Well, I don’t believe you that there’s no reason that your husband’s sister doesn’t like you. If you’re mending your marriage, there was some reason is was fractured in the first place, and I’m betting whatever that reason is is probably related to why your sister-in-law doesn’t like you. But, regardless, I do agree it’s in bad form to invite someone to a wedding and not extend an invitation to his spouse of fourteen years. You have no control over whether or not you were invited, though, and neither does your husband. He can skip the wedding out of loyalty to you and as a statement to his family that he will not tolerate any disrespect toward you, but where does that get you? Does that help mend your marriage further? If it does, it comes at the cost of his relationship with his family. Is that worth it to you? Or, could extending him some compassion for the difficult position he’s in also go a long way in mending your marriage? What if you said to him: “I’m sad and offended that I wasn’t invited to your niece’s wedding, but I understand why it’s still important for you to go and I’m not going to hold it against you if you make an appearance. Out of respect to me though, it would mean a lot if you made an appearance only and came home after the wedding ceremony itself and after you extended your wishes to the bride and groom.” Then, help him pick out a gift for them and sign your name to the card. That way, you look gracious in the face of pettiness.
It’s been five years, which is plenty of time already for your boyfriend to introduce you to his family. I don’t know what the time frame is that you gave him, but it’s safe to say that the time isn’t so much for him to get his act together as it is for you to get your act together. You can’t control what choice he makes, but you can control what choice you make. And when you have control of your choices, no path is truly a dead-end because you can choose to make a turn and not continue on the path that leads to nowhere. This guy isn’t interested in taking things with you to the next level. So, make your turn. Get off the path that leads to nowhere. If you need a deadline to motivate you to do so, so be it. But I think you already know what that deadline is going to bring. So start making your game plan now. Get your support in place for when you get off the dead-end path and start turning toward a path that has more promise. Loving someone isn’t reason enough to continue feeling lost.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].