Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Google Search Terms, Vol. XII: “Why Was I Left on Delivered?”


We could all use a little levity right now, so I am resurrecting an old feature from back in the day called Google Search Terms. Below are some of the different questions and phrases people type into their Google browser to end up at my site. Check out what’s been on the minds of inquiring people recently.

1. Why was I left on delivered?
If you’ve been left on delivered for more than 48 hours, call the authorities and file a missing person’s report, because you’ll miss seeing this person until you move on.

2. I ghosted her and want her back.
Over the past three months, the search term – or a variation of it — has brought thousands of people to Dear Wendy looking for advice. Sorry, guys: you shouldn’t have left her on delivered. She’s moved on now.

3. Marking your territory sexually
Wow, I’m intrigued! What does that look even look like? Are we talking hickies or, like, bite marks or what??

4. What does it mean when a guy says it’s bad timing?
That he’s met someone he likes better.

5. Will he come back when the timing is right?
You mean when the other woman breaks up with him? Yes, he will probably come sniffing around again. DON’T TAKE HIM BACK!!

6. Rolled up sleeves attractive
Like, in a rockabilly way or in chopping down trees in the forest kind of way? Both attractive! Rolled-up sleeve fetishes for the win!

7. Husband on grindr
Literally just posting this to bait Bitter Gay Mark.

8. Would you date a woman with grey hair?
I think in about a month millions of people are about to find out.

9. I made my husband wear a dress
Context is so crucial here. Was the dress blue or was it pink?? Did it have a pretty pattern? Did he go out in public? Did you make him do a little catwalk swirl? Did he like it? Did you? Would you do it again?

10. Microbladed eyebrows too big

TELL ME ABOUT IT! (Also: they will fade).

Read more Google Search Terms here.

16 comments… add one
  • Kate B.

    Kate B. March 19, 2020, 10:19 am

    Yes, rolled-up sleeves are attractive.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Buzzlebee March 19, 2020, 11:26 am

      Yeah they are.

      I’m also a sucker if they are wearing a nice watch. Not large metal gaudy thing or an iwatch but a nice analogue watch with a leather band. As I write that out I realize it’s pretty specific…

      Reply Link
      • Kate B.

        Kate B. March 19, 2020, 7:38 pm

        I can dig that.

        Link
  • Guy Friday

    Guy Friday March 19, 2020, 10:48 am

    Wow, I’m intrigued! What does that look even look like? Are we talking hickies or, like, bite marks or what??

    It’s herpes. It’s always herpes.

    Reply Link
  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark March 19, 2020, 11:43 am

    Eh… There are more Str8 husbands on the prowl at IKEA than Grindr. But there are far more secretly bi married guys out there than any of you can possibly imagine.

    Reply Link
  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark March 19, 2020, 11:45 am

    PS — #8 is particularly hilarious….

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      ktfran March 19, 2020, 11:50 am

      For real. My hair. Yikes. Nobody wants to see a blonde pixie grow out + roots. Sorry husband. I will look like someone poured bacon grease over my head.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        Kate March 19, 2020, 11:51 am

        My salon sent out an email about a product you can order to fix your root color. Maybe your stylist could recommend an at-home product.

        Link
      • avatar

        ktfran March 19, 2020, 11:58 am

        Thanks @kate! I’ll send her a note.

        Link
      • avatar

        Kate March 19, 2020, 12:00 pm

        This is what they said:

        NEED COLOR OR PRODUCTS? We will be offering an option for those that would like to purchase HCE (Hair Color Extender) root color. It is a small dose of your root color that is customized with your formula for your hairline and parting. If you are interested please contact [email] and someone will reach out to you with details. HCE retails for $55 plus S/H. We will have this amazing new item available starting next week. Also, we can ship any products you may need.

        Link
      • avatar

        anonnaners March 19, 2020, 12:51 pm

        In the meantime, I’m trying to decide whether now’s the time to grow my hair back out! Shaved it all off over XMas and have really been digging it, but I know it’s gonna look like ass when I eventually grow it back. Might as well look like ass when only the cats can see me….

        Link
  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny March 19, 2020, 12:57 pm

    These are great!! I think this should be a regular DW feature!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Rebecca March 19, 2020, 1:54 pm

    1-5 are just *chef’s kiss* perfection together. Thank you, DW!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Ruby Tuesday March 19, 2020, 4:31 pm

    Please make this a regular feature.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    allathian March 20, 2020, 12:36 am

    Yes, this is fun! Please make it a regular feature.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment