Why in the world did you marry this man? This goes back to exactly what I said at the end of this column: if you aren’t happy in a relationship, don’t expect marriage to solve your problems. Even if you’re already engaged or have a kid together, don’t get married if your relationship is unfulfilling. That said, I’m really sorry for your situation, but for your sake and the sake of your little girl, you’ve got to get out of it or change it as soon as possible. The life you can give your child on your own is going to be better than the life you give her with two parents who make each other miserable.
Have you talked to your husband about therapy? It sounds like there’s a good chance he could be suffering from depression and that maybe some therapy could help him a great deal (although, depression doesn’t explain why he’s never spent any of the money he’s made on his daughter or you). Obviously, the two of you could also benefit from couple’s therapy. I’d give that a try before kicking him out. At the very least, a therapist could help mediate as you set up some boundaries and expectations for your husband. For example, he needs to start looking for steady work, helping out around the house, and contributing financially to household expenses when he’s able to. If he refuses, or is resistant to therapy in the first place, you really don’t have any choice but to kick the loser out. You’ve already got a live-in nanny, so it’s not like you’re going to suddenly have zero help with your baby. It doesn’t sound like he was helping anyway.
Of course, since you’re legally married, you’ll need to speak with a divorce attorney right away. The sooner the better. This freeloader you’re married to probably isn’t going to give up his meal ticket without a fight, so you want to make sure you’ve got the law on your side. An attorney can help you protect your assets, and file for full custody and child support. Maybe you can even get your marriage annulled. I would.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.