A week has gone by and today he admitted that he did touch her and he asked for forgiveness (this after I kept hounding him to tell the truth). I knew in my heart the other day that she was telling the truth. I am totally sick about this and do not know what to do. What advice can you give me? Please keep in mind that the relationship wasn’t very stable and healthy prior to this incident. — In The Passenger’s Seat
Color me shocked that your relationship wasn’t healthy or stable prior to your boyfriend assaulting a woman and attempting to steal from her, right under your nose. This is a no-brainer question though: you leave the mother fucker and never look back. You aren’t safe with him. You may be taking a driving class, but metaphorically-speaking, it is beyond time for you to take the wheel of your own life and quit being a passive passenger. There’s no reason to stay in an unhealthy and unstable relationship, and there is every reason in the book to leave a man who is a perpetrator of sexual assault. MOA!!
Look, any time you move in with someone, there’s a potential for losing that roommate before you’re ready, regardless of what everyone’s relationship status is. There is no guarantee for any length of time. Even if you discuss with your roommate what her plans might be, it’s impossible for either one of you to know how your respective relationships are going to unfold and how long you may want to live together. Even aside from your dating lives, there may be other factors that will affect living circumstances and the duration of your living together.
One thing you can do though is to talk with your friend about keeping open communication about plans that may affect each other as much as you’re able to and to give as much notice as you can if either of you plans to move out. I’d also talk about how issues, besides your dating lives, may affect your relationship as roommates. I wrote this post eight years ago about topics you should discuss with a potential roommate before signing a lease. It’s pretty tongue-in-cheek, but there are some very valid concerns on the list that it would be wise to address with your friend. For example, you should discuss your expectations about dates/significant others sleeping over; dividing household chores and bills; how you feel about sharing groceries; how you feel about having company over. Be sure to read the comments on the post for topics worth discussing and examples of how things went wrong – or right – when friends moved in together.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.