The issue I’m having at the moment is: His daughter does not like me for “breaking up the family.” She has asked to have a family dinner this Sunday, and I’m nervous that sparks will happen between Chris and his wife and that he will go back to her and live happily ever after. I have made my expectations clear that I do not feel comfortable about this dinner, but he throws at me that “I’m stressing him out” and “stop please.” Should I be worried? — The Other Woman
If you think dating someone who isn’t committed to you, who feels conflicted about being with you, whose family doesn’t like you, who doesn’t seem to respect you, and who has proven to not be faithful to the woman he’s in a relationship with are all worrisome, then, yes, you should be worried. You were right all those months ago to keep your relationship with Chris professional only. When you crossed that boundary, you opened your life to all the consequences of pursuing a married boss – consequences it seems you’re just now beginning to realize. Your boss’s daughter is justified in her feelings for you. You did contribute to the break-up of her family. Because of that, you already have a long road ahead in earning her trust if you want to ever feel welcome in Chris’s family. But add the other hurdles you’re now facing on top of that – your insecurity around Chris’s relationship with his ex, and his general dismissiveness of you (you stress him out, etc.), and the road ahead suddenly becomes even rockier. My advice would be to start looking for a new job, end your doomed relationship now before even more damage is done, and get yourself into therapy to begin addressing why you sabotaged your career and pursued an unavailable man so that you don’t repeat this big mistake again.
Roger is manipulating you and feeding you lines he thinks will keep you on his hook, like good bait on a fishing trip. You’re not his queen, what you have with him isn’t special, he’s not all that interested in you, and he can definitely live without you. If any of these lies he keeps feeding you were actually true, he wouldn’t be advertising his relationship with another woman, and he’d be making every effort to see you and talk to you as much as he could. If you believe he isn’t sleeping with this other woman, because he wants to remain “faithful” to you, I have a bridge to the moon to sell you. I advise you get tested for STIs and tell Roger that your needs aren’t being met by him, that you aren’t interested in sharing a man with some other woman, and that you’re moving on. Then, delete his number and take a break from dating. Losing a fiancé is traumatizing, and to immediately follow up that grief with a one-sided relationship that leaves you feeling dismissed and uncared for demands a little time to process.
As you process the last year and a half, it’s important to remember that life isn’t a fairy tale. Love at first sight isn’t really a thing, and a super special love that’s unlike anything else is a fallacy. All successful, loving romantic relationships share qualities: there’s mutual respect and trust; shared values; common interests; and mutual attraction. Absent any of these, your relationship probably isn’t likely to last, but even with all of these, there’s nothing that makes your relationship more special than another. Beware a man who tells you that what you share is something really special, and that you’re his “baby girl,” when literally none of his actions suggest he actually feels that way. A man who genuinely cares about you and wants you in his life will prioritize you and you won’t have to wonder where you stand with him because it will be obvious. What’s obvious with Roger is that you are not a priority. It’s time to MOA.