New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.
Since then, every vacation, trip, and weekend I’ve tried to look my best, but no proposal. After enduring the pain of my cousin’s AND his sister’s engagements, I’ve almost completely given up any hope. At this point, I feel like he could shove an engagement ring where the sun don’t shine. Ugh. Wendy! I love this man and would be lost without him! But I’m tired of being on his time and his time only! I’m sick of questioning myself, trying to better myself, wondering, wishing, and waiting. I am honestly harboring so much bitterness and resentment that at this point it’s almost as if, why the hell ask me now? I mean, am I supposed to jump for joy if he goes down on one knee? Scream, “Yay, I’m finally good enough! Seven years, and I guess I’ve finally washed enough of your clothes!”? My whole life revolves around his twisted time frame. Over the years there have been several occasions he has voiced his complaints about the expense of a ring and wedding and yet come home with a very expensive, several-thousand-dollar toy or, ahem, “investment.” What should I do? I feel that I am losing my mind. — Tired of Waiting
Well, I mean, you could just buy ask him to marry you yourself and whatever his answer is is the answer. If he says “no” or “not yet” or indicates that you have to go by his timetable, you move the fuck on. But, you know, I wouldn’t even bother asking this guy to marry you. You sound fucking miserable. Why do you want to sign on for a life of washing the clothes of some dude who sounds cheap, dishonest, inconsiderate, and selfish? You’re so obsessed with why he hasn’t proposed, but I’m really curious about why on earth you’d want to marry him. Because you love him and “would be lost without him”? Oh, honey. That’s pitiful. You’ve spent seven years being brainwashed into thinking you can’t function without his lame ass around, and that’s simply not true. You can function without having a load of some guy’s shirts to wash, I promise you. But you’re going to have to summon some inner strength, foster some independence, find your dignity, stand the hell up for yourself, and say, “Fuck this shit! I’ve waited for your sorry ass for seven long years and I’m done. Take that engagement ring and stick it where the sun don’t shine because I am moving on.”
Even if he ever does propose to you — and I find that highly doubtful — the chances of your actually having a wedding are close to zero. He’s going to come up with every excuse in the book why you can’t afford it and don’t need it. And then if you ever do get married, he’s going to consider you so indebted to him for finally wifing you up, that your happiness won’t ever make his list of priorities. As far as he’ll be concerned, that ring bought him the rest of your life together, making you something of an indentured servant to him while he makes all the major decisions about how to spend your money, where to live, how he spends his time (not with you, is my guess). Ugh. Is that what you want? That’s not what you want! Get out, girl. You don’t need this shit. MOA, MOA, MOA!!!
It was a cookie cake — one of the most generic, common gifts among a certain group of people (i.e. teenagers/young adults, which I’m guess you are one of). I really wouldn’t read too much into this except that your guy lacks creativity, which isn’t the world’s biggest sin. I would stop worrying about the ex and snooping on her social media pages. And if you honestly feel in your heart that new guy isn’t over his ex from two years ago, maybe end the relationship before you develop an unhealthy obsession over it.
Well, I would have thought his being married to and having a family with someone else was the deal-breaker, but since that wasn’t an issue for you, your values differ greatly from mine and I’m not sure what to tell you. I mean, yeah, if the most important thing for you is to have a man who prioritizes the woman he’s committed to, you’re obviously with the wrong guy. If a guy who doesn’t respect the union he has with the woman he’s committed to and spends special occasions in the company of another woman is a deal-breaker for you, it looks like it’s time to move on, honey!
Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.