Hence why I’ve been on dates, and not a date that turned into a committed relationship. I’m just trying to improve my dating experience. Some good and some bad.
I’ve heard all the saying about you will end up when a relationship when you aren’t looking. Sadly, when I’m not looking, I’m truly not looking. So if someone was to come around, I wouldn’t probably pay them any attention.
December 7, 2011, 5:05 pm
Haha – I get that too. I just think it happens when it happens and the timing is just way longer if you are focused on it. In my opinion the best sign a date is going well is when you actually have an in-depth conversation about some topics rather than rapid fire question session. Means you both have some mutual ground and don’t have to try too hard with each other.
Maybe try doing something that allows conversation and to focus on other stuff rather than a sit down dinner (if that’s what your doing). I know I’m not a lady (who you asked)…and I’m the last person to give dating advice given it’s been a while. Putt-putt seems boring and cliche but something like that…where you are doing something fun, but it is easy to talk. I’ve found dinner dates always work better when you have some past experiences with the person to work with.
I also have a much easier time when I meet people in a social setting of common interest (work functions, sports teams, band stuff, etc) than blind/”I-just-met-this-person” dates.
December 7, 2011, 5:19 pm
I’ve tried a few different things. It could just be me and I’m getting a bit burnt out on dating as well. I’ve never been the best dater. All my relationships have just kind of happened. So forming a relationship from a date has never happened.
December 7, 2011, 5:21 pm
I’ll be 28 soon and most of my friends are married or seriously committed. Which means most of their friends are doing the same thing, so I’m a bit on my own when it comes to the dating scene. I’m going to take a little break and just enjoy the holidays and then come back to it next year. I’ve went on enough dates the last 4 or 5 weeks to satisfy me.
December 8, 2011, 1:58 am
I had a similar experience on what turned out to be a coffee date (dense ol’ me thought it was just a friendly chat). When a guy fires a list of questions, all unrelated, it makes me think:
a) He’s got a checklist, and he doesn’t really care about me for me (the stuff he isn’t anticipating, because he doesn’t know me at all yet), nor does he care if we’re actually compatible, or even if I like him. Seems like he’ll be satisfied that I’m scoring high on this checklist of his.
b) He won’t let me get a word in edgewise (at least this guy didn’t). Right after I answer a question extensively, I can’t even catch my breath or sip my coffee before he’s off on a different tangent. I can’t even ask *him* anything – as if he’s afraid I’ll find out who he is! I basically said, “Hold your horses, am I being interviewed or something?”
c) He thinks of relationships in bits and pieces, as if compatibility was only the sum of shared experiences and interests. How and why people do stuff is more important than just what they do. I could answer everything on the checklist “correctly” and have common likes/dislikes and could still be very different from the guy in terms of need for contact, communication skills, assumptions about relationship roles, and ways of showing affection, all of which are far more important to maintaining a relationship in the long run than whether or not we both like Indian food.
This is my very personal and thus biased view of the situation, but I hope it helps. Best of luck with the dating.
December 7, 2011, 1:09 pm
Not speaking of dates, but my sister has a habit of interrogating guests who aren’t known to the group. She thinks it makes them more comfortable. “Now, John, I understand you teach economics. Can you tell us a little about that?” John answers. “And what kind of vacations do you have planned for the year, John.” John answers. “That’s really interesting. Cathy, here, has also gone to Honduras. Do you have any pets, John? What are their names?” Everyone else listens uncomfortably and says nothing.
December 7, 2011, 11:57 am
I’m also not that surprised by the Investment Banker. Have any of you dealt with high profile people or watched “Mad Men?” It’s the same type of atmosphere. When you build accounts, have a high salary, or make partner, you don’t hear NO or take NO for a reason. When you say no, you come off as weak.
For her to say no to him, was much like him not getting an account from a customer. It comes off as a failure and a huge blow to his ego. If you still don’t understand, truly check out an episode of “Mad Men.”
December 7, 2011, 12:42 pm
The Mad Men reference is irrelevant to me. The show was set in the 1960’s before and during the very early years of the sexual revolution. So so SO many things have changed since that time. I mean the birth controll pill wasn’t even avaliable untill 1960 and that alone created HUGE changes in society. Homosexuality wasn’t even spoken of then. Women were still supposed to quit there job and raise children after getting married. I just don’t see how this applies to today’s culture.
