It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have fallen in love with a married man and have become the “other woman.” He is a very kind and good-hearted man who doesn’t seem to have any issues with his wife, but I can feel that they are not on good terms. I was 28 and single when I met him (he’s eleven years older) and he slowly courted me until I fell in love. When I think of our situation being wrong, I want to leave him, but that thought hurts too much. Now, three years into our relationship, I just discovered that he had sex with his wife last week! He has always told me he has no physical relationship with her. He feels very sorry for his mistake and keeps asking for forgiveness. We were going to start our family when he got his marriage annulled. What should I do? — The Other Woman
Yeah, you just keep on waiting for him to have his marriage annulled and start a family with you. That sounds like a great way to spend your time. Unless you actually want a family with someone, in which case I’d suggest you MOA now before you waste your remaining fertile years with a man who has zero intention of ever truly being with you.
I’m a 72-year-young lady in a relationship with a 63-year-old man. We have been seeing one another a year. My problem is that his ex-girlfriend doesn’t know about me and still thinks of him as a boyfriend. He says he can’t help what she thinks, and he even stills goes out of town to visit her and her family and stays a couple days. He does see me way more than he sees them, and I know he isn’t cheating on me, but he lets her believe they are more then friends. What should I do? — More Than Friends
He IS cheating on you. And he’s cheating on her with you. He lets her believe they are more than friends because they are. Just like he lets you believe you two are more than friends. Honey, he’s two-timing the both of you! I say MOA and find a guy who doesn’t already have a girlfriend because your boyfriend, apparently, has two.
My older sister is getting married and I’m one of her bridesmaids. I’ve known this since the beginning of 2015, and I happily started dating my current boyfriend last September. He isn’t fond of the idea of my walking down the aisle with my sister’s fiancé’s brother. He claims I’ll be “breaking his heart” when he sees me walk out. My boyfriend is my date to the wedding; I just happen to be a bridesmaid. I don’t know how to get him to understand. — Bridesmaid Breaking His Heart
Your boyfriend is being remarkably immature and idiotic about this. Honestly, I wouldn’t even justify his behavior with any more response on your part. And I would consider this a HUGE red flag about his character and the kind of long-term partner he might be. If he is this irrationally jealous about something as silly as you spending a few seconds walking beside someone else at your sister’s wedding, just imagine the kind of jealousy issues you’re going to have to face with him over and over! Yikes.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected]ndy.com.