Google Search Terms, Vol. XII: “Why Was I Left on Delivered?”

We could all use a little levity right now, so I am resurrecting an old feature from back in the day called Google Search Terms. Below are some of the different questions and phrases people type into their Google browser to end up at my site. Check out what’s been on the minds of inquiring people recently.

1. Why was I left on delivered?
If you’ve been left on delivered for more than 48 hours, call the authorities and file a missing person’s report, because you’ll miss seeing this person until you move on.

2. I ghosted her and want her back.
Over the past three months, the search term – or a variation of it — has brought thousands of people to Dear Wendy looking for advice. Sorry, guys: you shouldn’t have left her on delivered. She’s moved on now.

3. Marking your territory sexually
Wow, I’m intrigued! What does that look even look like? Are we talking hickies or, like, bite marks or what??

4. What does it mean when a guy says it’s bad timing?
That he’s met someone he likes better.

5. Will he come back when the timing is right?
You mean when the other woman breaks up with him? Yes, he will probably come sniffing around again. DON’T TAKE HIM BACK!!

6. Rolled up sleeves attractive
Like, in a rockabilly way or in chopping down trees in the forest kind of way? Both attractive! Rolled-up sleeve fetishes for the win!

7. Husband on grindr
Literally just posting this to bait Bitter Gay Mark.

8. Would you date a woman with grey hair?
I think in about a month millions of people are about to find out.

9. I made my husband wear a dress
Context is so crucial here. Was the dress blue or was it pink?? Did it have a pretty pattern? Did he go out in public? Did you make him do a little catwalk swirl? Did he like it? Did you? Would you do it again?

10. Microbladed eyebrows too big

TELL ME ABOUT IT! (Also: they will fade).

Read more Google Search Terms here.