December 7, 2011, 2:12 pm
I agree with you GatorGirl. But I work in the Banking industry and I work with some people that are Senior VP’s and they have huge egos. People don’t tell them NO and they can create results. Not as extreme as the LW’s date or Mad Men, but they do still have those characteristics.
December 7, 2011, 3:02 pm
I agreed with the bloated ego part, just not the Mad Men reference. I think those men you refer to would be happier in the 1960’s!
December 7, 2011, 1:11 pm
Of course the investment banker’s complaint was that SHE DIDN’T HAVE THE COURTESY TO SAY ‘NO’ and SHE WAS SENDING MIXED MESSAGES, as Michael mentioned often (and crazily).
December 7, 2011, 4:16 pm
I’m not really sure he is even an Investment Banker. That was the worst written diatribe I think I have ever read. Most people at an executive level can formulate a paragraph with some degree of precision.
December 8, 2011, 2:02 am
I think he was an investment manager, which means he messes around on the stock market, in his case, with family money. A real I-banker wouldn’t make it with such poor social skills….
December 8, 2011, 7:18 am
You can tell that this letter is in his “Work Voice”. There is this joke in my family that when my dad sends emails from work he will use work terms. His brain can’t switch over. It will say – Dear Sweetie: The schedule is set for family dinner on saturday. See below. sincerely, dad.
December 8, 2011, 10:02 am
I do that at times too. I spend so much time at work that my emails outside of work can be a bit professional too. Even my text messages are complete sentences and hardly ever shorthand. My career greatly improved my writing skills, since I have to write for the peers that are very critical of grammar. I’m not perfect and am a work in progress. I started out writing, much like I spoke. Once that habit was broken, I haven’t been able to go back to shorthand.
December 8, 2011, 10:28 am
heh, yeah, I’m a grad student so sometimes the big words I love to use in my papers start to come out into my speech – but then I just sounds like an asshole! : )
December 7, 2011, 11:58 am
Wow, that was…wow. Control freak much?
December 7, 2011, 12:04 pm
I hope he doesn’t know where she lives.
December 7, 2011, 12:22 pm
He seems scarily good with Google, though….
December 7, 2011, 12:20 pm
Was the investment banker’s name Sheldon Cooper?
FYI I play with my hair a lot because it’s a compulsive habit. Not because I’m “preening.” I also make a lot of eye contact because I’m naturally shy, and I know I’m *supposed* to make eye contact, so I force myself to do it to avoid being awkward. And “it was nice to meet you” is my token “goodbye” to everyone I just met when I can’t think of anything more personal to say.
December 7, 2011, 2:12 pm
Logic demands our engaging in coitus!
December 7, 2011, 12:29 pm
ha! saw this on reddit yesterday, glad to see you put it up. yes, it was exponentially creepy.
also, kudos on the bunny picture.
Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com
December 7, 2011, 12:30 pm
I must be hormonal today because I feel bad for the guy. Do I think he’s a full blown weirdo? Yes. But mostly just terribly, terribly socially awkward and hopelessly uncool. He approaches dating like its a science project where a series of facts and observations can lead to firm conclusions (like hair touching = indisputable attraction). He’s sincere, I think, in wanting to know what he’s doing wrong. Almost makes me wonder about Aspergers or similar.
I actually agree with him that it’s poor manners not to reply to someone with SOMETHING and let them know you are not interested. Even a quick text to say so is better than ignoring someone. I get that he harassed her with lots of calls and emails. But why didn’t she respond to the first one? It’s being ignored that makes people get too much into their heads and take the whole thing too seriously. Again, he’s nuts for sure but she didn’t help.
Who knows what actually happened on their date? He makes it sound innocuous but maybe there’s more to it that would explain why she shut him out so completely.
If I were in her shoes, I would write back correcting him on his wrong assumptions about the laws of attraction and also tell him, straight up, that bombarding a woman with messages is a turn off. Using logic and data to persuade someone that they should be attracted to you –also a turn off. That’s what I would tell him. And maybe that would be what he’s basically begging to hear.
