My relationship with Ken was fine until one day he decided to break up with me through a text message. The night before this event, we didn’t argue, but he seemed very nervous and edgy. He was drinking and smoking, which he never did. He broke up with me because he said he thought I wasn’t over my ex. A week later, which was a month ago, we met up to exchange the rest of the belongings. When I saw him then, he looked like he wanted to cry.
A week later I texted him to check up on him, and he confessed that he broke up with me because people were telling him to give things another try with his wife. We agreed that we did move a little too fast and that we would try and move more slowly. We agreed to meet up and catch up, but that never happened because there is an excuse for everything to not see me. He has leukemia and now he’s saying that he’s too sick to talk to me, yet he’s going out to functions. When I caught him in a lie, he said that he’s feeling better. I know he does really have leukemia, but that’s not the only excuse. He said he’s busy at work and now it’s his daughter getting her tonsils removed.
Is it me or are there too many coincidences going on? He won’t even call or text me back. We only talk on Facebook. He did admit that he was making excuses to not see me, but he won’t explain why. He said he is not back together with anyone. I don’t know whether to call it quits or what. It’s just terrible for me because, as a gay male, it’s very hard to find the right guy and I wasn’t ready to let this one go. What should I do? — Not Ready to Call it Quits
I’m not sure I’d call these excuses to avoid you “coincidences.” Ken doesn’t want to see you and you need to respect that. I’m assuming you probably live in a smallish town and that, as hard as it is to find the right guy as a gay man, it’s probably pretty difficult for a man of a certain age, who has lived, at least externally, as a straight guy in a straight marriage with children, to come out of the closet if he hasn’t yet. Add to that potential challenge a leukemia diagnosis, and, well, it’s no wonder he isn’t interested/doesn’t have time or energy to pursue a relationship with you or anyone else right now.
It was a two-month relationship and it’s not worth the worry you’re investing in it now. Let it go. Look online for a date, or find a gay bar nearby, or put some feelers out with your friends that you’re looking to date. And if I’m right and you DO live in a small town that makes meeting someone difficult in general and especially challenging if you’re gay, consider moving to a bigger city. Since you live in Illinois, I would recommend Chicago. Dude, if at 22 you can’t find a nice gay man to date there, then you’re just not trying hard enough.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.