My thoughts are that it’s a terribly sad thing to lose a mother, particularly one you felt especially close to, and I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are that while tangible possessions may bring a sense of comfort after someone dies, they don’t bring the person back and they definitely can’t compare to the memories one is lucky to have. My thoughts are that the anger you have over your mother not passing her diamond ring to you but instead to her grandson is really misdirected, and that expressing your anger to your father, and implying that your mother has done something out-of-the-ordinary or even wrong, is grossly inappropriate. My thought is that you should feel grateful that your father has allowed you to hold on to the ring while you’re alive, and that signing a legal document stipulating that the ring be given to your nephew upon your death is more than fair. To continue pushing the issue like you are makes you look bad and brings your motives into question.
The ring belonged to your mother and is not a symbol of her love for you. If it was a wedding ring, then it was a symbol of the love between your parents, but not between you and your mother. The ring is now a family heirloom; you don’t have kids, but your brother does. Family heirlooms are often passed down to grandchildren or to members of the family most likely to be able to pass the heirloom to a subsequent generation. That you’ve never heard of this before doesn’t change that. I’d imagine you are in the minority as this is a pretty typical tradition. But, really, it doesn’t matter what’s typical or what you’ve heard or what your wishes are; all that matters is what your mother’s wishes were and they were that her ring be passed down to her grandson. If you are the loving daughter you claim to be, honor your mom’s wishes and celebrate her memory and your relationship with her in the many ways you can besides claiming ownership over a ring she wanted someone else to have. It’s really that simple.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.