Awhile back, you posted an Open Thread on “What’s the Difference Between Loneliness and Missing Someone Specific?” and it made me think about each of my past relationships and the after-effects. I’ve seen so many friends and acquaintances get back together with an ex shortly after their respective breakups and it has not once worked out. I believe if you can get to the point of breaking up, it should not be taken lightly and forgotten as soon as you miss either the person or the company, which we know are two different things altogether. Do you have specific thoughts on getting back with an ex? Or is it completely situational?
I ask this because my most recent ex has been trying since we broke up months and months ago to get back together. But what keeps me grounded is thinking of what exactly I would be going back to. I wasn’t thrilled to be with him, I was upset a lot of the time from his lack of care and consideration, and the way in which he broke up with me makes my skin crawl (via a TEXT with no explanation, on my birthday, days after a cruise together in which I paid my own way as I did for everything!). So with that all that being said, do you find the manner in which the breakup was executed to also be one of the scenarios to think about when considering getting back together? — In Ex-ile
Whether or not to get back together with an ex can pretty much be determined by answering these TK questions:
1) Were you mostly happy when you were together?
2) Are the reasons you broke up still relevant?
3) Has enough time and distance passed that you have you forgiven him for whatever role he played in your breakup?
4) Do you trust him?
5) Does the matter in when you broke up say something about his character that you cannot accept in a partner?
6) Do you still love each other?
7) Do you have the same relationship and general life goals (i.e. marriage, parenthood, an apartment in the city vs. a house in the ‘burbs)?
If any of those questions give you pause, then there’s no point in getting back together. Reuniting with an ex can certainly be tempting, especially when post-breakup loneliness sets in or you haven’t quite moved on and in your haze of missing him, you’ve developed amnesia about all the ways your relationship sucked or the reasons you broke up in the first place. That why it’s so important to remind yourself of those things, as you have, before you behave irrationally. As for your specific scenario, I’m pretty sure you already know what the answer is, but in case you need to hear it from someone else just to be certain, then hear you go: MOA. You obviously don’t belong back with your ex.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.