December 7, 2011, 12:38 pm
I felt bad for him while reading it at times too, but sometimes people are really good at playing it off like that.
Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com
December 7, 2011, 12:40 pm
And I shoulda said “kinda bad” –don’t want to overstate it. Just almost imagining a 40 year old virgin type scenario!
December 7, 2011, 2:03 pm
How do you change yourself, when your entire career is built on not taking NO as an answer? I’m assuming he’s a bit older than she is, so he could be a bit set in her ways and not open to change as much as I would be or many other readers here. It’s easy to get set in your ways and not realize what you are doing is wrong, when you do the same activity at work and you create RESULTS.
December 7, 2011, 2:09 pm
Lots of investment bankers and other people in finance have the capacity to understand the differences between dealing with business and relationships and have been successful at both. He wasn’t born a 35 year old investment banker.
Now is he on the spectrum and thats what is going on here? Perhaps.
December 7, 2011, 2:23 pm
Seconded. I work with a bunch of investment bankers on a daily basis, and they’re all perfectly functioning members of society who understand boundaries and have social intelligence.
December 7, 2011, 2:59 pm
Sorry. Wasn’t trying to imply a sweeping generalization. Was thinking he could be the investment banker that is one personality all the time. Aggressive!
December 7, 2011, 12:56 pm
I agree that not responding to someone is rude too…have the courtesy to tell the guy that you are not interested in a 2nd date. But I couldn’t help but wonder how much time passed between the date and this email. At the rate he is obsessively over-analyzing ever little detail of her behavior and demanding an apology I wouldn’t be surprised if this showed up in her inbox after just a couple days.
Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com
December 7, 2011, 12:57 pm
or the next morning?! True. The missing details could swing this in different directions.
December 7, 2011, 2:13 pm
No kidding! I’d love to hear more about the timeline and details about the date itself from her perspective…although I probably have a pretty clear image in my head based on his email!!
December 7, 2011, 1:12 pm
Also, if the date was as horrible as it was implied, if he was really giving off creep vibes I probably wouldn’t have responded either, because with some types of crazies responding to any kind of contact just encourages them, even if the response is negative.
Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com
December 7, 2011, 1:22 pm
I agree. That’s what I meant when I said we don’t know how the date when or if he did something to warrant that she completely shut him out.
December 7, 2011, 2:54 pm
Gah! I should have read your comment before posting mine.
December 7, 2011, 1:10 pm
I kind of felt bad for him too. I think that level of social awkwardness must have some type of diagnosis behind it.
She definitely doesn’t owe him anything but I think it would be a kindness to tell him that she isn’t interested and that his email, while cathartic, was defeatist and he should probably not do that again if faced with a similar situation.
I think posting it online was a little mean too, since whatever else the guy was, he seemed sincere.
December 7, 2011, 1:15 pm
I read a hilarious piece on Slate magazine yesterday from a guy who discovered two years ago that he has Aspbergers. Suddenly he realized why he had been unsuccessful in a lot of situations, specifically buying presents for others. He wrote about his first birthday gift for his wife, which he put a lot of thought into. It was a giant bottle of Obsession for Men, with an Obsession for Men soap on a rope. He planned to wear it and make himself irresistable to her. That was his idea of a thoughtful gift for her. I was perplexed how he had managed to convince her to marry him.
December 8, 2011, 2:05 am
I read that too – and also his previous piece in the New York Times’ “Modern Love” column. His wife is luckily trained to work with Aspies, and she was the one who helped get him diagnosed. I’m in awe at her for her patience with him.
December 7, 2011, 1:28 pm
What I found most off-putting wasn’t his clinical dissection of the date, but the fact that he reprimands her like she’s a child for “leading him on”, when nothing he details would suggest that she did anything more than be polite to him. Should she have responded to his other communications? Possibly, but if this is an indication of the type of way he interacts with people, she probably didn’t want to have to deal with him any more after that first date.
December 7, 2011, 2:10 pm
This! So many Lifetime movies with the crazy stalker going, you made me do this, you made me feel this way with your irresistible womanly wiles! So it’s your fault I’m about to strangle you with piano wire!
