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She follows me on Instagram and has yet to delete all our pictures. She has told me she does that with her exes. She deletes the past. I’ve backed off still because I don’t want to feel needy and cast a shadow. But she’s actually arranged the photos so they are together — three in a row here and so on…it actually looks quite cute, with tag lines that say “how to make your girlfriend melt” and screen shots of my text messages. The pictures are of us kissing, holding hands, my band on stage with me singled out and so on.
My question: is she ready to stop this? We stopped speaking about nine days ago. I told her I would allow her some time for her to think. She’s never had pictures of her exes, and her pictures on Facebook and Instagram go back a number of years. She also has tagged posts on Facebook of sweet things I did up for her.
I want this girl back. I don’t want to analyze everything. I haven’t talked to her in days. But today I sent her sunflowers, because I would call her “sunflower.” The note attached said:
“My garden is empty without my sunflower.
I love you and I will wait.
If you only knew.
P.S. I miss my best friend.”
The only reason it said “if you only knew” is because, before I told her I loved her, I would whisper that in her ear. That was my way of saying it, without saying it. When she found out what it meant, she cried of happiness because she felt the same.
I don’t want her thinking I’ve forgotten her. Is she moving on? Or is she just stuck in a limbo? —Missing my Sunflower
If it’s only been nine days since you broke up, I promise your ex is not fearing that you’ve forgotten her.
If your ex hasn’t gotten around to deleting your pictures from Facebook or Instagram after your amicable breakup nine days ago, it doesn’t mean she wants you back. It means she hasn’t gotten around to deleting the pictures yet.
If she has added new photos or grouped your photos together in a way they weren’t grouped together before, it could be her way of processing your breakup or… just organizing her photos. It does not mean she wants you back.
If, in the nine days since you broke up, you have written her (multiple) “sweet notes,” praying for her and telling her how much you miss her and want her back and you haven’t heard a peep back from her, there’s a reason for that.
If you have sent her sunflowers because you called her your sunflower and you included a note about how your garden is empty without her and you haven’t heard back, there’s a reason for that.
If you consider not cursing at your ex some sort of check in the plus column of you or your relationship, you need to adjust your standards.
Please, stop sending notes and flowers and so on. Accept that whatever small chance you might have at reconciliation is compromised every time you pressure her to reach out or respond to you. Try to keep busy, move on, and think about something — anything — else.
Your ex knows how you feel. She knows you haven’t forgotten her. If/when she’s ready to talk to you, she’s got your number. She’ll call if she wants. If you don’t hear from her, you’ve got your answer and you need to respect that and MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.