In addition, I have paid for her eyelid surgery, removal of some lumps, and her car insurance and $800 a year for three years. She needed a motor scooter and asked me to pay for the bike. I came up with $2500 and paid for the bike. In order to pay for school, she has to borrow from her sister, and I have to reimburse the sister. This bothers me because she, my girlfriend, has 50K sitting in the bank, and I don’t understand why she can’t use that money to pay for school so that I can reimburse her at my leisure.
I bought her a birthday present this month (gold earrings) and when she looked at the gift, she said they make her look old. She convinced me to take them back to the jeweler where she picked out a necklace and had me pay an extra $150 for it.
The total amount I have given her is about 80K to date.
She has been living at home until recently, with her mother and sister. They had some problems with her father abusing her mother, so they packed up and moved in with her other sister. This has brought me into the picture again to assist. She asked me to help buy a house to accommodate her mother, her niece, and her. Because of the emergency I offered assistance to find a house, planning that eventually I would move in after my lease is up. I checked my finances and can contribute up to about 120K, which according to her is not enough. She says that for the size they’re looking for they need 220K.
Because we are not married and since, where we live, a foreigner cannot own a house or property, the house would be in her name. She is saying that she would be willing to put in 25K from her 50K that she has in the bank. She said that she did not wish to drain her account. Her attitude is that, as a man, I should provide the whole amount, so I’m lucky that she is not asking for the whole amount.
I offered her a solution: I could pay for a rental apartment for her for one year, and when she finishes her school, we would marry and then move into a house. Now she has cut me off, and she is saying nothing but nasty things about what kind of man I am.
I’m very hurt. I’m actually thinking of seeking a lawyer and suing her for the money and support I have given her these past five years. What do you think? — Invested
I think the 80K is a lot of money to lose, but it is probably a drop in the bucket compared to the money you’d be throwing away if you continue “supporting” this morally-bankrupt, gold-digging scum bucket of a woman. I also think your idea to “sue” is ridiculous since you gave the money away freely and without any sort of legally-binding expectation of reciprocation. Consider this a very expensive lesson: Don’t give money away with the expectation that you’ll get anything — even/especially commitment, love, or marriage — in return. If you aren’t already getting love and commitment, no amount of money will buy those things.
If it isn’t clear: You need to MOA (move on already)!
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.