December 7, 2011, 2:11 pm
What’s up with lifetime and piano wire? I randomly found myself on lifetime a couple times….on accident….maybe….and in both movies it was piano wire.
Jess of CityGirlsWorld.com
December 7, 2011, 2:16 pm
Yes, I did mention that! We just DON’T have that information and I would love to hear the woman’s description of the actual date.
December 7, 2011, 2:17 pm
Yes! It sounds like she was polite and kind to him and did nothing overly flirty but he read WAY too much into her mannerisms. His “disappointment” in her is really, really creepy! In almost all cases I think you should tell someone that you’re no longer interested in seeing them but I can also understand why she may have been avoiding him.
December 7, 2011, 2:53 pm
I wonder how long he’s waited for her to return the calls and texts?
I know it’s rude, but he acted like this on their date, I wouldn’t return calls or texts either.
December 7, 2011, 12:32 pm
Wow, if that’s what he considers mixed signals, he’s in for a load of trouble. Playing with hair and eye contact? I mean, I could see if they made out or something, but seriously? Maybe her hair kep falling into her eyes and she was pushing it away!
December 7, 2011, 12:37 pm
I’m sending mixed signals to my computer right now since I am always playing with my hair. Its just a force of habit.
December 7, 2011, 2:58 pm
I do the same. I wonder if my computer will send me an e-mail like this soon… 😉
December 7, 2011, 1:23 pm
But you can google it!
December 7, 2011, 1:59 pm
Maybe she was playing with her hair to have something solid to concentrate on besides this uncomfortable date. And I’ve learned never to say, “It was nice to meet you,” because in the bizarro world, that’s akin to a proposal of marriage.
December 7, 2011, 12:36 pm
These were my favorite lines:
“You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests.”
Because, of course I only date for convenience, personally.
And “People don’t grow on trees.” That is probably one of the most odd things someone could say. I remember being told that lots of things don’t grow on trees (money, toilet paper, cars, etc) but never people. I always assumed if I wanted a new friend I could go pick them off the friend tree.
December 7, 2011, 12:59 pm
I want to know who told you toilet paper doesn’t grow on trees! Sounds like a mom-line and I had to laugh.
Also, it technically is from a tree, right?
December 7, 2011, 1:01 pm
Technically money is from trees too though! But I laughed too. It made me think of the Charmin Ultra bears dancing around the forest with toilet paper on their butts. haha.
December 7, 2011, 2:01 pm
Isn’t most money made out of linen?
December 7, 2011, 2:07 pm
I think its something like 25% linen and 75% cotton thats pressed into paper, so I guess technically still from a plant just not a tree.
December 7, 2011, 1:39 pm
I tried to argue all the time that toilet paper and money both technically grow on trees, but then my mom would tell me to go out and try to find something on the tree to wipe my butt with.
December 7, 2011, 2:27 pm
lmao. Your mom is my hero!
December 8, 2011, 10:47 am
Poplar leaves are good for that. 😉
December 7, 2011, 1:00 pm
“In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that.”
Oh he’s unique alright!!
December 7, 2011, 1:09 pm
Yes to the people don’t grow on trees bit!!! Jeeeeeez.
Also note how he brings up how much money he makes – and it’s not Monopoly money.
December 7, 2011, 1:40 pm
I prefer my guys to make monopoly money. Its pretty.
December 7, 2011, 12:43 pm
I can smell his cocaine sweat from Argentina.
December 7, 2011, 1:12 pm
Buen fin de semana laaaaaaaaaaaargo 🙂
December 7, 2011, 1:21 pm
December 7, 2011, 5:48 pm
es fin de semana largo? no me entere –> tengo parcial el sábado 🙁
December 7, 2011, 6:00 pm
Si, mañana Dia de la Virgen, viernes feriado puente. Que mala onda tu profesor, poniendote parcial el sabado!!!
December 7, 2011, 10:06 pm
December 8, 2011, 9:20 am
buu qué ortivas =(
December 7, 2011, 12:52 pm
Agree with will.i.am. that his ego was blown. If he’s rolling that kind of dough around and as much (too much) of a logical thinker as he comes off as then his ego was destroyed by this diss. He met a girl he finally liked and she didn’t want to see him again…I think it’s shitty that it is posted though. I don’t like it when people do that stuff to others. Some people really don’t understand the creepy vibe they give off when they do things like this so it is crappy to humiliate them.
