Now for my question: is it his age, or my age? Is he just a smooth talker? My gut tells me to get rid of him because he has no respect for me. I am at a total loss. I remember telling him in the very beginning that he was way too young for me, but one thing led to another, with the exchange of numbers, adding to Facebook, etc. Any suggestions or advice? — The Older Woman
Yeah, the guy has literally zero intention of ever meeting up with you. He probably has some older woman fetish that you satisfy, or at least could satisfy if you would engage him in sexts. But beyond that, he wants nothing from/with you. You ask whether it’s his age or your age or whether he’s just a “smooth talker” (I’m guessing probably not that smooth, to be honest), but the bigger question here is: Why are you still sticking around, trying to figure out what his deal is? You say you have a two-week texting policy and that you don’t want a texting relationship, and yet here you are texting with this guy for two months without meeting him. You say your gut tells you to get rid of him because he has no respect for you (which is true), and then you follow that up with, “I am at a total loss.” I’m confused. Why are you at a total loss? Why are you ignoring your gut? Why are you disregarding your own policy?
I’ll turn your questions back around on you: is it his age? Is it your age? Are you putting up with this nonsense because the guy is 25 years younger than you and it’s thrilling to think at 63 you could still attract the attention of a guy in his 30s? But you don’t have his attention! All you have are a few asks for pictures of your 63-year-old boobs. Come on, now. We know he doesn’t have any respect for you, but where’s your respect for yourself? It’s time to find it and move on already.
If, after five years together, nothing has changed, I don’t know why you would expect it to suddenly change now. Just because (you think) you’re ready? Your boyfriend is telling you in every way he can that he is not ready to move out yet. And I am concerned that at 20 years old, and having been with the same guy since you were 15, you may lack some real world experience that would put your boyfriend’s disability in perspective for you. For example, how far do you think his disability checks go and are they even enough to contribute to half of a couple’s living expenses in a rental apartment, let alone help support a family? At 20, what are your career plans? Do you feel confident that you’ll be in a position to be the breadwinner? Do you have a clear understanding of the limitations your boyfriend faces as they apply to adulting? Do you have a clear idea what living as an adult even entails?
You’re 20; I suspect you’ve never even lived on your own yet and been responsible for yourself, never mind a partner with a disability. And if your boyfriend moves out of his mother’s home, there may be certain responsibilities that his mother has taken care of that you would then be in charge of or that your boyfriend would have to learn to deal with on his own. He is telling you he isn’t ready for that. He has told you that moving out “is not for him.” He may say he wants a place and family of his own one day, but that doesn’t mean he wants those things now or that he wants them with you at all, let alone with you at 20.
If you’re ready to grow up and take the next steps in your life, don’t let your boyfriend hold you back. Get your own place and start building a life. It may be that the direction you’re ready to follow is away from your boyfriend. It may be that he is OK with that. And you may find, in time, that you are OK with it, too. You may not have a choice.