It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss a racist boyfriend, dating a roommate, and dealing with an over-texter.
I have been dating this guy for six months now and until yesterday everything was great. He had asked me to go to a rugby match with him and I had said yes. When we were sitting in the stands, a small group of black people were climbing the stands to find seats. He turned to me and said they were scum, and I then asked him if he knew them (not thinking that his remark had anything to do with the color of their skin) and he said no. I then asked if it had anything to do with maybe the way they were dressed (not that I could see anything wrong) and he replied no again. I left it at that and didn’t ask anything else. Do you think I’m jumping to conclusions? Could he be racist? He’s never done anything like that before, so I don’t really know what to do. Do you think I should talk to him about it? I’ve always grown up in a very liberal home, so I don’t really know what to make of it. It’s really eating at me so I hope you can help. — Grossed out by Racists
Perhaps he saw them punch a kid in the face or trip a pregnant lady just before they sat down, but since you didn’t bother to ask if there was a legit reason for his remark, you’re left to assume he’s racist. For the love on God, tell him his remark and your assumption of what it says about him is eating you up. Give him a chance to explain himself, and, if you’re not convinced he isn’t a bigot, MOA.
I am 19 years old and about to enter my sophomore year in college. I am moving with two guys and one girl into a house, and we already signed the lease. The problem is that I started dating one of the guy roommates after we agreed to live together. I know it was probably a bad idea to get involved with him in the first place, but we both liked each other so much and it felt so right. We have been dating for about two months now, and it’s going really great. But I am worried about living with him already, even though we didn’t plan it to be like this. The lease lasts one year, and that’s a long time for a couple who just started dating… Advice? — Sophomore Slump
Either you or your new boyfriend should find a new place to live and a new roommate to take over the empty spot in the apartment. If you decide to live together, the worst that will happen is you could have a horribly awkward breakup, decide to move out, break your lease, forfeit your deposit, probably piss off your other roommates, and potentially get stuck paying your portion of the rent and having a difficult time finding a new place to move into in the middle of the school year. Personally, it seems a lot less of a hassle to just find a new place to live now and avoid any potential drama.
I’m dating a great guy who has all the characteristics I look for in a partner. We’ve only been together a couple of weeks, so I’m trying to just enjoy myself and let things evolve over time. My question is: what should I do about the little things that annoy me? For example, he texts me every single day. I am not overly busy, but I still just feel overwhelmed texting him all day long. I have no problem bringing this up on our next date, but I am unsure if I should keep investing time in what I think could be a great, long lasting relationship, or do these early annoyances mean I should MOA? — Anti-Texts
If you’re seriously thinking about moving on already after only two weeks from a guy who has “all the characteristics you look for in a partner” simply because he texts too much, then perhaps you really aren’t all that into him. If that’s the case, then yeah, MOA. If not, just tell the guy you aren’t much of a texter and would he mind cutting back on the amount of texts he sends you.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter and ‘like’ me on Facebook.