He has made payments that I have requested, but I have had to ask for these every month when I reached a stage of going overdrawn. He becomes angry and evasive when confronted, to the point where I don’t want to raise the issue. He has not committed to taking any responsibility for our current cost of living. I currently ask for £750 a month. He takes home over £4000 a month. He has saved up a good deposit and has no other expenses. Alarm bells are ringing with regards to his control. I am now seven months pregnant, and in a few months will see a huge reduction in my income with maternity pay. The buying of the house is going through, but I am worried that, as he will then have to be the main payer, I will have no access to any money whatsoever. — Nearly Overdrawn
If your boyfriend “has not committed to taking any responsibility for your current cost of living,” how can you trust he’ll take any responsibility for any future cost of living? You can’t. You can’t count on him to get the bills paid. You’ve got alarm bells ringing with regards to his controlling manner, you’re seven months pregnant and about to take a cut in pay while on maternity leave, your future living situation is up in the air, and you’re worried you won’t have access to any of the household income. This is not only a terrible recipe for a relationship, but it also spells disaster for a single mother with three (soon to be FOUR) mouths to feed.
You need to quit relying on this non-committal boyfriend and start living within your means. If that means downsizing to a one-bedroom apartment that you can comfortably afford, then that’s what you have to do. Then, go see a lawyer about getting “single parent benefits”/child support for your first three children reinstated and sue your boyfriend for child support for the baby that’s due in a few months. Look into whatever government aid you may qualify for to support you while you get back on your feet.
You need to make caring for your children a top priority. You’ve got a boyfriend on your hands who gets angry and evasive when confronted about contributing to living expenses. He’s not someone you can count on and, frankly, you don’t have time to dick around waiting for him to prove himself as a man, a partner, and a father. He’s had many, many months to step up and he hasn’t. It’s time to take matters into your own hands and do what you need to do to care for your kids.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].