December 7, 2011, 1:13 pm
I agree. He came off as sincere to me – in an over the top Vulcan like way. (Oh-so-wrong, but sincere) I think he would be hurt by the posting.
December 8, 2011, 2:08 am
But Vulcans would be neither pompous (“I am special!!!”) nor so wordy. Sorry, had to stick up for my favorite Trek race here.
December 7, 2011, 5:42 pm
Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have posted the thing myself because it is kind of mean. But honestly, in these times, it’s probably best to assume that stuff you send to people can blow up in your face on the internet. I just assume that some of the stuff I’ve done is floating around on the internet, embarrassing me without my knowledge.
December 9, 2011, 3:24 pm
I know the feeling – too bad we didn’t think this way before we did / said stupid stuff that is floating in cyberspace…waiting to bite me in the bum.
December 13, 2011, 4:47 pm
Lauren may not have posted it herself, though. She may have sent it to a friend (look how crazy this is!), who sent it to another friend, etc. And along the way someone decided to post it.
December 7, 2011, 1:10 pm
I had a lot of really fun times dating as a single gal, but things like this definitely bring me back to all the psychos in sheep’s clothing. Oh, the psychos…
December 7, 2011, 1:43 pm
I had to print the email out so I could read it on my own time without leaving the webpage in question open. The text alone was a little over two pages long in Wordpad. That is a SERIOUS level of crazy…and a good reminder why I never dated investment bankers when I was single.
December 7, 2011, 1:44 pm
That bunny is so cute!
December 7, 2011, 1:55 pm
Yikes! I could just hear the shrieking violin strings as I read this one. What’s wrong with people?
December 7, 2011, 2:00 pm
And when did, “It was nice to meet you,” become shorthand for, “We are destined to be together! I must share my every breathing moment with you!” I haven’t dated in a while…did the rules change in the past couple of years?
December 7, 2011, 2:20 pm
Agreed! I’ve always thought of “It was nice to meet you” as a polite way to say “Thanks for dinner but I’m not remotely interested in sleeping with you.” But I haven’t dated in quite awhile either, so maybe the rules have changed…
December 7, 2011, 3:13 pm
That was certainly what it meant the last time I said it…
December 7, 2011, 3:25 pm
That’s what I thought too!
December 7, 2011, 2:28 pm
I was both laughing, and feeling pity for both the girl this letter was intended for, and the family of this guy. *shudder* You really have to wonder just how tightly wound and anal retentive this individual is.
Hopefully he did stop contacting her.
December 7, 2011, 4:22 pm
He probably copy and paste it for every date he has. Well at least he dates or can get a date. He read the signs of the women liking him correctly, but any guy with game knows what’s a hint and what’s not!
December 7, 2011, 2:37 pm
I just got the picture, and now I’m laughing hysterically.
Thank you so much, my finals week has gotten that much better.
December 7, 2011, 5:12 pm
Three words: WHAT. THE. HELL.
This guy literally expressed 3 thoughts over and over and over. What the hell is wrong with people?!?
December 7, 2011, 5:28 pm
December 7, 2011, 9:06 pm
I’d mock this more ferociously, but the guy is so clearly mentally ill. So it’s just not funny. It’s sad in a way. Pathetic. And yet, decidedly scary, too. That said, what a nice reminder that…. Yes, I am VERY sane compared to others. Yikes.
December 7, 2011, 10:02 pm
I agree with you. I just feel bad for him, and the fact that he’s now being mocked relentless all over the internet. =/
December 7, 2011, 10:07 pm
I also often think these things that people post for others are FAKE. This has shades of that to me. I mean, really, it is all very over the top. Then again, many people ARE crazy…
December 8, 2011, 9:19 am
I’ve had people pursue me this way, by telephone and text. One is a woman who has been randomly stalking me online (fortunately I moved away from the city we lived in in 2006). One was a very angry man who sounds like this guy. I did NOT respond, told all my friends, and warned them that I might be changing my phone number. I was very glad I’d talked to him on the phone before meeting him, because he was fiercely creepy, and I’d probably be dead now. He’d call or text 30x in a day.
December 8, 2011, 10:00 am
Honestly, I’ve been through scarier situations with strange men. I am never shocked when straight men act crazy towards women, anymore.
I had a stalker in college. I didn’t know WHO he was. I had never seen him before. I’m also a small woman, so when this man who was easily 150 lbs. more and well over a foot taller started showing up at my volunteer gig after everyone had left and I was completely alone, I had reason to be really, really scared. I stopped volunteering at the lab because I was so utterly terrified that one day he was going to hurt me. (He would use his size to intimidate me, and the only words he would say to me were “you should go out with me”. I would tell him no, and that he had to leave, but he always came back.)
I’m actually getting freaked out writing this comment.
December 7, 2011, 10:08 pm
Is this real? I doubt it. It reminds me of that voice message that was forwarded around awhile go – you know, that voice message by a similar freak who went out on one date and then proceeded to leave a psychotic voice message that sounded just like this email… I wish I had the link, I’d copy it here.
December 8, 2011, 2:13 am
For some reason this feels real to me, although since it wasn’t posted by “Lauren,” it could be fake. I just can’t help but think that if it was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek or something, it could have at least been funny. I would find it too frustrating to keep pretending to be so very angry and clueless.
December 8, 2011, 2:22 am
This topic hits home for me because I’m in an engineering major, and people on the Asperger’s spectrum gravitate towards engineering because of its precise systematic nature (which doesn’t come easily to me, alas!). I’ve been on dates with guys in my major or related fields who were like diluted versions of this – overly analytical, socially awkward, and totally tone-deaf to how others might feel.
On one hand I feel really sorry for them, because they’re still human and want companionship and all, and knowing a bit about Asperger’s, I know it’s not intentional. But on the other hand, I can’t suppress my internal creep alarm when things like this happen, even if the guys are mostly harmless in the end, and that just ruins the fun.
December 8, 2011, 9:17 am
Sounds to me like “Lauren” made a rational choice not to respond to his texts. He comes across as super-weird, perhaps crazy and obsessional, in his email. I do not doubt that that was seeping out of his pores during the date. You do not engage further with a person who you think might be dangerous to you. Every email or text she sent (even a “sorry, not interested”) would be interpreted as an invitation to push the door open a little farther by him.
Smart move, Lauren. You keep an “eye” on that guy–you may be hearing from him for a while.
December 8, 2011, 4:44 pm
Holy $h1t. that’s all I got for this one.
December 9, 2011, 3:00 am
I dated a Mike once. He was kinda crazy, too.
December 9, 2011, 1:36 pm
I’ve worked in either engineering or technology for most of my career, and I’ve run into many dozens of guys like this (Asperger’s types). You know what? I don’t feel one damn bit sorry for this Mike jackass, and nobody else should either. He’s a grown-assed man, not some invalid. There are medications and behavioral training available that folks like this can take advantage of to become normal, grown-up, non-weird people. Perhaps seeing his missive posted all over the Internet will serve as his final nudge to get him to avail himself of the help he so desparately needs.
Feeling sorry for people’s weirdness & excusing boundary-crossing behavior is how society ends up with Jerry Sanduskys.
December 9, 2011, 1:46 pm
Oops, my comment was intended to be a reply to one above that expressed feeling sorry for this dude. Now it looks like I’m just ranting – d’oh!
December 9, 2011, 3:16 pm
I cannot begin to tell you how beyond offensive comparing people who have Aspergers to pedophiles. Actually, thats a lie. I’m going to attempt it. What you wrote is unbelievable ignorant, naive and downright hurtful. THANK GOD my parents have the education, awareness, acceptance and funds to get my brother (yep, aspergers) the testing and help that he needs. Otherwise, who knows. If they were not middle class americans with college educations my brother would probably end up a bizarre, childlike weirdo forcing children to have sex with him.
And your ‘normal’ is not his normal. But it’s definitely not mine either.
December 11, 2011, 6:31 pm
Yeah, if I knew which bank this guy worked at I’d send him one of these to remind him every time he has a cup of coffee
Leave a Comment
Copyright © 2023 Dear Wendy. All rights reserved.